


The Emotional Family Reunion You Deserve (- the emotions)

by FrogFacey



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dave doesn't know how to help with emotions, Humanstuck, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Kankri is the dick he deserves to be written as, Karkat is emotionally constipated, M/M, also Karkat has haemophilia, angsty but like not too angsty, complete and utter overuse of pesterlogs, like literally they're pretty much driving the plot, nothing bad happens between Dave and Karkat at least, which I did a piss poor job at putting in the story but like it's a fun fact at least?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-07-12 14:29:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 55,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15997136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrogFacey/pseuds/FrogFacey
Summary: CG: ANYWAY YOU KNOW HOW I MENTIONED HAVING A BROTHER ONCE AND REMEMBER HOW YOU’VE LITERALLY NEVER LET ME FORGET?TA: you found hiim?Karkat groaned, rubbed his eyes and shoved another strawberry into his mouth.CG: MORE LIKE HE FOUND ME.CG: AND NOW I HAVE HIS CREDIT CARD DETAILS, MONEY AND MEMBERSHIP TO THE FUCKING PORTRAIT GALLERY OF ALL THINGS AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.TA: well obviiou2ly the fiir2t port of call ii2 two get iintwo hii2 bank account.TA: fuckiing iidiiot.





	1. For the record, mochas are better

A family can be found in many things, there’s the conventional mother, father and siblings, the slightly less conventional father and father or mother and mother. There’s friendships, pets, household appliances. People often told Karkat that family can be found in anything that brings a sense of wholeness and safety.

In Karkat’s case his family consisted of:  
His adopted Mum, his adopted Auntie (who had no relation to his adopted Mum), adopted Mum #2, adopted Dad (with no relation to either of them but may have dated his Auntie’s sister), Kanaya (her family was basically his at this point) and Sollux.

He guessed, maybe if he were stretching the definition, his work could be counted as family. There was Roxy out the back who ate straight coffee beans, Nepeta who was in charge of tea and called Equius a slut over the counter and Meenah who may have gotten fired last week. Then there was his shitty boss who looked over the shitty place where he was stuck making shitty coffee for shitty people who said shitty things about him while going off to work to do shitty things with their shitty lives.

Oh look, ding ding.

Karkat dragged his attention to the shitty bell above the door that always seemed to be way too quiet to actually be functional. Aesthetic value was not a good basis for retail needs.

He pulled his face into as much of a grin as physically possible given his current state and leaned on the counter, next to the tip jar. Meenah mentioned once that looking welcoming was the starting point for people wanting to give shit to you.

But then she was caught swiping coins from the register.

He watched the guy walk in, look skittishly around for a second or two before straightening, advancing and throwing his wallet onto the counter like a douchebag.

“Hey welcome, what can I get-”

“Soy latte, large please.” The guy said, flashing what was probably the worst impression of a grin imaginable.

Karkat watched in partial shock, partial horror as the guy in front of him grimaced for a good couple of seconds. It was utterly incredible.

Now, Karkat was a lot of things. He didn’t cut into people’s sentences for a first, and he didn’t wear tights under sweaters either. He was however, the guy who wore sweatpants to his best friend’s graduation, the guy who destroyed his computer out of spite, the guy who couchsurfed for two weeks because his friend wouldn’t shut up about minecraft and he certainly wasn’t a twin.

But...This horrible grimacing man, as much as he hated to say it, held a striking resemblance to Karkat himself. He was taller, less round in the face and a lot less hunched, sure, but it was still very much there. Even his voice, softer and higher and way too fucking posh for the area (he heard it falter a couple of times so he was ready to assume it was fake), still had this weird underlying similarity. 

He had such a generic, forgettable face. The kind that you look at for two seconds and forget after because you’ve literally seen it hundreds of times walking the dog. 

...But at the same time he could physically feel it embedding itself into his brain. It was going to stick with him all day, he’d go home and recount the chilling tale of the man across the counter who fixed him with a stare that made his blood freeze over and his eyes leak out his nostrils.

“Chop chop.” He said, his gimice widening.

Right.  
Shit.  
Customer service.

He busied himself via dragging out the coffee making process as much as possible. Sure, he heard mystery guy cough and make impatient sounds, but it didn’t matter because his brain was preoccupied.

There was no way in hell they could be the same person could they? Like, it was physically impossible and made absolutely no sense whatsoever and the thought should have probably ended there. Except Karkat thought about it more and came to the conclusion that, if enough pure unadulterated belief and dipshittery could be focused into a single entity, he could indeed be staring at himself from a parallel universe.

And then he slipped right into fucking moronville because he started thinking about how, if it were possible, said universe had merged. Was dick-sucking-sphincter-knob numero uno here to warn him about his future? Or about his past? Was he here to relay a tragic backstory as a warning against his current life path?

Karklone coughed a little louder.

Shit.  
Fuck.

“Yeah, do you have a name for this?” Karkat found himself dragging a sharpie across the coffee cup, the end of the E was a lot more florished than usual.

“Kankri.”

“Jesus christ.”

Kankri (Jesus fuck) pulled a face, it was there for a split second before it was replaced with a slightly angrier looking grimace.

Karkat scribbled it down (reluctantly) and messed with the coffee machine again. 

The whole double thing didn’t seem as out there anymore. It all fit in such a horrible, brainfucky way and he hated the fact that he was even thinking that it was possible.

He handed him the coffee wordlessly.

As he reached out, Karkat caught a glimpse of something thin and shiny hanging around his wrist. He recognised the pattern and the engraving on the panel looked awfully familiar and-

Oh fuck no.

Karkat glanced down at his own medical bracelet tucked ungracefully under the sleeve of his ugly ass uniform button up.

There was no fucking conceivable way.

"Thanks." He said, grimace still ever present, apparently oblivious to this entire fucking world crushing situation.

This was the part in the transaction where the customer usually left to go do whatever and let the cashier get on with their lives. But instead of leaving like a normal functioning human being, the douchenozzle launched six feet into the fucking air. He yelped and mumbled a collection of fairly colourful words that sounded like they were meant to be curses but he didn't have the heart to swear.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, Karkat watched in slight detestment. He was glad that there were no other customers behind him, otherwise he'd be having to deal with an idiot pileup and he really didn't have the energy left to call Nepeta in.

"I'm so sorry." He said, then once again more to himself.

He tapped something out on his phone and Karkat felt some of his much needed brain cells leak out his ear and patter sadly on the counter.

"So sorry." He said again and fucking ran. Karkat was pretty sure he hadn't ever seen anyone skitter as fast as that fuck did. Especially if you put hot coffee in the mix.

It was only when the door slammed closed (if he scratched something he was fucking paying for it) that Karkat realised that Discomfort Incarnate had left his wallet behind.

He waited for a moment or two for the inevitable 'oh shit!' moment. But it never came.

There was no quick window rattling door open or ear piercing screeches as he realised he left behind a vital part of his day to day life.

There was nothing but an empty, warm room and the sinking feeling that Karkat had to very suddenly become a responsible adult.

He grabbed the wallet and shoved it into his pocket, he could hand it to the police station on his way to the bus stop.

Yeah.

He totally wasn't holding someone's entire personal information in his jeans. Totally. Nothing to worry about.

-

Karkat zoned the entire bus trip, the only notable thing that happened was watching these two girls in hi-vis try and get people to take their free samples and the jesus guy listening to an audiobook of something that definitely wasn’t bible friendly.

He sat near the back and fell almost asleep for the whole twenty minutes, only getting up when he was jolted awake by the bus stopping, thanking every god he could name that he hadn’t missed his stop.

He clambered off along with another woman who was holding a bag of onions, thanked the bus driver and started his walk home.

It was just as uneventful. He walked past the house with the glass bottle windchimes, the house wool all over the door, the playground occupied mostly by teen stoners and the bridge with the friendly dog who lived underneath.

He crossed three roads, two of which never had any cars and the other he nearly got run over on once. He walked past thirteen driveways, one church, one childcare and two small shops on his way to the apartment complex. 

One rusty swing set and a patch of wild flowers later and he was at the building. He opened the door (it had been left open by whoever had gone in before) and began his march up the steps. The elevator had been broken for about a week or two, it would be a bigger problem if the building actually went past ten stories and wasn’t squished as fuck.

He reached his apartment and jammed his keys in the lock. He never had to worry about making enough noise since the lock was so incredibly shitty and the door itself had a tendency to rattle around if you jimmied it too much.

He shoved the door open with his shoulder, prepared to shout a cerimonious “Babe! I’m home!” and be greeted with a cheery, overdramatic “Oh honey I’ve been waiting for you!” and arms flung around his neck.

Instead he was met with soft snores and the sight of Dave asleep on the couch, his shades pushed up on his forehead and his cheek squished against the armrest.

He smiled and slung his bag off of his shoulder, dumping it beside the door and letting his shoulders loosen. 

He made his way towards the kitchen, giving Dave’s head a soft pat on his way past. Dave hummed happily. It was cute but quickly ruined by the long, loud snort he made when he rolled over.

Karkat dug around in the cupboards for something to eat. He could make food but he’d just spent hours around cafe sandwiches and he really didn’t want to deal with making more right now.

There was cereal, fruit, rice crackers, cereal, some weird chocolate thing Dave had bought the other day, cereal.

Karkat grabbed an apple. Although, he didn’t know if he had the attention span to eat a whole apple and they didn’t have any of the small ones he liked. 

He sighed and shuffled around in the fridge for the punnet of strawberries instead.

Karkat shoved the bedroom door open and slid onto the wheelie chair in front of his computer. It would have rolled more if it weren’t for the mess of chords, chip packets and water bottles on the ground.

They’d clean but Dave was lazy and all of Karkat’s energy was spent cleaning himself.

He pulled off his nametag and dumped it somewhere near his keyboard and shoved a strawberry in his mouth.

It was only when he splayed out to get comfortable that he felt something in his pocket shove into his stomach.

His chapstick was on the desk and he’d put his wallet in his bag so he was out of explanations.

He dug around in his pocket absent mindedly, opening pesterchum as he did so. He’d tell Sollux about the weird guy from work today, he’d probably get a kick out of that.

Fuck.

Weird guy and his wallet.

_Weird guy and his wallet that he left on the counter._

Karkat damn near screeched and pulled Krankry or whatever’s wallet from his pocket, dropping it on his keyboard like it burned.

Fuck fuck fuck.

He had the ability to fucking ruin his life, he could take everything from that grimacing pest and demand more. Hell, Sollux was online, together they could break that fuckers heart and rip open his bank account like fear hungry vultures.

It was too late to go talk to the police about it now, he was too tired for the bus and Dave’s car was still at John’s house and-

Fuck he’d hand it in tomorrow.

_He’d hand it in tomorrow with a name and a description of who lost it._

Karkat picked up the wallet carefully from the corner as if one wrong move could end up with it biting him or something.

He unclipped it slowly, peeking inside almost guiltily. Like a teenage boy finding a porn mag for the first time.

Ew okay no, scratch that one. Bad metaphor.

Inside he found two art gallery membership cards (the one he could read said Stephan but he didn’t catch the last name), one pocket of just receipts, a single euro, a note with a hurried out phone number and an id.

That was what Karkat was stalling from looking at.

He slid it out of the plastic window carefully, breathing out and taking a closer look.

He looked much the same as he did when Karkat saw him, though his shirt was different and his hair was neater. He decided he had enough of staring at his face of detestment and scanned the card for actually useful information, like his name.

Kankri Vantas. Right, so that was how you spelled it

_Vantas._

Karkat’s slow as fuck train of thought finally caught up with him and he felt the card drop from his hand and his eyes bulge.

He looked familiar because he was familiar.

He was his fucking brother.

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering  twinArmageddons [TA]

CG: SO GUESS WHO JUST POCKETED 47 DOLLARS IN CASH AND A COFFEE STAINED ID?   
TA: ii alway2 knew youd fiind your2elf bored wiith the daiily mundane doldrum2 of liife and siink two the 2cumbag liife of criime two get your kiick2   
TA: ii am, how you 2ay, proud of your achiievement2.   
CG: NO THE MEANS OF WHICH I ACQUIRED THIS SHIT IS EVEN FUCKING WORSE.   
CG: SOME DICKWEED LEFT IT ON THE COUNTER AT WORK, NEARLY PULLED A DINE AND DASH IF IT WEREN’T FOR THE FACT THAT HE’D ALREADY GIVEN ME THE FUCKING MONEY.   
CG: AND YOU KNOW HOW YOU SAID THAT THERE’S ONLY LIKE THREE CAPTORS YOU KNOW IN THIS AREA AND YOU COULD GRAB ANY OTHER FROM ANY STATE IN AMERICA AND CHANCES ARE YOU’D BE LIKE FOURTH COUSINS TWICE REMOVED OR SOME SHIT?   
TA: ii thiink ii know what youre gettiing at but iim goiing two let you keep talkiing becau2e 2eeiing you 2hort ciircuiit ii2 fuckiing iincrediible.   
CG: REVOKING YOUR MIGRAINE MEDS FOR THAT SHIT.  
CG: BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE. A FUCKING MIGRAINE AND IF I’M SUFFERING YOU HAVE TO SUFFER TOO.   
TA: je2u2 chrii2t the 2u2pen2e ii2 kiilliing me or whatever el2e wiill 2edate your fuckiing complex.   
CG: I DON’T HAVE A COMPLEX FUCK YOU.   
CG: ANYWAY YOU KNOW HOW I MENTIONED HAVING A BROTHER ONCE AND REMEMBER HOW YOU’VE LITERALLY NEVER LET ME FORGET?   
TA: you found hiim?   


Karkat groaned, rubbed his eyes and shoved another strawberry into his mouth.

CG: MORE LIKE HE FOUND ME.  
CG: AND NOW I HAVE HIS CREDIT CARD DETAILS, MONEY AND MEMBERSHIP TO THE FUCKING PORTRAIT GALLERY OF ALL THINGS AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.   
TA: well obviiou2ly the fiir2t port of call ii2 two get iintwo hii2 bank account.   
TA: fuckiing iidiiot.  
CG: JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU STOP BEING A THICK FUCKING IMBECILE FOR TWO SECONDS AND ACTUALLY HELP ME?   
TA: ii dont know fuckiing look hiim up or whatever.   
TA: 2ee iif he ha2 a facebook or 2omethiing and me22age hiim about hii2 wallet.   
CG: WOW...OKAY THAT’S ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD.   
CG: THANKS.   
TA: dont 2ay ii never taught you nothiing.   


carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering  twinArmageddons [TA]

He sat back from his computer and rubbed his temples, thinking.

Instead of opening up www.google.com/who the fuck is this guy and how did I forget he was related to me, he pushed his chair away from the computer and decided to go sit with Dave for a bit.

He was fairly certain he was awake, since he heard some sort of scrambling in the lounge room mid freak out.

Unless they were being robbed, which was perfectly viable.

Karkat grabbed his strawberries and clomped his way back into the lounge room, prepared softly whack an intruder over the head or throw gentle and vaguely malleable fruits and mildly inconvenience them to death.

He was met with Dave, halfway between the kitchen and his shades somewhere on the floor near the coffee table.

“Hey babe.” His face softened and he made grabby/clappy hands, the universal sign of ‘chuck one here.’

Karkat threw a strawberry at him, he would have caught it if it weren’t for the fact that it bounced off his hand and hit him in the chest.

They sat down on the couch together, Karkat making a defeated sort of long sigh as he sunk into the cushions.

Dave slung his arm around his shoulder, “Work getting you down? Roxy bury herself under piles of foodstuffs?”

“I think I just aged four years in the span of half an hour.” Karkat groaned, leaning into his side.

“What’s happening?” He asked, “Anything I can help with or is it out of mortal control and in the hands of the fates?”

“Family issues.” It was barely a mumble.

“Cougar-Aunt Julie back at it again?” Dave shook him gently, “C’mon speak to me Karkat.”

He inhaled, prepared to spurt out a long winded ramble about his either absent or overbearing brother who spent more time following his Dad than he ever spent with him. About how he always felt more alone when he was talking to him than he did when he was gone and how pressured he felt as a kid to be just as great as his soft spoken model student older brother.

He wanted to talk about just how lonely he felt, about how he always had a roof over his head and food on the table but never anyone to talk to, about fending for himself, about begging the grown ups to listen, about how he’d do anything just please, please don’t send him back.

Instead what came out was a measly “Do you want to go on an internet expedition to find my big brother?”

Dave’s eyes lit up, “Of fucking course.”

And he sat up, dragging Karkat with him, to go find his laptop.

 

Finding him was actually a lot more simple than originally planned.

Karkat sat between Dave’s legs, skimming the results for anything interesting.

“Blablabla youth pastor blablabla money blablabla ooh poetry competition.” Dave murmured, mostly to himself “God your brother’s fucking boring.”

He found one or two things, but one of them was for an age old school newspaper and the other one was about a Social Studies whatever that he wasn’t really interested in.

Though it was useful to note that they either did or used to live in the same area, the school Kankri had gotten all those awards or whatever from was surprisingly close to the school Karkat went to.

“God I wouldn’t be surprised if he had like, seven chess trophies.” He smooshed his cheek into Karkat’s head and made a bored sounding sigh, “God, how did you come out so interesting if that’s the shit you take after?”

Karkat shrugged wordlessly, still looking for some kind of social media with an im or maybe a link to a personal account he could get Sollux to mess around with.

“Ooh, click that one.” Dave grabbed the mouse around Karkat’s hand and went to some shady looking website.

The layout was shit and the colours were glary and he had the sinking suspicion that this was something Gamzee would like.

“Kankri Vantas.” Dave said, with an air of authority, “Something, something, something working on degrees for Social Sciences and English, something, something, if life and/or social help needed, please inquire here.”

Karkat furrowed his eyebrows and scrolled down a bit, “So what, is he like a love doctor or some shit?”

“Oh ew, I don’t want to know what porno shit your lame brother is into.” Dave rolled his eyes. Karkat couldn’t see but he had been around him long enough to tell when he was rolling his eyes, “Fuck man, he’s like a self employed counselor.”

“Oh god.” Karkat knew from experience that that was a bad sign.

“Send him a message,” Dave shrugged, “Tell him about your thievery and beg him to let you off the hook.”

“I don’t want to play into whatever gross kink thing this is.” Karkat clicked the message box anyway, prepared to write a good paragraph or two of mixed apologies and anger.

All of his momento fizzled out as soon as his fingers touched the keys, “The fuck do I write? Hi, it’s your younger brother Karkat who you haven’t seen since we were gross slobbery kids with no self control, I have your wallet and social security number do you want these back by any chance?”

“Yeah, that’ll work.”

Karkat grumbled and wrote.

Something about childhood, a dash of annoyance at his terrible social skills, a bit of guilt and a pinch of apologies and ah, that should do the trick.

“Nice work.” Dave rubbed his shoulder comfortingly, “Now just send that bitch off and see if it hits its target.”

“And while we do that we can eat dinner and sleep?” Karkat leaned back against him and closed his eyes, “emotional turmoil fucks you up. I’m exhausted.”

“Yeah not good for the skin.” Dave agreed, “I can make burgers?”

 

They ordered take away instead.

Dave ate all of the prawn crackers (showing Karkat how they could stick to his tongue), Karkat nearly ate the fortune from his cookie and they added a brand new stain to the couch with the sweet and sour sauce.

After they piled their rubbish onto the side of the coffee table (that was something future them could deal with) Dave piled himself into his bed, Karkat skittering away to brush his teeth, answering Dave's teasing with an exasperated “I can bleed out from my gums.”

They would have snuggled if it weren't for the fact that Dave was a twig who went numb after five minutes of Karkat's head on his shoulder and Karkat was more like a brick.

Instead they lay facing each other, Dave occasionally leaning forward to kiss his forehead or nose restlessly.

Despite the constant moving, Karkat managed to drift into a light, almost sleep.

He dreamed about his Dad for the first time in years.


	2. I know they say big brothers suck but this is reaching

Karkat didn’t work Tuesdays, Dave helped at some record store on every day but weekends. Which meant that Karkat was left to his own devices for pretty much the entire day.

Most of his time was spent watching movies (though he saved most of them for weekends with Dave) or at the smoothie place near his house talking to Eridan because as weird as he was, he made for good conversation.

Except Karkat spent most of the morning fussing over his computer.

Of course Kankri hadn’t responded yet, he seemed like the kind of person who went to sleep on time and showered every day and kept to a solid schedule. You know, like a well functioning human being.

And of course because it was nearly eleven, he probably had better things to do than sit around at his computer reading.

...Unlike Karkat.

“C’mon babe you’re gonna fizzle your brain.” Dave said, hoisting his bag up his back, “Promise me your nose won’t be pressed against the computer screen when I get back?”

Karkat sighed and leaned back in his chair, throwing his head back dramatically.

Dave made a face and leaned down to kiss him, spiderman style. Karkat pulled a similar face when eventually moved away.

“That was a lot less fulfilling than the movie made it seem.” He said, his head still dangling halfway off the chair, “Either that or I was just doing it wrong.”

Dave smiled and slid his shades down his forehead, “Well I’d love to stay and test that theory but I have to go trade my services for a disposable income so we can eat things like fresh vegetables and cake.”

“You know you’re not leaving without a goodbye kiss though?” Karkat straightened, really not liking the way the angle fucked with his neck.

Dave laughed and cupped his cheek, Karkat totally didn’t lean into it and totally didn’t melt when Dave leaned in.

The kiss went from a quick peck to something more gentle and Karkat would be fine with that if it weren’t for the fact that Dave had to _leave_ or he’d miss his bus.

“Dave.” He warned.

He pulled away sadly a second later, hoisting his bag back up to make a point.

“See you tonight.” He smiled and ruffled Karkat's hair.

“Bring home bacon.” He smiled too, watching as Dave scuttled out of their room and to the door.

He heard the front door click closed and then he was left to himself.

He gave another weary look towards his computer screen, stomach twisting uncomfortably.

He frowned and stood up, moving to sit at the kitchen instead.

He didn't want to spend all day at his computer.

He instead busied himself by making lunchfast (brunch sounded like a social gathery thing and he wasn't a white middle aged suburban mum who spent her weekends in the cul de sac with the kids), he pulled open the cupboards and inspected. He could make pasta, they still had Dave's sauce left over. There was tinned soup, boxes of mac and cheese, noodles.

A shit ton of noodles.

He rummaged around and grabbed the peanut butter.

And while he busied himself cutting up slices of apple he busied himself by thinking up some fun facts for tomorrow.

Roxy used the chalkboard board for fun facts on Wednesdays, she'd pick her favourites and write them in big, pink writing all over their list of the favourite coffee the other guys had made.

Karkat went through his list, dunking his apple into the peanut butter in thought.

Aspirin thins blood, he found that one out firsthand when he'd taken it at John’s house without thinking and had to spend ages in the hospital.

It takes about 8 and a half minutes for light to reach earth.

One of the most haunted buildings in Australia is the national film and sound archive which used to be an anatomy museum.

Dave was afraid of hospitals but Karkat wasn't, though they were both a bit iffy around blood (Roxy had a soft spot for out of context facts about her friends which she could confuse customers with).

According to people who have eaten it, human tastes like pork with a slightly sour aftertaste.

There is a spider which is about the size of a small dog, it's completely harmless to humans but it has hooves.

The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.

He shoved more apple into his mouth. Last time he’d given Roxy a fact about Dave (that being that his first ever camera was stolen from his old school and ran on film) he’d gotten a bunch of questions about it from this weird old woman.

”Oh wow I love your bracelet.” She’d said, looking like she was about two seconds away from adding 'wow I have a gay friend too I should show you him’ and Karkat would have to explain to her that no, that's not how that worked and that yes, he already had a boyfriend.

She had the face of a woman fishing for brownie points, if that meant stomaching staring at his nail polish and accessories, then so be it. 

Karkat wasn't going to give her the satisfaction.

“Thanks.” He said, handing her the coffee and expecting her to leave, “It notifies paramedics that I’m a hemophiliac so they can take proper precautions in case they find me bleeding out.”

Her face fell and she coughed, nodding and swallowing before turning away sort of awkwardly.

Sure it was kind of mean but if he had to hear more aggressively happy comments about her son (hint hint) and Karkat's single pride related pin _(hint hint)_ he’d shove his fist through his head.

He dipped another apple slice into the peanut butter.

Roxy was semi-directly-related by some weird string of events to Dave's sister who herself was dating Kanaya who herself was not related but also considered herself related to Karkat.

Which meant, if you stretched the definition as far as it could physically go (as in like, grappling as it collapsed under its own stress levels of stretch), Roxy and Karkat were almost just barely half cousins.

She was sure to get a kick out of that one.

Karkat decided he had had enough of stalling and brought both his food and his somewhere else train of thought back to his room.

He sat down in front of his computer, going back to whatever dress up game website he was on to pass time.

He said almost a sorrowful farewell to...Princess Birdie? Shit that was actually terrible. 

Karkat clicked over to Kankri’s weird neon red website (it was probably Tumblr or something but that didn't look like no Tumblr layout) to see if he’d replied.

He scrolled around, Kankri had answered some question about relationship advice with a long, convoluted paragraph mostly detailing his own celibacy which when boiled down just ended being a long winded way of saying you do you.

No dice.

Karkat looked around a little more, snooping on other things he’d said.

There was some update post about leaving for a while due to whatever addressed to his nine or ten followers (most of them, Karkat guessed, were from poor innocent bastards who stumbled upon his page in a need of help).

Blah blah blah yada yada.

It was mostly the same (save for the rather angry message he had given to some guy named Cronus who’d been terrorising him for a while [and by terrorise he meant send him a bunch of questions about his love life]).

Shit, this is what he spent his spare time doing? Karkat could do this easily.

Did he get paid for this shit? Was some sad sack handing him actual money for this communal wank fest of bad advice and long festering issues?

Halfway through his internal monologue which had slowly diverged into a rant about font size the page shifted uncomfortably to tell him that it updated.

He sighed and reloaded it, expecting another question about the moral choices of wearing sweaters with boob windows.

Instead he was met with equally as awful red text addressed to him.

Dear wh9ever t99k my wallet (y9u and I 69th kn9w wh9 y9u are), sadly I d9 n9t have a pesterchum and I’m in n9 real rush t9 get 9ne either. Please feel free t9 message me 9ver this we6site and we can leave it as that 9r discuss 9ther means 9f c9mmunicating if that d9es n9t fit your needs. 

Ugh even his typing was pretentious.

Fucking fine, they’d do it his way. Karkat grumbled and sent him another message.

HI IT’S ME AGAIN. YOU KNOW, KARKAT, THE ONE WHO TOOK YOUR WALLET. THIS IS FINE FOR NOW, BUT YOUR LAYOUT IS MAKING MY EYES BLEED. 

Fuck did he want his shit back or not? Just send him a time he’d be able to come to the cafe tomorrow and he’d give it to him. Bam all done, problem solved, transaction complete, do not pass go, do not collect twenty dollars. Fuck.

I sincerely ap9l9gize, I can change it if it’s causing y9u physical pain? 

God fucking dammit.

FIGURE OF SPEECH. 

He left out the dickhead part. They hadn’t passed that barrier yet and he didn’t want to push him away and complicate shit even more.

I’m aware. If it is alright with y9u I’m free this aftern99n, if it isn’t 9verstepping any 69undaries I’d much like t9 catch up with y9u. It quite literally has 6een years. 

Fuck.  
No.

No this wasn’t turning into a picturesque ending credits scene. The main character nestled comfortably in the booth of an old style diner, his daughter he never knew he had is sitting across from him clutching a ratty barbie in her grubby hands, warfing down pancakes after years of living alone with no contact to her family after her father was sent to the slammer under false accusations of murder. He almost sheds a tear and takes a sip of his coffee, black, like the little girl’s mother used to make before falling into a life of drugs and crime. They’re broken, but he will try his best to put them back together with his one working, calloused and worn hand.

I’VE CONSIDERED THIS AND FUCKING FINE, BUT I NEED TO KNOW WHERE SO I CAN PLOT A SAFE WAY HOME IN CASE YOU SHANK ME AND/OR WE GET SHANKED. 

Yes, getting shanked is n9t ideal. D9 y9u kn9w the park with the 6ig, steel statue 9f the sheep? 

I KNOW OF IT. 

I live very cl9se t9 that area, I rec9mend meeting there as it is the mid gr9und 6etween my h9use and the cl9sest 6us stop. 

That and you’re completely fine with me going halfway across the city, you just don’t want to inconvenience yourself, Karkat didn’t say.

OKAY FINE WHAT TIME? 

Karkat shoved his wallet into his bag, hauling it over his shoulder. He checked and then rechecked everything. He had his scarf, his phone, his bus pass.

He sent Dave a message on his way out.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering  turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: I’M GOING OFF TO GO HAVE A FUN FILLED, ANEURYSM INDUCING REUNION WITH MY ‘BIG BRO’ IN THE PARK. IT’LL BE EMOTIONAL, TEAR JERKING AND INTIMATE AS HE WILL MOST LIKELY BOMBARD ME WITH DUMB QUESTIONS ABOUT HOW HORRIBLE MY LIFE WAS WITHOUT HIM. CALL ME WHEN YOU GET HOME, I DON’T KNOW IF I’LL BACK BEFORE YOU.   


carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering  turntechGodhead [TG]

He adjusted his letterman (he didn’t do sports, it was Dave’s. Dave didn’t do sports either, he just thought it made him look cool) and made his way to the front door, grumbling as he marched down the stairs.

Flowers, swingset, shops, childcare, church, thirteen driveways, two roads, bridge with the dog, stoner playground, wool covered house and glass covered house.

Karkat sat down at the bus stop and groaned, waiting was never his strong point.

He waited, staring at the tarmac until it went blurry. He didn’t really feel like zoning back in, so he just stared and thought. Mostly about mundane things, like whatever dumb story arc the show he was watching yesterday was trying to shoehorn in or the picture of the cute guy Dave sent him the other day.

Followed by a bunch of pictures of Winona Ryder circa Beetlejuice.

He regretted telling him he used to style his fringe like that.

Karkat crinkled his nose and reset his train of thought. 

If you turn the word ‘swims’ upside down, it will still read as swims.

He heard the familiar rumble of the bus engine down the street, he tore his eyes away from the road and squinted, watching as it turned the corner and grumbled its way towards him.

He stood up half consciously and flagged the bus down. He climbed the steps (it was one of the old ones), gave the bus driver a small pile of loose change (none of the small coins, he wasn't a sadist) and climbed onto a seat near the back, his feet warmed by the heat of the engine.

He lapsed into routine, he caught himself off in space once or twice and had to remind himself that he wasn't going into the middle of the city and actually had to pay attention to the stops.

He watched the buildings around him change, the area going from tall and residential to hulking and commercial. He looked at the rundown seven eleven across the road, the big mall with the weird art installations in front of it. There was a decent yum cha place near a shady looking newsagent which was probably just a guise for an underground drug ring.

He watched as the bus drove past the mall and past a long, tall iron fence. One of the old fancy ones with this rusted iron spikes along the top. 

That was the very end of the park.

The park with the sheep statue was actually made up of more than the playground, barbecue area with stains all over the tables, the old, rustic gazebo with some memorial plaque on the ground (Karkat had never actually read it, he just knew that it was about some important guy to the town or whatever and that he’d once watched some small kid eat chips of undefined age/sanitation off of it). It was quite a large area, Karkat himself had never explored past the furthest picnic table so he had no idea what secrets hid in the bushes and trees around the edge.

The bus rumbled past, further, further and he was still going past the park.

He jabbed at the button, the bus eventually wheezing to a stop near the second most entrance, the cast iron gates parting to very jarring and very modern looking smaller slabs of metal, to stop drunk ass drivers from ramming up the path and hitting a small kid or an angry barbecuing dad.

He opened his phone, walking past the gate and suddenly shrouded in the shadows the trees. It made him feel small, though most things made him feel small so he wasn’t about to complain.

I’M HERE, WHAT PART ARE YOU IN? 

the area with the sheep statue, we discussed this. 

Sigh.

He hauled ass up the path and down past the playground. There were like, three children tops and he made eye contact with one of them for about four seconds. To a small child it probably felt like years.

He mustered up a small grin, to be polite and the kid’s face exploded into a bright smile, all gapped teeth and half chewed sandwich.

He kept going, feeling the eyes of small, judgemental children on his back.

He wasn’t afraid of many people (save for Sollux’s Dad when he was angry, which he’d seen only once and only for a second before he bailed and hid under his bed) but small, judgemental children creeped him out.

The path wound further, past clumps of trees and a Mum having a picnic.

The path widened into a large circle of concrete, to the side near a park bench sat a large, metal sheep about half the size of him.

He trudged down the path, his hands would have been buried deep into his pockets if it weren't busy cradling his phone.

I see y9u.

Karkat saw the mess of wiry Vantas hair before he saw the rest of him. He was standing against a tree, rather than in plain sight like a helpful human being, looking at his phone.

He raised his hand and waved, “Kankri!” He yelled towards him.

“Karkat.” He yelled back.

He didn't really know what to expect, not exactly a running jump hug, fuzzy pink filter coupled with a swelling orchestral section but he at least thought there was going to be more…Emotion.

They walked towards each other, Karkat wasn’t sure if he was meant to give him a hug or a handshake or…

“Excuse me?” Kankri asked, looking down at Karkat’s closed fist in front of him.

“Shit, sorry.” he mumbled, mostly to himself. Reverting back to Strider Communication was definitely not a good first impression.

He jerked his hand back into his pocket, noting his unrequited fist bump. Probably not a touchy kind of guy.

Oh yeah, pocket.

“Shit, fuck, jesus christ.” He said again, louder, digging in his pockets and thrusting Kankri’s wallet towards him, “Oh god I’m so sorry for taking this I was going to hand it to the cops I swear I just-”

Kankri gave him a look and took his wallet from the corner, as if one wrong move could end up with Karkat biting him or something.

“No offence taken, it was my fault for being so careless.” Kankri’s weird fake gentle tone faltered, and something that sounded much like Karkat’s own 40 packs a day smoker voice threatened to peak through, “Thank you for taking care of it though, I’m lucky it was you and not some-”

He trailed off, tucking his wallet back into his pocket gingerly.

Holy fuck. Was he wearing high waisted jeans?

“It’s been maybe twelve years Karkat.” He started, carefully, “I have so much I need to ask you, if you’re comfortable explaining yourself that is?”

And shit he was expecting the conversation to be somber and cautious, but he wasn’t going to fucking shatter. At the same time though, he wasn’t sure what he’d be able to answer without completely throwing Kankri under the bus. Years of neglect wasn’t exactly a conversational piece you just...Sprung on people.

“Shoot.” He said, mentally kicking himself.

“Right.” Kankri said, looking like a comically long list of parchment just unraveled somewhere in his brain.

He lead them to the park bench, twisting around and swallowing before asking “Who did you live with?”

Right, time to get his ground kissing ready. Karkat squared his shoulders, tried to look confident and-

Wait.

Wrong question.

He was expecting something like “Why did you run away?” or “Why didn’t you ever come back?” or “Why didn’t you recognise me before?” not something as easy as...

“I bounced around.” He’d explained this a thousand times to Dave and Kanaya and Sollux to varying degrees. They all knew this, this was like common Vantas knowledge, “I have two Mums, an Aunt and a Dad officially but I also lived with my friends.”

Hell, even Rose knew this and he wasn’t even that close to her.

“Right.” Kankri nodded, processing, “And what about now?”

Shit why were these questions so easy? Nothing deep cutting or emotionally scarring at all.

“I share an apartment with my boyfriend Dave.” This was common Strider knowledge too, every StriLonde knew about Karkat, he’d met every single one of them.

Save for one, but they avoided that topic.

Kankri's face faltered for a second, it was replaced by a faker looking small smile as soon as it happened, but he still caught it. 

“You have a boyfriend?” The word didn't quite sit right on his tongue, it sounded weird coming from them.

“Okay look, if this is going to be a problem for you let me finish this for you right now and say that yes, Dave and I are in a relationship. Yes, we make out from time to time, we stare at each other's asses, we say I love you to each other.” Karkat felt steam pouring out of his ears, his fingers dug into his thigh, tangled in the hem of his shirt.

Kankri’s face fell, he hurried to cover himself up, “No, no, no it's not that.”

Karkat wasn't impressed.

“It's just that I’m not used to thinking of you as-”

“Into guys?” Karkat quirked an eyebrow.

“-older than five.” He said firmly.

Oh.

Fair enough.

Karkat sighed and hunched over “Any other questions?”

Kankri actually looked stumped, from his face he guessed processing things, stumbling over questions and assessing them to make sure they were first meeting appropriate.

“Just one, if it's okay.” He scrunched up the side of his shirt. Huh, so it was a family thing.

Karkat didn't say anything but he nodded a little at him, Kankri’s pained expression didn't actually change but he breathed out and opened his mouth.

“What do you remember from home? You were very young when you left.” 

Shit, that was one of the ones he was dreading.

After a second of contemplation he decided to just bite the bullet and get on with it.

“I remember Dad sort of. I remember the feeling of him, he was warm and friendly and weirdly happy but I have no idea what he looks like.” That was pretty much the truth, he knew he was growing a beard because the stubble would scratch him when he hugged him and he knew that he also had the Vantas hair but that was about it.

“I remember that he wasn't home most of the time and I was alone a lot but I knew how to make jelly so that wasn't a problem for a while.”

Kankri’s face shifted into something of recollection, “Yeah you knew how to work the kettle before you could read most recipes that would require hot water.”

Wow for someone with four faces tops, he was oddly expressive.

“And I remember you sort of.” He edged his way around that topic, not bringing up his weirdly controlling or egotistical nature, “You read a lot.”

And talked a lot, Karkat didn't say.

Kankri smiled just a little, which would have been nice if it weren't for the fact that his mouth spread sideways and his cheeks squished out of the way and his eyes stayed the same size.

Like, Jesus, Karkat knew that he didn't have the greatest of smiles himself but that was just fucking ridiculous.

“Can I ask you shit now?” Karkat asked, really fucking eager to get out of the hot seat finally.

“Go ahead.” Kankri nodded, but looked a little put off by Karkat's language.

Fuck him.

“What's happening at home right now? How's Dad?” He shoved his head in his hands. He couldn't actually remember what his Dad was like so it would be best to find a reliable source to go off of before he went off to go find him. Wherever he was.

“Home is…” Kankri hesitated, he was hiding something, “It's complicated.”

Karkat raised a single, untrusting eyebrow.

“You know that Dad was a preacher right?” His voice was small.

Karkat nodded. Okay, that was technically a lie, he didn’t know anything about his Dad’s job but everyone else did. He didn’t find out until years later when people who knew him sprung it on him. It was weird and jarring hearing Sollux’s Dad talk about his Dad and the church.

His stomach twinged a little at the use of was.

“He’s...Not doing that anymore. He left the church.” He looked like he was going to follow that up with something but he closed his mouth before anything else could come out.

“Oh.” Karkat exhaled, thankfully not stupidly loud. His Dad was okay. 

“What is he doing now?”

His Dad wasn’t dead oh thank fuck, thank every single fuck, thank every fuck personally. Karkat was crumpled in front of an alter of fuck just babbling on about unfinished business and apology.

Kankri looked pained, “We...We’re looking for something now. Kind of hard to get him a place he’d like after…”

He trailed off and Karkat’s hope crumbled beneath him. After what? What did he do?

Karkat voiced this question and Kankri made an uncertain groaning noise and answered with another “It’s complicated.”

“I’m guessing Dad is a complicated subject?” Karkat asked.

Kankri nodded.

He hummed and thought, there was something bugging him, although he wasn’t sure if it were socially appropriate to ask just yet.

“Okay, Fuck, so…” Karkat said intelligently.

Kankri gave him a look, he ignored it for the most part.

“What happened after I left?” He asked, slowly and carefully, testing the water.

Kankri froze for a second, his jaw tightened and he thought, “We…”

“Did you look for me?” He asked, suddenly filled with guilt he buried when he was thirteen.

“For a while yes, but we talked to some of the people in the area and they said…” He got very awkward and quiet for a second, “They said that you didn’t want to come home.”

Fuck.

Karkat stuffed his hands in his pockets, hunching over further. His gut twisted uncomfortably and he tasted something weird and heavy in the back of his throat.

“Why didn’t you?” He asked and he sounded so fucking heartbroken. Like, shit that probably fucked with him for years. Of course he had a part in that but he didn’t need to _know_ , or at least he could have found out in a better way. 

“I was lonely.” Karkat mumbled and shit, that was so fucking pathetic and he knew it, “Dad was never home and there was always more important things to deal with and you-”

“You had me.” The edge was back to Kankri’s voice, his dumb councillor persona falling away and leaving something scratchier.

Fuck now they were both horrible, over dramatic, soap opera sons of bitches.

“I couldn’t talk to you.” Shit that came out wrong.

And fuck, Kankri looked hurt. Somewhere inside his gut an eight year old Karkat was laughing “Welcome to my world, motherfucker!” and finally getting a leg up in his horrible self worth, but current and more rational him was freaking the fuck out.

“You…” He tried to recover from that hot mess but he couldn’t think of any way to flip it, “You were busy too, you had your own better things to do instead of-”

Fuck that was something ready to spill. Karkat shut his mouth quickly. He wasn’t prepared to have an impromptu feelings jam with his older brother. There were boundaries and Kankri was approximately eleven thousand metres too close.

Kankri’s mouth was a thin line, he didn’t look like he was taking anything in, more like he was trying not to argue against him, “You really think that? I was trying my hardest to keep everything under control. You’re correct in thinking that I had better things to do than be around you because I don’t know if you remember, you probably won’t considering you don’t remember _anything_ but I was in school, Karkat.”

Okay, nope, walls back up. Karkat wrapped his arms around himself and stared at the ground, standard argument safety position.

“Sure, it wasn’t like I was taking any classes above my year level, but I still had to balance school and home. Dad wasn’t there because sometimes he simply _couldn’t_ , he was juggling jobs and had already fallen out with the church once, I had to step in and help you when I could but sometimes it just wasn’t possible. Karkat there is no way you could have understood then but I hope to god you understand now, there were no other options.”

For a moment Karkat was back in his kitchen, small and grubby and generally uncoordinated. They never fought, Kankri and Dad never ever fought but they ignored each other. Kankri would sit at the kitchen bench, his back turned to Dad while he sat on the couch in the lounge room with his head in his hands.

“Kankri.” He would sigh, rubbing his temples. Kankri’s fists would tighten and he would hunch further over the bench.

Karkat would be stranded in the middle of them, trying to understand everything.

He was _five_ for fucks sake, that shouldn’t have been his job.

Karkat heard his phone ping from his pocket (Dave’s pocket, his brain supplied), he fished it out and held it to his face immediately. He didn’t care that he was being rude, anything to get him out of his head and away from this emotional mess.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TG: hey kitkat im driving home rn youre at the park right do you want a ride?   
CG: OH GOD PLEASE.   
CG: SAVE ME FROM THIS INSUFFERABLE PRICK DEAR CHRIST ABOVE I ALMOST CAN’T TAKE IT.   
TG: can do   
TG: ill meet you at the bus stop 

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

“Hey look.” Karkat unraveled himself and turned to Kankri, “I have to go, Dave’s picking me up.”

Kankri’s lip uncurled and his face settled into its usual, weirdly unsettling calm demeanor “Right, well-”

Karkat cut him off before he could finish, “I still want to talk, I need to know about Dad.”

“Where are you getting picked up?” He asked, instead of acknowledging what he just said.

“Uh.” He said for a few seconds, “The bus stop out that way.” He pointed, there was a bush in the way.

“Right.” Kankri said and stood up, Karkat followed “We should talk again later, when you’re less emotional.”

Ah, there it was.

“I’ll message you when I get home.” He pulled his jacket over his shoulders and ran a hand through his hair, “Bye Karkat.”

“Bye.” He said, slowly slipping into angry/sad limbo.

He started walking, trudging his way back up the path.

The kids had gone when he walked past the park again, though someone left a plastic spade in the dirt near the swings. He kept walking.

He sat down at the bus stop, pulling his knees to his chest.

He felt...Mushy. His insides were mashed potatoes and his brain was the hefty serving of gravy, mama’s homemade bangers and mash squished perfectly into human form by little Timmy at the dinner table. Don’t play with your food kids, it generally ends out with sad sacks of shit with family issues.

Fuck, that metaphor was getting him nowhere.

He heard the telltale rattling sounds of Dave’s shitty engine and the horrible, horrible 90’s rap blasting from the speakers.

He looked up and smiled weakly, Dave always knew how to make him feel better, even if unwittingly.

He pulled up and wound down the window, “Hey babe.”

God, Karkat damn nearly cried tears of pure relief when he met eyes with Dave. He smiled (stronger and wider this time), pulled open the door and heaved his ass inside.

Dave turned the radio down and pulled out of the bus park. Karkat slumped against the seat and sighed.

“That bad?” he asked, grinning at him. Though he sounded sympathetic.

“Fucking horrible.” Karkat groaned and rubbed his temples, “Do you ever fuck something up so bad you regret being born?”

“All the time.” Dave grinned even wider “Tell me what happened Karkat, you're killing me over here.”

Karkat sighed, leaning over and rubbing his face. He jerked back when he realised that was a very...Dad Vantas sort of thing to do.

“I feel like I know even less than when I came here.” He leaned against the window instead. Smooth work Karkat.

“Like, surprise surprise! My Dad did _something_ and now the church hates him but that's about it. Oh also my brother thinks cooking two minute noodles or at least fucking talking to me while finishing grade six math homework was a big ask.”

Dave pulled a face but didn't say anything.

“And jesus Dave, now he just doesn’t know how to stop talking. Like, I get that I’m wordy as shit and you’ve basically recited the entire dictionary at me on multiple occasions but god damn at least you actually get somewhere.” He smacked his head against the window in defeat.

“Let’s look on the Mr. Brightside here,” Dave said, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel to an almost unintelligible beat, “You don’t have to talk to him tomorrow.”

Karkat sighed and nodded, his shoulders drooping, “He’s going to try and talk to me though.” 

Dave pulled a sympathetic sort of half smile (It wasn’t even one of the Strider smiles, he just genuinely didn’t look like he knew what to do with his face) and tapped his fingers off beat, this time to his thinking.

“Tomorrow’s Wednesday.” He said, “You still have to give Rox her fun fact.”

“Oh shit right.” Karkat fumbled for his phone.

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering  tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

CG: ACCORDING TO EXTENSIVE SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH, IT’S ACTUALLY THE CHICKEN THAT CAME FIRST, NOT THE EGG.   
TG: omg holy shit katz youre a fuckin genious   
TG: also you just settled an age old argument between me and dirkjerk so thx for that bb ;)   
CG: WHATEVER FLOOBS YOUR BOOBS OR WHATEVER THE FUCK.   
TG: :D 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering  tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

 

“Dude your aunt-cousin is fucking weird.” Karkat said, considering if he should send a winky face back. Was that a conversation point that required a winky face? Was he missing something? Because Dave only sent winky faces when he was fucking with him and he knew Roxy was a lot more liberal with her use of emojis.

Fuckin whatever.

“Dude, A: Rude. B: You’re acting like this isn’t already a well known fact.” Dave reached his free hand (which really shouldn’t have been free but whatever, if they crashed and burned because Dave was affection hungry then it was his funeral. Though technically it would be Karkat’s too...) and ruffled Karkat’s hair. Then it settled just draped around his shoulder.

“Uuuugggghhhhhh.” Karkat groaned dramatically, squishing Dave’s arm behind him, “God can we at least listen to something that isn’t just mindless brain numbing record scratches?”

Dave’s lip quirked upwards “You just want me to play your trashy indie punk.”

“So what if I do? You know you like it, don’t lie to yourself like that.” Karkat raised an eyebrow in retaliation.

“The second I hear something about someone hating their town I’m turning it off.” Dave challenged, but he was grinning.

And just like that, Karkat had won.

Dave turned the radio up and Karkat spent the entire drive home with his nose pressed very firmly into Dave’s business.


	3. Shit dude fuckin antique dressers man

Dave stuffed a bunch of snacks into his bag, dragging them off the kitchen bench with his arm like in those old cartoons. Karkat gave him a look but continued buttoning up his shirt. He hated it but Dave found him almost adorable looking at least a little dressed up. 

He watched as Karkat wrinkled his nose up as he stuffed his apron in his bag, shifting everything around to get enough room and then shifting everything again.

“Fuck uniforms.” He grumbled and Dave grinned, “Fuck you for not needing one.”

“Hey, graphic tees with horribly screenprinted store logos count as uniform.” Dave gestured to his ugly neon yellow shirt.

He was the one who chose neon yellow, there were other colours on offer but he knew Karkat would hate the brightest one the most.

“A uniform for douchebags.” Karkat’s eyebrows furrowed and he glared at his bag, “I’m going to forget something I swear to god.”

“I won't let you forget anything, christ, babe.” Dave slumped over and dragged himself towards him dramatically, “Has the Love Doctor sent you anything?”

“You're disgusting.” Karkat stuck his tongue out, more in a demonstration to his grossed out-ness.

He dug around in his bag for nearly the fourth time that morning and grabbed his phone, “He said something about finding somewhere more private to talk since we’d probably be talking about Dad and that's a heavy topic.”

Dave nodded and rubbed Karkat's shoulder, he was tensing the way he usually did when he was stressed.

“And he also said that he’d like to talk about why I left because apparently Karkat Vantas can't get a break from that ever.” He sighed and leaned against him, stuffing his phone into his pocket instead.

“Just say you had to go solo, and that Captor made an offer you just couldn't refuse.”

Karkat's face scrunched up.

Sollux was a good kid, he cared about Karkat, that much Dave knew. He also knew that even with how great he was, he still wasn't the kind of guy you’d want to live with. Ignoring the whole doom and gloom thing about him, he just genuinely didn't really know how to function in a way that wasn't vegetating in front of a computer.

“More like my sketchy local child services felt sorry for my soap opera of a life.”

Sollux Captor was a pair of legs with a head and arms. He was like if you took extreme paranoia and an inferiority complex and let that ferment until it eventually mutated into a state where one was both terrified and uncaring towards every single one of life's problems. If he knew how the world was going to end, he would say one stressed out thing about it and then go out for noodles.

“And then sent you off to your brand spanking new anxious china collection Mum?” Dave grinned.

Dave also knew a decent amount about Karkat's many legal guardians. They'd met each other's parents before, they were past that point from the start since Karkat had known Dirk from Roxy. He also knew that Karkat was kind of weirdly iffy around Dirk, it took Dave a few weeks to convince him to meet formally (over a sophisticated dinner of McDonald's and apple cider. Don’t let anyone tell you Dave wasn't a man of class). Dirk and Dave were chill, Gucci, quiche, cool as cucumbers as they say. Dirk was his brother from another mother, his bro, not his _Bro_. Dirk was fucking great. Karkat was still slightly protective over him though.

“And then crime scene mum, cougar Aunt and Nascar Dad, yeah.” Karkat heaved his bag over his shoulder, “Jesus, I’m going to be late.”

“Do you want me to drive you?” He didn't bother checking his bag, he had everything, he was chill.

Karkat thought, his face mushed through a few different emotions, “No I think I’ll be good.”

Dave raised a single, untrusting eyebrow “You sure? Are you just saying that so you can mope on the bus? Do you want me to leave you to wallowing in your own sadness? You're busy covering every single vaguely positive thought in the thick residue of a bad mood? You fine to bore a hole in the floor of the bus with pure, unadulterated angst?”

Karkat narrowed his eyebrows.

“You can come join the party bus if you really want to. Unless you're fine with staring down the pavement until it shuffles self consciously and scoots apart from itself out of respect, no living being could have a look as cold as you, it’s unfair.” Dave crossed his arms and leaned against the wall.

Karkat slumped over and mumbled a curt “Fine.”

He grinned and spun his keys around his finger, “Well we better haul ass otherwise there will be no ass left to haul.”

 

They descended the stairs, the stairs in question making worried creaking noises under the weight of two people. 

Karkat fiddled with his sleeves the whole way down, buttoning and unbuttoning them, never finding a way to get them to sit comfortably. Dave noticed, though that was just because the whole building was quiet and his bracelet was jingling and Karkat was mumbling to himself.

They reached his car and he opened the door for Karkat, like a proper gentleman, then he clambered his way in.

The music selection this time ranged from terrible comedy bands (“C’mon Babe you _know_ Flight of the Conchords are where it’s at.”), 2000’s pop (mostly Britney Spears, added by John and kept out of spite), Queen (the singles collection) and shitty-angry-techno-mall goth-edgy-fake rap bullshit (“Karkat you cannot tell me that you didn’t at least _think_ of listening to Mindless Self Indulgence when you were younger, you had the hair for it and everything).

Dave drummed his fingers against the steering wheel and he saw Karkat tap his heels, even when he scooted to try and hide it.

And after a few minutes of 2011 party hits, Karkat denying that he knew the words to Kesha’s Die Young (even though he was mouthing along) and an emotional sing along to Bohemian Rhapsody, Dave eventually pulled up outside of Karkat’s work.

Karkat sighed, long and hard and slouched over in his seat. He unclipped his seatbelt as sulkily as humanly possible and grabbed his bag, hoisting it over his shoulder in a way that looked way too uncomfortable and cumbersome to actually be achieving anything.

Dave rolled his eyes and grabbed Karkat by the collar, pulling him close. His eyes flew wide open and he grabbed the headrest behind Dave to steady himself.

“See ya babe.” he grinned, his grip not loosening.

“Yeah,” Karkat’s gaze darkened, “I’ll bring food.”

They stayed like that for a few seconds, glaring at each other. The moment was ruined when Karkat broke into a grin and started laughing, his hand moved from the headrest to cover his mouth.

“God we’re so fucking stupid” It was hard to decipher through his giggles.

He leaned forward and kissed Dave’s forehead, “But yeah, I’ll buy dinner.”

“What a doll.” Dave grinned, smooshing Karkat's face to the side so he could kiss his cheek.

Karkat rolled his eyes and fumbled for the door handle, kicking it out behind him and crawling out.

Dave waited until he was outside the cafe, they waved and Dave blew an overdramatic kiss.

He cranked his music when he pulled out of the carpark, beginning his long, arguably more boring drive to work. At least he had some of the sickest fires (he knew because he made some of them himself) thrumming in his eardrums.

Karkat thought it was weird that Dave listened to his own music, but that was just because he was nitpicky and couldn't read through anything he’d made without finding fifteen different problems with it and getting so frustrated he went red. Dave liked listening through unfinished tracks, he liked the flow of ideas that came with driving and he liked being able to just think.

He thought the whole way to work. He thought about Tetris (which he’d been playing for nearly five days), about the movie he was going to buy (cough pirate with Korean subtitles cough) to watch with Karkat on the weekend, about the photoshop torrent which was probably going to end up with his computer festering with viruses.

He thought about his favourite plants (those trees that are covered in maybe poisonous hair), his favourite animals (sure crows are great but maned wolf piss smells like weed), the shitty film he nearly broke his camera with (curse the name of Polaroid for keeping their recipes under locks) and about the cool deer ribcage he had to drive past last week. He would have picked it up if Karkat wasn't in the car.

He pulled up outside of the record store, he had to drive around for a bit to find a park because there was no way he was going to parallel park.

He sent Karkat a text about something or other before he clambered out.

Something buzzed on the seat beside him.

God fucking dammit. Karkat forgot his damn phone.

Dave sighed, long and hard, before picking it up and shoving into his jacket pocket. He was planning on passing by Karkat's work during the luncheon hours to say hi and see what shit was up on the chalkboard this Wednesday, he could give it back to him then.

He dragged himself out of the car, disobeying every single road rule that came to mind as he bolted across the road, very nearly missing a collision as the light across the road turned green.

He shouldered his way inside, blasted by both the cold ass ac and the terrible almost country someone had put on.

“Hey.” He waved over at Aradia. She said nothing but grinned at him from across an isle of Reggae cds.

“Dave!” Latula ran over to him, “Thank fuck you’re here dude, Tav just rolled over some important cord and crushed it. Completely obliterated it.”

“Ah.” Dave nodded, “I see.”

He hummed and nodded again, rubbing his chin, “Do you conquer?”

“I conquer that something's gonna get fried if we don't fix the shit.” She punched him in the shoulder, a motivational tactic she pulled often. Sure, it would be more motivational if she actually just jokingly hit, not boarded on radical physical violence but it worked.

She lead them to the back room, the one that smelled like mothballs and sometimes had muffins on the table. There was the computer they used for stock and the other they used for minesweeper and putting music over the loudspeaker.

Shit dude, yeah it was ‘some important chord.’ it was the fucker that made the whole thing work.

He...Didn’t really want to risk unplugging everything and having to deal with rebooting the whole fucking stock whatevers but the cord was stressing him out. He watched it in detestment, not really doing anything about it.

“Electrical tape.”

Dave jumped (almost actually jumping, the agile fucker) and turned, breathing out an embarrasing sigh.

Aradia’s grin faltered, one eyebrow quirking up only just. “Electrical tape.” She said again. 

“Electrical tape.” Dave repeated.

“Electrical tape.” Aradia was grinning and nodding again, “If you want to stop it from electrocuting anyone.”

“Right.” Dave nodded and turned back to the chord, crouching down next to it. Aradia followed suit, her giant boots clunking against the floor.

She passed him a roll and he took it wordlessly, assessing the damage and wrapping up the cord up like some kind of kinky cybergoth mummy. 

“Shit holdup.” He patted his pockets like an idiot, looking for something to cut the tape with. Aradia took it from his hands, leant over and tore it with her teeth. If Dave had time to react he’d probably think something like “Holy shit that’s fucking dangerous damaged electrical goods right next to literal face” but instead he just sat and stared.

She sat up on her haunches, “If that starts messing up again I’ll actually deal with it but I think we’ll be fine for now. Nothing's going to burn down anyway.”

“How convenient.” Dave said. He’d never actually like, say it to her face or anything but Aradia kinda creeped him out. Was it the ever constant over enthusiasm? Was it the fact that she knew just a _little_ too much about dead things (Not like Dave was any better but his interests stopped at archeology)? Was it the weird tangents she’d go on which more or less related back to said dead things?

“Exactly.” She stood up and made her way to the door, “I’ll be sorting out the CDs, some kid tried to spell dickstick with the letters but only managed to find half of them.”

Dave nodded and watched her leave, laughing about something or other. 

He nodded again, though in the general direction of the wire. He got up and finally walked out of the mothball room (after putting better music on) and went to go do something more interesting. Like chilling at the counter or making coffee for people.

He shoved his hands into his pockets, freezing when he felt Karkat’s phone vibrate. He failed horribly at swallowing his curiosity and turned his phone on, peering at the message.

There was a number that neither of them knew (it wasn’t a spam number though, Dave noted), only half of the text was actually visible and since he was _not_ about to break into his phone to state his curiosity he just went off of that.

6efore y9u ask, Kanaya gave me y9ur n9m6er. I pr9mise I didn’t 6reak any law. It’s Kankri 6y the way, I th9ught this w9uld 6e easier than- 

Oh okay.

Dave probably would have felt better if it was like, a free offer for a fridge or something. He stared at the number and bit his lip, thinking.

He could save it to his phone (his phone, not Karkat's. Shit that was going to get confusing) and actually like, talk to him?

Was that an option here?

Dave was entirely certain that he needed second opinion.

He was also entirely certain he knew the exact person to ask.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  gallowsCalibrator [GC]

TG: yo yo rezi   
GC: D4V3!! GOD H4V3 YOU H4D 3NOUGH D1S4PP34R1NG ON M3?   
GC: WOW ON3 COULD 4LMOST G3T TH3 1MPR3SS1ON TH4T YOU DONT C4R3 4BOUT M3 HOW COULD YOU?   
TG: christ how do screenreaders even handle the way you type?   
TG: do you even proofread or do you just mash your whole ass face on your keyboard and call it a day?   
GC: W3 L1V3 1N 4 L4WL3SS L4ND   
GC: WH1CH M34NS L3G4LLY SP34K1NG YOU H4V3 NO R1GHT TO MOCK M3 FOR MY FUN 4ND 3CL3CT1C TYP1NG STYL3   
GC: H4V3 FUN ROTT1NG 1N J41L B1TCH   
TG: you know in ye olde english it was spelled gaol   
GC: 3W   
TG: my question still stands though   
GC: 1T DO3SNT   
GC: 1M BR34K1NG MY COMPUT3R FROM TH3 1NS1D3 OUT   
TG: right   
TG: also hey kinda out of the blue question here but has karkat ever told you about his family at all?   
CG: NO H3 W4S 4LW4YS SO W31RDLY C4G3Y 4BOUT 1T   
CG: L1K3 SUR3 OF COURS3 W3 C4N BOTH T4LK 4BOUT OUR W31RD CH1LDHOODS 4ND SUBS3QU3NT D33P ROOT3D 3MOT1ON4L PROBL3MS TH4T C4RRY 1NTO 4DULTHOOD BUT 4LSO MY W31RD CH1LDHOOD 1S OUT OF QU3ST1ON   
CG: FOR TH3 MOST P4RT 4NYW4Y   
TG: for the most part?   
CG: 1 KNOW H1S D4D W4S B3ST FR13NDS W1TH SOLLUXS D4D BUT TH4TS 4BOUT 1T  
TG: huh okay you learn something new every day   
CG: Y3S H3LLO W3LCOM3 TO T3R3Z1S L34RN1NG CORN3R   
CG: PL34S3 W3LCOM3 TO TH3 ST4G3 D4V3 -MY BOYFR13ND 1S W3R1DLY S3CR3T1V3 4BOUT H1S 3NT1R3 FUCK1NG L1F3- STR1D3R   
TG: the girls are swooning   
CG: D4MN STR41GHT   
TG: its fuckin the price is right up in this bitch   
TG: except im the beautiful object about to be pawned of the correctest bidder   
TG: all the ladies are flocking to the studios begging to be on this weekends episode   
TG: families are crowded around those old ass box tvs that are totally radiating their brains right now just to get a glimpse at this sweet succulent delight   
CG: J3SUS CHR1ST TH4T 1S BOTH TH3 WRONG SHOW 4ND TH3 WORST D3SCR1PT1ON OF 4NYON3 1V3 3V3R H34RD   
CG: YOUR3 4S FL4T 4S 4 P4NC4K3 D4V3   
TG: you obviously havent seen me since my celebrity debut on botched   
CG: Y34H OBV1OUSLY YOU C4NT F1X TH4T FL4TT4G3 D4V3 TH3R3 1S NO HOP3 FOR YOU   
TG: jesus shit let me steer this conversation away from this blatant bullying and direct it towards what might just be a straight up breach of privacy   
CG: 1M 1NT3R3ST3D   
TG: right so is that all you know about karkats dad? because kankri said that the whole thing is complicated and gross and i want to be able to help but you damn well know that emotional baggage is in no way my fourte   
CG: WOW SH1T K4NKR1S ST1LL 4 TH1NG   
CG: 1 D1DNT TH1NK H3 WOULD M4K3 1T P4ST F1FT33N W1TH WH4T K4RK4T TOLD M3   
TG: jesus fuck youre morbid   
TG: but god rude i was never told about him   
CG: H3H3H3H3   
CG: H3 DO3SNT R34LLY L1K3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT 1T   
CG: H3 W4S R41S3D 4S SOM3 K1ND OF C4THOL1C/CHR1ST14N/WH4T3V3R TH3 FUCK BUT TH4TS 4LL 1 R34LLY KNOW   
TG: and now hes dating a dude   
TG: tez what do i do am i the kid every christian mom warns you about?   
TG: did i turn him gay terezi? is that who i am now?   
CG: D4V3 1M SORRY BUT YOU H4V3 TO H4ND YOURS3LF 1N   
CG: LOOK WH4T YOUV3 DON3 TO POOR 1NNOC3NT K4RK4T   
TG: dear jesus forgive me   
CG: H3H3H3H3H3H3   
TG: okay cool im going to steer this conversation again   
CG: BUT 1T W4S JUST G3TT1NG GOOD   
TG: i know how tragic   
TG: so i have kankris number now   
CG: OH N3V3RM1ND 1 L1K3 WH3R3 TH1S 1S GO1NG   
TG: and i was thinking   
CG: D1D 1T HURT?   
TG: shut the fuck up im trying to create suspense here   
CG: OK4Y OK4Y GO ON   
TG: would it be against moral rights to steal kankles number and message him without karkat knowing?   
TG: like id tell him obviously but still   
CG: YOU KNOW 1M GO1NG TO S4Y NO JUST B3C4US3 1 W4NT TO S33 HOW TH1S PL4YS OUT R1GHT?   
TG: yeah   
CG: 4ND YOU KNOW TH4T 1 KNOW TH4T YOU 4R3 TOO   
TG: damn even with your shitass vision youre still hitting the nail exactly on its finite little head   
CG: RUD3 BUT 1LL L3T 1T SL1D3   
TG: jesus youre going to pull the mindgame shit on me again why am i even bothering asking you?   
CG: YOU T3LL M3   
TG: god fucking   
TG: because i want to at least look like i was attempting to be a decent and not privacy invading person in retrospect?   
CG: D1NG D1NG D1NG   
CG: NOW GO ST4LK YOUR BOYFR13NDS T3RR1BL3 BROTH3R   
TG: aight bye leaving   


turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering  gallowsCalibrator [GC]  
TG: oh and for the record its not stalking dont worry your weirdass fucking tits over it nothing illegal is happening here   


gallowsCalibrator [TG] began pestering  turntechGodhead [GC]

CG: TH4TS WH4T P3OPL3 S4Y 4BOUT SH1T L1K3 C4NN1B4L1SM TO M4K3 TH3MS3LV3S F33L B3TT3R   
TG: the actual fuck is wrong with you?   
CG: H3H3H3H3 1LL L3T YOU POND3R OV3R TH4T ON3   
CG: BY3 D4V3Y   
TG: sweet jesus   
CG: H3H3H3H3H3H3   


gallowsCalibrator [TG] ceased pestering  turntechGodhead [GC]

Dave stared down at his phone, while that conversation was fun and all it didn't actually do much to dull his desperate need to find out more about whoever the fuck this Kankri guy was. He’d heard only one personal accounts from a person who had met him personally and Terezi would be proud of him for noting that both of the sources of the information he was going off of belonged to  
A: Someone who lived with him  
and  
B: Someone who had never even seen him and was relying on information passed from person A.

He sighed, punching in Kankri’s number (Saving him as Morally Dubious) and sending him a message.

hey so you probably don’t know me like logically speaking but hi its dave im karkats kickass boyfriend for context i may or may not have stolen your number out of his phone which he left in my car yeah im still weighing up the consequences for that one haha okay so yeah im going to go now before i start like monologuing or something oh woops already did that apparently wow my credit is going to love me

He shoved both phones into his jacket pockets (he would have felt momentarily like he was on mtv cribs if it weren’t for the fact that his brain was caught up on the fact that his first impression was that of a bumbling fucking idiot) and went to go find whatever work needed to be done to busy himself.

Not a lot really needed to be done aside from the occasional organising (mostly done by Aradia) and collecting cds from the back for customers who didn’t know how to _look_.

Latula took pity on his boredom at some point and handed him a stack of pre-owned dvds to sort through, he dragged it over to the middle of some claustrophobic isle and sat cross legged on the floor, getting in the way of exactly one customer and nearly getting mowed down by Tavros.

He was halfway through building a geometrical replica of the foxy Lady Liberty herself when he was interrupted by his phone vibrating.

He was sort of disappointed when he found that it wasn’t Kankri replying. Then he felt dumb and stupid because he quickly realised that Oh Shit It’s The Lunch Alarm.

He got up, scooting the movies under the shelf to avoid casualties. He waved as he ran out the door, digging through his pockets to get his car keys.

His annoying as fuck curiosity was finally stated when at a traffic light he looked down to find that Kankri had responded to him. He fought the urge to pull over and see what shit he’d be spurting the entire drive there.

 

Dave pushed open the cafe door with his shoulder, being met with a chalkboard covered in various scribble and the scent of something possibly burning.

“Hey.” He waved at Nepeta who looked up at him from whatever she was drawing on the counter and waved back.

“Oh hi Dave! D’you want me to grab Kitkat?” She leant all the way over the counter, Dave could see one heel waving around behind her so he was pretty sure she was just dangling halfway in the air, “He’s getting annoyed at the donut delivery guys.”

Dave knew about the long standing rivalry between their little local coffee shop and the donut delivery guys. They hated each for no reason other than the two owners knew each other in high school.

He shrugged and Nepeta jumped back and disappeared behind the staff only door with another wave.

He looked over at the maybe couple sitting at a table beside him, way too engrossed with whatever was happening on their laptop to notice anything else going on.

He dragged his attention to the chalkboard, in big bold pink across the menu it said

suck it di stri! its the CHICKEN that came first! NOT THE EGG!!

Followed by

:33 chicago is named after garlic

And then

APPARENTLY YOU CAN USE A PICKLE TO ERASE WRITING. PLEASE DON’T ATTEMPT IT IF ONLY TO SAVE YOUR PICKLE.

“And god fuck first Roxy burns her cheese toastie and now this-” Karkat followed behind Nepeta when she emerged, his eyebrows were knitted together and he was hunched over, “God how do you even burn a cheese toastie that bad? How far do you have to take that fuck up?”

Right so that explained the smell.

“Hey babe.” Dave grinned, pushing his shades up his forehead. He leaned against the counter, head resting on one of his hands like an old hollywood starlet.

Karkat looked up at him and gave him a him an exhausted smile, “Hey.”

“The usual please, if I may?” Dave ignored Karkat’s eyeroll and Nepeta squishing her cheeks in approval.

He handed him his money and watched from his shitty angle as Karkat paced around, pressing an assortment of buttons on the coffee machine Dave had no idea how worked.

He pulled both of their phones out of his pockets, handing Karkat’s to him as he passed by again, “You left that in the car. Kankri texted you by the way, I may or may not have saved his number onto my phone and I may or may not be in the process of romancing him.”

Karkat pulled a brand new face Dave hadn’t seen before, he translated it roughly into shock, disgust and utter exasperation.

“I apologize in advance.” He said finally, “Whatever did I do to warrant that being what spices up the relationship?”

“Maybe I just like dickheads in high waisted jeans?” Dave quirked up an eyebrow, taking his coffee when Karkat handed it to him but not moving, “You know my face not my story babe.”

“Jesus fucking-” Karkat rubbed the bridge of his nose, “Did you actually text him though?”

Dave nodded and opened his messages.

Yes Karkat menti9ned y9u. In future I w9uld much prefer it if y9u asked bef9re g9ing thr9ugh 9ther pe9ple’s pr9perty, especially c9nsidering y9u and Karkat’s relati9nship and h9w that c9uld be taken easily as an 9ffensive 9r threatening gesture.

“Oh shit I understand what the warnings were for.” Dave turned his phone to Karkat so he could read what he’d said, ignoring how the last few words left his skin crawling.

“Yeah he’s insufferable.” Karkat sighed, “Be careful with your wording babe.”

He sat up from the front of the counter and leaned against the edge, where it ended and left space for people to walk through.

He pulled a face and typed something, deleted half of it and tried again. He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Shit sorry. For the record I’m fine with it.” Karkat gave him a caring smile, one with actual effort put in.

Dave nodded again, leaning against Karkat to say that he was fine with the sudden contact (just a little warning first jeeze way to give a guy a heart attack). He tried typing something else again.

karkat was fine with it you dont have to worry about that its not really something were that bothered about.

Right. Was there any reas9n at all as t9 why y9u decided t9 message me during school h9urs?” 

“Wow shit your brother’s fucking lame.” He said, tilting his head back against Karkat’s arm, “He still goes to school after being done with school.”

i mean ive never actually met or talked to you before and i just thought it would be fair since karkats already met all of my family

“Yeah he’s trying to get a degree in some social science or psychology or something.” Karkat grumbled, looking over his shoulder when another person walked in, “Hey Sollux.”

Sollux took only one headphone out, looking up at him with the most tired eyes Dave had ever seen, “Please I’m begging you I need something with enough caffeine to make me vibrate.”

“Your funeral.” Karkat stood up and separated from Dave, he let himself wallow in only a second of disappointment and went back to his phone, ignoring whatever coding program they were talking shit about and biting back the urge to get Sollux to try Scratch.

In a stunning r9le reversal is it me wh9 must seek y9ur apr9val? I’m n9t exactly sure h9w 9ne w9uld say n9, given that I’m actually 6l99d related.

Dave pulled another face, Sollux said something about building a shitty robot that could slap you, just to see how far he could push those robotics laws.

im just saying a friendly hello to a fellow vantas theres no deeper more sinister undertones here i promise

Well in that case I feel as if I am n9w m9rally 96ligated t9 6e the stere9typical 9lder 6r9ther and say that if y9u hurt Karkat in any way I am g9ing t9 kill y9u.

Dave stared, wanting to tug Karkat over and get him to read this, so they could both descend into migraine hell together.

He heard Karkat laughing and shoving Sollux out the door and decided against it.

well shit same to you I guess

He watched the little dots on Kankri's behalf until he couldn't anymore and shoved his phone back into his pocket and turned his attention back to Karkat who was in the process of cleaning something.

“Since KK's obviously used up all his precious hospitality, what are you doing Dave? How's it hanging?” Sollux leaned over his shoulder, he could smell the Doritos.

“Texting Karkat’s brother.” Dave didn't take his phone out of his pocket, “You know how people talk about first impressions and shit? Like fuck, I don’t believe in that bullshit and you all know it but I am positively sure that I hate Kankri. I fucking hate him so much oh my god.”

“Oh yeah,” Sollux nodded solemnly, not sounding at all solemn, “He's a dick.”

God fucking- “How is it that everyone knows about Kankri except me?”

“Oh my god.” Karkat leant back over the counter, “We're not talking about my tragic backstory right here in the middle of the fucking cafe. I have many boundaries and this is indeed one of them.”

“Yeah but you’ll talk about how swoony you are over ‘shitstain A’ here.” He gestured towards Dave, which Dave didn’t actually see on account of him being behind him, but he could feel the half hearted whack, “You have screwed ass boundaries KK.”

Aww, he talked about him? Instead of saying something about how cute that was Dave said “You’ve shoved your toe in my ear before babe, you have zero boundaries.” 

You know what actually? Cute feeling gone.

He swiveled so he was leaning over the counter with his ass out like he was competing for the centerfold.

Karkat was fuming, Sollux grinned, “Jesus christ can I work? Will you let me get back to work or will I have to sit here and deal with this? Is this a punishment?”

“Kinky.” Sollux would have said if it weren’t for the hand suddenly in his face. Karkat had shut him up via squishing his entire hand against his cheek, forehead and nose.

“What do you want for dinner?” Karkat asked, ignoring Sollux punching his wrist.

“Dude you know I’m down for anything when it’s you cooking.” Dave also ignored Sollux’s angry cursing and clawing, “What do you feel like?”

Karkat shrugged “I could make nachos.”

He opened his mouth to say something else but instead what came out was a shriek when Sollux licked his palm. He yanked his hand back and stared at him with the most genuine betrayal Dave had ever witnessed on him.

“What the fuck?” He asked, quietly and confused, “What the fuck?”

Sollux grinned wide, “Bitch.”

“Dude.” Dave said, “And you were accusing Karkat of being kinky.”

And then Sollux’s face fell, “Oh fuck you, you’re not turning that shit around on me.”

“How about you turn your shit around and actually _get out?_ ” Karkat rubbed his temples.

Dave nodded, “There’s like, rules and shit.”

Sollux stuck his tongue out at both of them, “You’re overstaying your welcome too dickhead.”

Dave’s phone vibrated, he ignored it “Yeah but I have special permits.”

“Oh yeah I forgot you’re so incredibly gay.” Sollux rolled his eyes, “So fucking gay.”

“Yeah I can’t go a day without my glittery creamy unicorn lattes, my delicate life will be ruined without my scones and cream fix, dude.” Dave planted his feet even harder on the floor to make his point.

Behind him he heard Karkat mumble something about how they didn’t sell any of those things there. Sollux opened the door melodramatically.

“God I’ll leave you too to suck face on the job.” He went to go leave before hesitating and turning back to Dave, “But seriously if Kankri gives you any more trouble I can deal with him.”

Dave shot him a thumbs up and they watched him hunch over and grumble his way down the street through the frosted glass.

“You probably should get going.” Karkat said, sounding as disappointed as Dave felt, “You can’t risk pissing off whatever hipster you see walking through your doors.”

“Dude they already have Tav, let them be disappointed.” Dave didn't move.

“You can't blame him, the place is only barely wheelchair friendly. They managed to swindle the authorities out of testing the fucking building by saying shit like “Oh we have ramps, we're fine.” Karkat slid the cup of coffee Dave had forgotten about across the counter.

“He plays the banjo.” He said desperately, “his music taste borders on country.”

Karkat raised an eyebrow.

“Okay fine my music might not be any better but I don't subject the whole fuckin workplace to it.”

The eyebrow climbed higher.

“That was once, babe. I swear if I have to listen to one more man-bunned-beard-having-man child talking my ear off about how no girls will ever go with him to whatever probably illegal bar to go see some greasy forty year old dude who’s never felt love whine about the fairy girl who dumped him over the top of three chords played over and over again and call it music, I’m going to put my head through a wall.”

Karkat nodded solemnly, “He has a mohawk, what went wrong?”

Dave shrugged, watching as Roxy scuttled through the staff only door. He waved, she waved back with the hand currently not full of bags of coffee grounds.

“Hey Katz.” She said, he could hear the z, “We need your help with the shit in the fridge.”

Karkat rolled his eyes, “Who’ll be out here?”

“I can deal with this.” Roxy dumped the coffee grounds on the counter and cemented herself right in front of the till, probably not moving until Karkat either left or she was forcibly shoved out of the way “You go say goodbye to your loving boyfriend and let him get back to work.”

“Nah, I’m AWOL.” Dave took a long sip from his coffee, “I’ve decided to camp out under the bench here until the authorities come looking for me. By that time I’ll have grown sexy rugged man stubble and my biceps will be bulging through my very shirt sleeves. I’m going to scoop my dear Karkat here up into my thick, beefy arms and run off into the night, my pure muscle will be enough to shelter us from the bullets.”

“Young man.” Roxy said, hands on her hips.

God you call someone Mum _once_.

“Old lady.” Dave said, gaze cold under his shades.

“Decrepit corpse.” Roxy’s eyes narrowed.

“Jesus fucking christ.” Karkat said, “Dave, come here.”

Dave went there, totally not flipping Roxy off as Karkat pulled him in for the second goodbye kiss of the day.

“Go back to work.” He gave him a halfhearted shove to the shoulder.

 

Back at work was boring as fuck. It was so much better bothering Karkat and drinking coffee and shit.

He had finished building with the dvds, this time turning them into a card tower spanning nearly the height of the shelves. It was beautiful for the few minutes it stood, before Aradia sat down next to him and they knocked it over and watched it crash to the floor.

“You know the big boss is going to get annoyed if this isn’t actually finished.” She said, picking up one which may or may not have just been softcore porn.

“Yeah.” Dave shrugged, stacking a few on top of each other, splaying them out like he’d seen people do while playing poker, “I’m just bored.”

Aradia looked thoughtful, pressing her cheek into her hand, “I could do this if you wanted to do something more interesting? Teach a small child the definition of reverb and premature ejaculation.”

Dave pulled a face, “Fucking ew. I’m not doing that with a kid.”

“No no, I just meant you jerk it to anything synthesiser or electronics related.” She shrugged, “But I’m serious about the teaching thing, you know enough about music to make it work.”

He never actually ended up teaching anyone anything, save for the one woman who needed to know the difference between regular punk and ska punk (Okay so just slap some horns and weird excitement into that shit and play that over the same three drum beats and voilà).

Instead he waddled around the store for the rest of the day, getting antsy as soon as the minutes started ticking. 

By the time it was about two minutes until he had to leave he was already standing in front of the door, tapping his feet and messing with his keys in his pocket.

“God, Dave.” Latula leant on the desk, “A little bit of patience goes a long way, don't you know?”

“Sorry but I'm all out of patience.” Dave tapped his foot a little angrier, just to prove his point, “Used it all up approximately an hour ago trying to deal with all those fucking DVDs. How is it possible that so many plastic rectangles can fit inside one small bag? I feel like I’ve been lied to, swindled, I have been on the receiving end of a sad practical joke.”

“Aradia did say she could do it for you.” Latula shrugged, “You brought that on yourself, dude.”

“She was already doing shit.” Dave wasn't outwardly whining, but the implications were there.

“You're so caring.” She fanned herself with her hand dramatically.

“Such a gentleman.” Dave agreed, “Not letting such a kind and generous gal put even more on her plate. Healthy portions are important, you're aware of the food triangle I hope?”

“Isn't it a pyramid?” Latula stopped fanning herself, instead pushing up her glasses and crossing her arms.

“A pyramid suggests that there are three other sides, who knows what pre-evolutionary wriggly bullshit we could be eating if we followed that. I'm sorry little Johnny but I just can't let you have any litteral mud if you don't finish your oversized worm. Look, I even seasoned it with some twigs and rocks and shit, we're basically eating prehistoric gourmet. Someone call in cave Gordon Ramsay, I think I’ve made a breakthrough in the culinary arts.” 

“Yeah but Gordon Ramsay would yell at you for like, cooking it and shit. Nothing better than raw worm.” She shrugged, “Also you're free to go by the way.”

“Oh shit, really?” Dave tugged his phone out of his pocket and checked the time.

Hot dog!

“Well bye.” He announced, Tavros waved from under the pile of markers on his lap, Aradia was somewhere but he heard her say bye.

He shoved the door open and nearly fucking bolted towards his car, fuck yeah he was going to have nachos for dinner!

The only problem was he was going to have to wait for Karkat to finish his shift and then get home but still!

He climbed in, turning his b-grade 90’s hip hop up all the way. He ignored whatever Kankri had said to him and instead messaged Karkat.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TG: do you need me to get anything from the store on the way home?   
CG: NO I’M FINE, JUST TELL ME IF WE HAVE ANY CHEESE.   
TG: youre enabling me?   
CG: JUST THIS ONCE.   
TG: hell fucking yes   
TG: aight see you later   
CG: BYE.   
CG: DON’T TEXT AND DRIVE AND DIE ON THE ROAD.   
TG: dont tempt me   


turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

Dave pulled out of the parking lot, thankfully missing the lady behind him who had a dog sitting shotgun.

He drummed along on the steering wheel, locking eyes with a fellow group of rad teens probably on their way to getting high. They had a singalong to Salt n Pepa's hit single Push It for the few seconds they were next to each other. The leader of said group looked like he wanted to attempt a street race, but Dave's car was old and shitty and something was rattling in the engine and, ironically, he didn't really want to 'Push It.’ 

There was a park somewhere in the side of the apartment residential parking whatevers that only Dave's and some cat lady’s car could fit in, they had weekly feuds over it which usually ended up with angry crocheted tea doilies under the door that he had no idea how to explain to Karkat.

The park was free today, no need to worry about his shit being stolen now.

He very narrowly missed whacking the door into the wall on his way out, he said an almost completely serious sorry to his car before marching through the entire car park and up the stairs to their apartment

He fucked around with the door for a bit (the door handle was coming off just a little on the inside and the landlord hadn't done anything about it yet) and didn't even bother taking his bag off before he was on the couch.

Oh right. Cheese.

Dave groaned, sat up and dragged himself to the fridge.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TG: we have cheese of the tasty variety   
CG: OKAY COOL I’LL PICK SOME MORE UP ON THE WAY HOME.   
TG: fucking sweet my stomach is going to have a field day love you babe   
CG: GOD THIS IS SELF SACRIFICE AT ITS FINEST YOU BETTER BE THANKFUL   
TG: i am i am no need to worry about that   
CG: I NEED TO WORRY ABOUT YOUR FUCKING INTESTINAL CRAMPS.   
TG: aww you do care   
CG: COUNT THOSE LUCKY STARS OF YOURS.   
TG: youre setting up the perfect 69 joke you realise this right?   
CG: GET IT OVER WITH QUICKLY I BEG OF YOU.   
TG: nah   
CG: GODDAMMIT.   
CG: I'M LEAVING GOODBYE HAVE FUN JERKING IT OR WHATEVER BYE.   
TG: see ya babe   
CG: YOU'RE INSUFFERABLE. 

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

Dave collapsed back onto the couch, sending Karkat more pictures from Beetlejuice as premature revenge (“Jokes on you, prick I actually had a crush on Winona.”) and contemplating what to do to pass the time.

There was sleep, his muscles certainly felt tired enough for that but his brain wasn't going to let him. He was too busy thinking.

He wasn't thinking about much, there was stuff about Dirk (he was currently trying to build a robot who's express purpose wasn't to inevitably be destroyed) and stuff about Rose (which then went to stuff about Kanaya and how that many A’s in a name shouldn't be legal). He thought about things like garlic bread and Karkat and Karkat cooking (because Dave couldn't, like at all) and Karkat's dumb brother and the fact that Karkat's dumb brother had been _texting him_.

Shit he’d been ignoring him.

And he was probably going to continue ignoring him because honestly he wasn’t up to dealing with that now. Sitting on the receiving end of his vocablulistic endeavours was way different to just reading through shit he’d said or getting shit retold from Karkat.

He pulled another face at his phone and decided to leave it.

Instead he stood up and decided to dick around on his totally not pirated music software.

He opened the one he intelligently titled “Bubumkin” and went to town.

...Half an hour and four bass presets later and he was still no further into progress. He glared at the layers of midi and stood up, walking around in a circle to try and clear his brain and get some fucking ideas.

Instead he was distracted by the sound of the elevator and heavy footsteps towards the door.

Heavy stomping meant Karkat.

Karkat meant cheesy ass domestic goodness.

Karkat also meant nachos!

He heard the door rattle and swing open to reveal a disheveled Karkat carrying a bag of groceries (not like they needed any but whatever).

“Hey babe.” Dave grinned.

“Hey.” Karkat smiled back, “I fucking caved and bought one of those premade oven brownies you keep bugging me about.”

Dave’s grin widened, “I love you.”

Karkat rolled his eyes, “Love you too. Come help me with this shit I’m hungry.”

He dumped the bag on the bench in the kitchen, Dave leaning against it holding a tomato while Karkat pored a bunch of mystery oil (technically not a mystery for Karkat but Dave liked the drama) into a pan.

“Guide me along these steps dear culinary connoisseur. Hold my hand delicately and whisper to me the arts of tex mex so softly it nearly dissolves in the sweet summer breeze. Take me on this delicious journey, send us to Flavour Town.”

Karkat looked like he would have run his hand along his face if it weren’t for the fact that he was busy making the mince edible, instead he groaned and threw his head back, “Please never say that again I beg of you.”

“I’ve already forgotten half of it, don't worry.” Dave winked and Karkat sighed, “Is there anything I can help with though? Don’t want to leave you doing everything by yourself.”

Karkat shrugged and gestured towards the cupboard, “Put some chips on some plates.”

“You didn't say the magic words, but I’ll let it slide this time.” Dave dug around and held up the doritos to Karkat, he nodded and Dave dumped a bunch onto a pair of plates, scooting them around because presentation is key.

He watched as Karkat added a collection of spices (most of which Dave couldn’t name but he knew the one that made everything taste like taco mince) and stir cheese through (hell fucking yes).

He shuffled out of his way as Karkat scooped everything on top of the perfectly plated chips.

Dave finished his off by sprinkling more cheese on top, ending with a flourish like in those shitty cooking shows he totally didn’t watch.

Karkat patted his shoulder like the shithead he was and they both sat on the couch, Karkat leaning against his side and Dave chewing as loud as possible into his ear.

“They have a rerun of Antiques Roadshow.” he said through a mouthful of food, “We could totally watch Antiques Roadshow.”

“We are not watching Antique Roadshow.” Karkat shoved Dave’s head away, rubbing his ear against his shoulder grumpily, “God I think your gross ass crumbs lodged themselves into my brain.”

 

They did end up watching Antiques Roadshow.

Their plates ended up stacked on the coffee table, Karkat sprawled across Dave’s chest and Dave way too engrossed in a description about an ugly painting of a cat to do anything until Karkat stretched and his heart melted.

He tangled his free hand (the one not sitting idly against Karkat’s shoulder) into his hair and Karkat hummed, yawning and leaning into him.

“God we need to clean those.” He mumbled, gesturing to the plates with a loose and not all the specific arm wave.

“Or, counterpoint, we could go to sleep.” Dave suggested, pulling him closer.

Karkat nodded and didn’t move for a moment or two, Dave was pretty sure he’d actually drifted off until he jolted, rubbing his face and blinking heavily “We have a bed. A perfectly functioning bed.”

He didn’t move.

“I mean I could carry you.” Dave said, wiggling just a little to keep him awake enough to reply.

“No the fuck you can’t.” Karkat either glared at him or his eyes were drooping, Dave couldn’t tell, “Gimme a second, I’ll get my legs working again.”

Dave waited for a second of Karkat wiggling his toes, then another second of him using his chest to heave himself up.

Karkat wobbled a little when he stood up, running a tired hand through his hair and using the other to help Dave up.

They stood doing nothing for a few seconds, Karkat eventually slumping forward to rest his forehead against Dave’s shoulder while he fumbled to turn the TV off.

“C’mon babe.” Dave wiggled again and Karkat groaned, “Perfectly functioning bed remember?”

He made a sort of “hmphgh” noise and straightened groggily.

It took them a few more seconds to actually get to the bedroom, more to get into bed because Karkat couldn’t seem to figure out how to get his jeans undone and Dave tripped over something on his way to lying down.

Though they made it eventually, Dave spread out starfish style with Karkat’s head on his chest.

He hummed and closed his eyes, not quite drifting off, calmed by the sounds of Karkat’s steady breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not too fond of the ending for this  
> hopefully the massively chill chapter I have planned next will make up for it?


	4. The Complete and Entire History of Weird Nerd Cults

Ah, I see.

I take it y9u see me as a danger t9wards Karkat. Is this c9rrect?

W9uld there 6e any reas9n 6ehind this? I w9n’t take any 9ffence t9 anything y9u say, I’m just genuinely curi9us.

It appears either y9u are 6usy or ign9ring me. N9 matter, I have a lecture t9 attend anyway.

6ye Dave, th9ugh this talk was very uneventful I must say I am quite f9nd 9f c9nversations with 6rick walls.

Karkat read through the messages once, then again. He pulled a face and Dave said “Yeah.” and took his phone back.

“God, you left him for what, a few hours?” He raised an eyebrow.

Dave shrugged, “More probably.”

Karkat bit his lip, his eyebrows furrowing, “How needy can one person get?”

He shrugged again, “Needy enough to start running to his estranged brother’s boyfriend for friendship. Do you think he has friends? Does he treat the people around him like this? Is this a ‘Treat People How You Want To Be Treated’ kind of deal?”

“God I hope not.” Karkat pulled his apron off from around his neck, looping it over one arm as he wiped down the coffee machine, “This really isn't helping my theory that this is an unaddressed kink thing.”

Dave grimaced, “Ew.”

Karkat agreed. He yelled a quick bye to everyone, he got a few in return (one of which was from Meenah who had decided to start hanging around again if only for the social interaction).

Dave linked their hands together on the way out, Karkat slumping against his shoulder.

He had promised to come to John's house, Dave had taken to going at least once a week since he apparently was yet to get over the novelty of his best friend living in the same area finally.

Karkat might have been jealous of it weren't for the fact that Egbert was so painfully straight and he and Dave both already had and got over their weird preteen crushes on him.

He said “Ugh.” and collapsed against the window when they got in the car, Dave sent him a look of sympathy and turned his music down, letting him actually calm down instead of having his entire brain be filled with whatever his obsession of the day was.

He watched the scenery around them change, the further they got away from the city the more green he could see. It was nice really, until it was broken up by another building. He smooshed his cheek against the glass, eyes closing every now and then (much to his annoyance).

He found John’s living situation weird. Why move back in with your parents (Correction: Parent. Singular.) after finally getting the freedom to move out? After voicing these concerns to Dave a while ago he was met with a chuckle (forced and uncomfortable, he’d been around him long enough to tell) and a shrug. Sometime later when Karkat had nearly forgotten about it Dave had grabbed his shoulders and with a face almost resembling pleading said, “He’s just...Not doing too hot okay?”

The kicker to the whole ordeal was that John only said something like “Haha, moving back in with my dad for a bit stay tuned to see if my room is still the same.” and nobody fucking knew there was a problem.

It pissed him off more than anything, but he knew that he was no stranger to hiding shit either. Dave didn’t even know about the blood thing until he had to sit him down and have an awkward conversation about how hickies were a no go.

He must have drifted off at some point because he was suddenly aware of an elbow in his ribs.

“Babe.” Dave said, “We have reached our destination. Thank you for flying with Strider airlines we hope you’ve had an enjoyable trip.”

Another jab.

Karkat groaned and unfurrowed his eyebrows (he’d obviously dreamed about something angry) and sat up, his neck screaming at him.

“Fucking ow.” He grumbled, popping his neck and enjoying the one second of Dave looking freaked out.

“Ah, he awakens. I didn’t even have to kiss you creepily or anything.” Dave grinned.

“Given the fact that I was only asleep for about five minutes at best I doubt you could call me sleeping beauty.” His eyebrows narrowed and Dave shrugged.

“You haven’t seen the Disney one. She was only asleep for like, an hour.”

“You’ve watched Disney’s Sleeping Beauty?”

Dave nodded, looking almost proud of himself “Watched everything but The Lion King, cried heavy, manly tears when I got that cinematic masterpiece spoiled for me.”

And with that Karkat climbed out, slammed the car door and marched up to the front door of the building, almost breaking the button to buzz John.

He heard a crackly “Hello?” and wasted absolutely zero time, screaming out an angry “Dave’s never fucking seen The Lion King.”

 

John was fucking _ecstatic_ about managing to get the apartment with his fucking birthday on the door, Karkat only remembered which one it was because John’s excited “It’s 413!” was cemented into the back of his brain (and replayed every single time he saw those god awful numbers).

He knocked on his stupid fucking door and glared when he opened it just a crack and said, with a grin so wide Karkat was surprised his whole face didn’t break “I didn’t order any pizza, sorry.”

“But do you have a moment to talk about our lord and saviour?” Dave asked from behind him.

“Only if I can tell you about the flying spaghetti monster.” the door opened a fraction more to reveal John’s nose.

God no, anything but that.

“Sorry no can do, this is a Jesus loving household.” Karkat fumed silently when Dave rested his hand on his shoulder, “We can’t let you in until you let God in.”

“You’re the ones _outside_ dumbass.” John was giggling. Fucking giggling.

“Yeah and we really should be inside lest we are left freeze outside your door.” Karkat very nearly shrugged Dave’s hand off. Nearly.

“The ac isn’t that bad, jesus Dave.” John rolled his one visible eye, “You’re just internally wired to Houston, Texas.”

“Dude I live, breathe, worship and embody Houston, Texas.” Dave was grinning, Karkat could fucking tell.

“Houston, Texas.” John said.

No.

No he fucking knew where this going. He was not going to sit through another ten goddamn minutes of Dave and John fucking repeating city names to each other as a form of entertainment.

“Dallas, Texas.” Dave got himself nice and fucking comfortable.

“Shut the fuck up.” Karkat nearly punched Dave’s smug face, “John let us in or I will gently pulverise your kidneys and make you watch.”

And then the fucker started laughing, “I mean that wasn’t quite the password I was looking for but sure, you can live with the satisfaction that your threats of bodily harm worked.”

He opened the door and Dave and Karkat finally walked in.

 

His apartment wasn’t anything special really, Karkat had been there enough times already for the interest to wear off.

There was an admittedly impressive stack of dvds near the tv in some dvd holder he’d made with the StriLondes in some form of bro bonding. There was also a poster of some old film star with a moustache drawn on it by one of his relatives.

Everything had that distinct Broke Film Student Chic except for the piano in the corner that he dished out on because surprisingly he actually had more than one hobby.

“Welcome.” He grinned, waving his arms around dramatically, “Welcome, welcome.”

“I feel welcomed.” Karkat deadpanned, making John grin wider and Karkat’s hatred to grow a little stronger.

“So what ballstasticly awesome things do you have planned for us today?” Dave draped himself over Karkat’s shoulders, Karkat’s fists clenched in his hoodie pockets.

“Well,” John started, “Unless you have any better ideas I managed to score smash Bros off of Jane.”

Fucking Egbert hadn't even been that interested in video games until he played Tomb Raider with his distant maybe uncle and Dave showed him how to break Goldeneye.

“The 64 edition I'm guessing?” Dave asked, pretending he knew anything other than Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3.

“Of course.” John almost fucking skipped over to his couch.

“Jesus Christ you're half a step away from becoming one of those neckbeards who play that shit for money.” Karkat grumbled, but followed Dave and sat on the floor near the coffee table.

“Dude that would be sick as fuck.” He said, failing to see the insult.

“You're failing to see the insult.” Karkat told him, because someone had to.

“No, I'm just looking at the positives.” He did this fancy hand gesture and everything, “With all the time you spend with the Lalondes I'm surprised Rose hasn't pulled that shit on you.”

“She's tried.” Dave nudged him with his foot, as if to jerk the memory manually.

Karkat remembered, it was an experience and a half to say the least.

“How many tears did you shed?” He was tapping his feet excitedly, Karkat wanted to hit him.

“Only one incredibly manly one.” Dave answered for him, “It was almost beautiful.”

“Glorious.” John said, “He cries like a cyclops.”

Karkat did actually hit him. Gently. In the knee.

John shoved him with his foot and Dave took control and leaned over both of them to turn the console on. He handed John and Karkat the controllers (John getting the blue one because he was a kind and caring soul) and sat back, crossing his legs and getting himself nice and fucking at home, ready to watch this shit go down.

Karkat chose Kirby because he had good taste and John chose Peach because he had a fucking death wish.

Halfway through their match all of Karkat's reasons for once finding the shithead attractive and loveable flew out the fucking window because it wasn't fucking _fair_ that Peach could float and he couldn't push his ass off the fucking stage.

Dave fucking chuckled and ruffled his hair, Karkat stewed in his anger as silently as possible lest he bite off one of Dave's stupid fingers.

John won, Karkat chalked it up to the fact that he was used to the controllers (“which could totally just double as vibrators” Dave had said, which made Karkat lunge at him).

Karkat handed Dave the controller (begrudgingly and in no way on his own accord) and settled his head against his thigh.

Dave chose Fox because he was a furry (which Karkat told him) and John, the fucker, stayed with Peach (or as he called her, “his girl”).

And Karkat was real fucking happy that they were running on time rather than lives because otherwise they would have been there for-fucking-ever. Half the round involved a silent intimidation tactic Karkat was certain only worked because the years of their friendship had rendered their brainwaves linked.

He would have been lying if he said he wasn't impressed, John put up a good fight. In the end though it wasn't enough to beat Dave “The Merciless” Strider.

John handed Karkat his controller.

Karkat stayed with his first choice (John called it a main and Dave called it limiting your options) and glared at Dave from his comfy spot on his thigh.

“I’m about to take you downtown.” Dave said, Karkat resisted the urge to hit him.

“I’m talking back alley downtown, the big city cops don’t even bother to dip their toes in. It’s a dark, dirty, crime infested life until one hotshot rookie decides to take matters into his own hands. He’s taking down the crime boss who’s been there since time itself one puny little henchman at a time.”

Dave was correct, Karkat lost embarrassingly badly.

He dumped his controller on the ground and sat up, Dave had lost cuddle privileges.

“I have mario kart,” John said, finally saying something useful instead of terrible commentary and puns “I know Dave’s shit at that and I want the satisfaction of beating him.”

Karkat agreed and Dave whined, moping something or other about how unfair it was. John answered with a whine similar in pitch about how unfair Dave was. Dave whined even louder about how bullying can have a serious effect on one’s emotional growth and wellbeing. John whined even higher about double standards. That carried on for a few more minutes before Karkat’s ears started to hurt and he grumbled about how dumb everyone was.

Not like Mario Kart was going to help but whatever.

“Ah yes.” Dave said, after sitting through all of the menus to hear what Mario had to say because it was important to their existence apparently, “Who doesn’t love polygonal Peach?”

“You’re just desperate for things to jack off to.” Karkat said, judging him from the floor.

“You’re like those sad guys on the dark corners of the internet who draw shyguy porn.” John added. Karkat decided he was momentarily forgiven for making them play this fucking game.

“Nah everyone knows Konky Dong is where it’s at.” He said, as if it made the situation any fucking better.

“Holy fuck you’re so horny for bears it’s incredible.” Karkat was aware of this, everybody was aware of this. Everyone was well aware of Dave “Twink Extraordinaire” Strider’s deepest darkest secrets.

“You’re not a bear though.” Dave said, gesturing towards Karkat.

“He’s like, half an otter at best.” John nudged him with his foot and Karkat wanted to shred his toes.

Before Karkat could ask how the fuck he even knew what that meant, he was interrupted by the race starting.

“Guess what.” John said, as casually as one could while launching a blue shell.

Dave didn’t guess and Karkat was too busy spewing obscenities because he was fucking first and didn’t deserve that shit.

“Have you guys ever heard of Jediism?” John continued, despite the lack conversational queues.

“No.” Karkat said, as casually as one could while knocking Dave off of the track (“Have fun swimming with the fishes bitch!”).

“So like, a bunch of guys this one time decided that they were going to put their religion down as ‘Jedi’ on some census or whatever and then the government went “Oh Shit” and decided to just leave it?”

Oh no.

Karkat knew what was coming.

“And so like now it’s pretty much everywhere? Apparently Australia has like seventy thousand members or something. The best part is their ‘sixteen teachings’ I think-”

“Don’t say think. You totally know this shit, you’ve seen Star Wars you can’t lie. Lying makes the Baby Jesus cry.” Dave said, grumbling as John lapped him.

“Shut up I’m being informative here. As I was _saying_ , the Jedi guys are constantly going on about how they’re not actual Jedi’s and that their Jedi religion is actually different from the real Jedi religion.”

“Uh huh.” Karkat hummed, almost successfully tuning him out.

“And the Australian Atheism council or whatever the fuck are pissed about it because it means people are going to tick these ‘Joke Religions’ and ‘lesser their political influence’ or something culty like that.”

“And you know about this why?” Karkat asked, half genuinely interested and half wanting to tune him out.

“Because I was researching the Flying Spaghetti Monster.” John said, as if he were saying something like “Oh the news said it was going to rain tomorrow.”

“Why?” Dave asked.

John shrugged “I was bored and had enough reading about Cults.”

“Isn’t that more Rose’s thing?” Dave had now completely given up playing and was sitting underneath an item box, watching it more or less explode and reappear only to explode again when met with his car.

“Well yeah, she was the one sending them to me.” John said and then pulled the face Karkat recognised from his fucking prank escapades, “You guys want to hear about Jonestown?”

-

Dave and Karkat left after nearly four hours of dumb video games and movies and John’s long winded jokes that lost all humor two minutes in because you forgot what he was actually talking about.

Karkat didn’t want to admit it but he left with an almost sour taste in the back of his throat, the same kind of feeling he had when Sollux had moved back in, rambling about how no store bought honey could ever compare to the real shit and mentioning nothing about the migraines and mood swings.

He was, however, marginally less tired and grumpy then he was before. He even let Dave play his terrible 2000’s rap (Debatably more shit than 90’s rap).

The trip back home was long, Karkat felt kind of awkward and Dave looked really fucking happy.

“I missed John.” He said, grinning like a jackass.

“You say that every time.” Karkat said, because he did.

He said it again as they unlocked the front door and piled onto the couch, and mumbled something to a similar extent as Karkat pulled out his phone and frowned at the new messages from Kankri.

Is Dave Ign9ring me?

Intenti9nally I mean.

Karkat thought, pondered even. Kankri would know he’d seen his texts and he wasn’t feeling petty enough to leave it, not now at least. He leaned into Dave who had situated himself firmly at his side and started typing.

YOU DIDN’T EXACTLY GIVE HIM THE WARMEST OF WELCOMES.

“Ah, Krank-zilla.” Dave said, craning his neck to look around his shoulder. He had Karkat wrapped in his arms, doing the thing he did sometimes where he just latched on like some weird overly affectionate koala.

He did take y9ur ph9ne didn’t he?

AND I DID SAY I WAS FINE WITH IT DIDN’T I?

“Wouldn’t it be Kank-zilla?” Karkat mumbled, totally not picking up one of Dave’s hands to kiss his knuckles. He wasn’t that fucking basic. Totally.

“There’s an r isn’t there?” Dave asked, totally not humming against his shoulder, which totally didn’t make Karkat do it again.

“No.” Karkat would have rolled his eyes if it weren’t for the fact that he currently had an armful of Koala brand Strider and that was a much better thing to focus on. He moved his head a little so Dave had enough room.

But what if next time y9u w9nt 6e?

CAN WE CHANGE THE TOPIC?

If y9u say s9. Have y9u c9me t9 a decisi9n as t9 whether 9r n9t y9u want t9 meet up again?

God he would want literally anything but that. 

“He could come here.” Dave said, muffled by Karkat’s neck.

“How are you even reading it like that? Do you actually have eyes on the back of your head?” Like seriously either he was secretly the kid from the exorcist or just had really good eyesight.

“You’re mumbling.” He settled against Karkat’s shoulder, probably really intent on falling asleep. Karkat wrapped his free arm around his back.

NOT YET.

Right, well please n9tify me when y9u d9.

PLANNING ON IT.

He wasn’t.

“A: No the fuck I don’t mumble,” He did. Nepeta’s called him out for reading out the whole menu to himself before, “And B: Why would he come here?”

“It’s inside,” Dave said, Karkat could feel his arms move which probably meant he was ticking things off on his fingers, which meant there was a list. Goody. “You know this place, he made you walk last time so it’s only fair, we can call people up here if he gets all weird, I’m here.”

Okay yeah those were pretty convincing.

DAVE SUGGESTED YOU COMING TO OUR HOUSE.

THAT’S NOT WEIRD OR ANYTHING RIGHT?

Because as much as he disliked him, he really didn’t want to fuck anything up first thing.

N9 that c9uld w9rk. Any reas9n why?

Uhhh. Fuck. Time to bullshit something.

IT’S SECLUDED AND I’M MORE COMFORTABLE AROUND FAMILIAR PLACES.

Not entirely a lie.

Sweet.

“You know what would be really fucking great right now?” Dave mumbled and wow it was really distracting with his lips against his neck like that.

Karkat hummed.

“Those leftovers in the fridge.” And this time the little shit just started kissing his neck.

“You're on top of me.” Karkat said, “And you're apparently doing everything in your power to make sure I don't move.”

“Am I?” Dave kissed his way up, decided that that was boring and went back down, “Didn't notice.”

“Yes the fuck you did.” Karkat shoved his shoulder, “God this is the worst thing to be doing while texting my bitchfuck of a brother.”

“You love it.” Dave kissed his jaw.

“I don't actually.” Karkat grumbled.

And Dave just nodded and stopped, going back to lying on his shoulder. Karkat couldn't help the fact that maybe the arm around Dave's back tightened and maybe he squished his cheek against his forehead. Fuck he was that basic wasn't he?

“We should eat the leftovers though.” Dave mumbled, mouth now pointed away from Karkat's skin.

“Better than whatever I'm doing now.” He agreed.

Understanda6le, any day 9r time in particular?

Karkat shrugged, then realised that they were communing via text and therefore couldn't see. He bit back the urge to just write shrug.

NONE IN MIND.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tis short but like
> 
> The good (translators note: painful) shit is coming soonish so wooooo


	5. The 9 to 5 work day is boring and overused Wake Up America

Karkat had weird dreams sometimes, that’s something Dave was well aware of. To be honest Dave kinda did too, maybe it was the whole never actually being able to sleep thing that fucked with their subconcious?

Karkat also never talked in his sleep (which apparently Dave did and wow shit he did not want to know what shit Karkat had overheard because that was not the kind of dippy downer conversation he was prepared to have), he just mumbled and made noises and twitched.

He twitched a lot actually, this one time his leg jerked so hard he woke himself up which was fucking hilarious because he just gasped and went “What the shit?” in his half asleep voice and Dave was just sitting there watching the whole thing.

This time though he just grabbed the sheet and whined in less of a desperate way and more of a “My volume control is fucked normally and now I’m asleep and have zero control over anything” kind of way.

“You okay babe?” he asked, like a dumbass. He looked over from his phone screen, watching Karkat’s face. His eyebrows were knitted together and his mouth kept twitching downwards.

He was only worried enough to wake him up when he mumbled something about his dad, followed by a weird sound that roughly translated into “I'm uncomfortable.”

Dave pulled a face and shook his shoulder gently, then a little harder when that didn't do anything. Karkat wasn't a very heavy sleeper, if he got any sleep at all it was mostly just the kind you get when you nap on the couch for fifteen minutes. He was surprised he hadn't woken him up when he laughed at whatever Jade had sent him. Time zones where a wonderful thing really.

Karkat inhaled, heavily, and ran his hand along his face.

“Morning.” Dave said and Karkat mumbled something in response, “D'you remember what that was about?”

“I was at home.” He sounded distant, still half asleep, “Dad was there I think but he was wearing a weird hat.”

“Nice. What was it like?” He put his phone down and shifted so he was lying on his side.

“It had a dinosaur on it.” Karkat said, rubbing his face again, “I was back home and Dad was there in his dinosaur hat and the collar thing those church guys wear and I think we were talking but I have zero idea what he sounds like so my brain says he talks like me which was really weird.”

Dave nodded, “You sounded panicked.”

Karkat thought, “Because something happened. I can’t remember why but he was sad and then he was gone and I think it was my fault? Is my subconscious punishing me?”

“Probably.” Dave shrugged, scooting a hand up to stroke through Karkat’s gross sweaty hair.

“How long have you been awake?” he asked, leaning into Dave’s touch as best as he could while lying down.

“Most of the night.” Ah yes, the guilt, “Couldn’t settle down.”

“Still can’t?”

“Not really.”

Karkat stretched and yawned, “Well I'm probably not going to be able to get back to sleep now. Are you feeling up to doing anything that’s not this?”

Dave thought, “You mean you’re not totally up for lying in bed staring at the ceiling for hours? Do you not enjoy visibly seeing the passage of time?”

Karkat sighed and scooted closer, pressing his head into Dave’s chest, “I’d prefer being asleep.”

Dave nodded and hugged him, yawning pretty much into his ear, earning himself a glare. Whatever.

“What’s the time?” Karkat asked, muffled mostly by Dave’s shirt.

“Five-ish.” Dave shrugged, it was actually 5:20 but he wasn’t about to get all accurate on him, “Jade says hi by the way.”

“Hi Jade.” Karkat mumbled.

They stayed like that for a while longer, Karkat tucking his head in under Dave’s and Dave using his free hand (the one not busy petting Karkat’s hair) to message Jade.

GG: how long have you even been awake??   
TG: uuuuuuuuhhhh   
GG: dave!!!!   
TG: a while?   
GG: get karkat to yell at you for me! 

“Jade tells you to yell at me.” He said.

“I yell at you anyway.” Karkat mumbled, “Why?”

“You just yell in general. Because I’ve been awake all night.” He shrugged.

“Dave how dare you.” Karkat mumbled, “The audacity, the very nerve. Why is it impossible for you to keep your eyes closed for more than two fucking seconds?”

The almost bite was ruined when he yawned again.

TG: he mumbled a bit in a general angry tone   
GG: good. :)   
GG: what are you guys even doing right now anyway?   
TG: oh weve just settled down for some intense cuddle time   
TG: im talking warm fuzzies and hot tea and lovey dovey romance bullshit   
TG: bro stuff like that   
GG: oh my god dave you two are the most domestic couple since kanaya and rose raised the bar so impossibly high and moved in together.   
TG: well yeah isnt that just the lesbian thing though?   
TG: am i getting that right? lesbians move fast or whatever the fuck?   
GG: maayyybeeee…   
GG: but youre ruining my argument!!   
TG: that karkles and i are the cutest fuckin domestic sons of bitches this side of the equator?   
GG: exactly!   
GG: also one hi wasnt enough tell karkat i say hi again! :B 

“Jade says hi again.” Dave said, pausing for a second to press a smooch to Karkat’s head. Because he could.

Karkat reached for his phone, not actually grabbing it, just twisting and tapping on the keyboard and letting Dave do all the heavy lifting.

TG: HI JADE.   
GG: karkat!!! :DDD   
GG: tell dave im still grumpy at him for not sleeping.   
TG: CAN DO.   
TG: DAVE YOU’RE A DUMBASS.   
GG: thank yooouuu :D   
TG: WELCOME. (:B   
GG: awwwwww youre adorable!   
TG: jade stop fawning over my boyfriend   
GG: am not!   
TG: you so are   
TG: the oggle eyes are out the crush diary or whatever the fuck is laying open on the table every page is covered in every variation of JADE HEARTS KARKAT known to man   
GG: oh come on its not like you never had the “oggle eyes” for me.   
GG: or terezi.   
GG: or john that one time.   
TG: okay look im nowhere near as bad as karkat holy shit   
TG: i have a list of all of his pathetic crushes   
GG: lets see it!!!   
TG: well okay you subjected yourself to this   
TG: there was you   
TG: john   
TG: terezi   
TG: maybe sollux but who knows   
TG: meenah   
TG: maybe nep but i think that one was just her   
TG: he had a weird platonic thing for kanaya but she just radiates mom energies so thats excusable   
TG: possibly the ampora guy but i think that was just jealousy   
TG: roxy perhaps but shes my hot mom so who could blame him?   
TG: and most importantly yours truly   
TG: fucker falls for anyone whos nice to him   
GG: aww give him a break dave hes a hopeless romantic its cute.   
GG: also shes not your mom!!!   
GG: at least i dont think so i dont know your family is weird.   
TG: says the one with fourty six cousins   
GG: says the youngest sibling!   
TG: says the one with a long distance pen pal uncle they didn’t know actually just lived across the state   
TG: who definitely isnt actually cockney by the way   
GG: says the one who totally isnt ripped straight from parent trap.   
GG: except no youre too tall to be rose. :/   
TG: says the one whos related to egbert   
GG: :O   
GG: youre so mean!!!!   
TG: nah im just the right amount of mean   
TG: im like those motivational fitness instructors   
TG: gimme one more lap and put the ball in the fuckin hoop or whatever   
GG: you dont know anything about sports.   
TG: im macho enough to know how sports works   
GG: what sport do you even have to run in laps and throw balls?   
GG: high speed basketball?   
GG: netball with a challenge?   
GG: baseball with hoopsssssssssssssssazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz   
TG: ah   
GG: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzxccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc   
TG: well i take it youre asleep now   
GG: c   
GG: c   
GG: c   
TG: night jade   
GG: cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc   


gardenGnostic[GG] ceased pestering  turntechGodhead [TG]

Dave put his phone down and turned his attention back to the Karkat in his arms, still wide awake but doing a pretty good impression of being asleep.  
“What time is it now?” He mumbled, scooting a little to look up at him.

“Almost seven.” Dave said, ruffling his hair, “We should probably get up soon.”

“Probably.” Karkat agreed, not moving, “Not yet though.”

Dave nodded and made some incoherent sound and went back to running his fingers through Karkat’s hair absentmindedly. His hair was nice, thick and tangly and had a tendency to insnair his fingers but he didn't mind. The way Karkat completely almost relaxed was nice too, humming and closing his eyes leaning against him.

They waited for a few more moments before Karkat heaved himself up and mumbled something about work and leaned down to kiss Dave on the forehead. He missed and ended up nearly smooching him in the eye.

-

Dave leant against the counter, Aradia stood opposite him on her phone. She was wearing this dumbass skirt which was only like 20% actual skirt and 80% lace that got caught on everything but it had the spinny factor ramped up to eleven so he really couldn’t complain. She also still had her giant terrifying boots. She was always wearing those boots. He could see where the sides were worn down from most likely years of walking. Whatever they were they were clearly handcrafted by some kind of angel because there was no fucking way the crinkles in the leather was the only damage they had sustained.

“Oh no,” She said, looking up from whatever she was doing, “I’ve stood on some weird shit.”

Dave pulled a face and Aradia answered before he could voice his question, “You were mumbling. Now let’s see…”

She hoisted her leg up so Dave could see the underside of her boot, there was way too much fucking tread than necessary. 

“That’s from glass, I kicked in a window.” She pointed to a giant hole, still grinning, as per usual, “That’s from kicking someone, that’s from rocks, that’s from a bone, that’s from the knife I was using to pick things off of said bone.”

Dave raised an eyebrow, “You have a knife?”

Aradia nodded excitedly and dug around in her bag. He was expecting a swiss army knife or at best like, a switchblade or something. Instead she pulled out one of those leather pouches with the buttons that looked like something a bad Indiana Jones rip off would carry but smaller.

“What the fuck do you even use that for?” Dave asked, wide eyed as she opened it and held out a fucking weapon in the middle of a hipster record store.

She shrugged, “Carving things, digging interesting things out of rocks.”

She put it back in her bag (which was covered in paint, at least that’s what Dave hoped it was, given this newfound information) and swung her leg down with a hefty clunk.

“Oh hey guys,” Dave heard the clattering of Tavros’s wheelchair before he saw him. He’d pegged a playing card onto one of the bars and it made him sound like an army of 90s hipsters. It probably fucked with the foldability of the thing but Dave didn’t want to question it. “Nice skirt Aradia.”

Aradia grinned and swished around a little and Tavros said something along the lines of “Whoa!”

“So team.” Dave announced, “What’s the game plan for today?”

Tavros shrugged opened his phone “Not much?”

Aradia nodded, “Same as always. Hi Latula.”

Dave watched Latula saunter her way in from The Room With Two Computers. Her and Aradia shared finger guns before she turned to the counter.

Dave returned his gaze to the group and said, with an air of formality “Lets go over the rules: Don’t make the customers cry, help the hipsters or you will regret it, don’t accidentally sell anyone an empty case and please for the love of god don’t play country.”

Tavros said “You’re not the boss though.” And Aradia gave him a salute and with that they were off to start the boring humdrum day.

In the hours that followed and Dave still really not knowing how stock worked, he actually managed to get a fair chunk (translation: not a fucking lot) done. 

Sure, he wasn’t as helpful as say, Aradia who was being smiley and nice to the two anxious kids trying to buy what appeared to be a techno CD (Dave wouldn’t have been as distracted by it if it weren’t for his brain having a Hashtag Relatable moment) but you know, he helped around here and there, put CDs in their right place, spelled assbutt with the letters, important things like that.

He liked to think of himself as the Mandatory Workplace Charisma source, he kept it real for all the employees. Hell, someone had to keep everyone in check and make sure there was no underground mutiny slowly rising into power.

He was so invested in General Public Enjoyment And Happiness that he barely even noticed Rose walk in and slink right past him to Aradia.

“Wow.” She said, giving her outfit a twice over, “Give us a twirl.”

Aradia nodded enthusiastically and spun, her skirt billowed around her and took up pretty much the whole isle (it was small anyway, not like it was much of an exaggeration).

“Gorgeous, simply stunning.” She said, in what Dave was fairly certain was crude impression of the one and only Darling Kanaya, “What’s the point in a long skirt if it doesn’t spin honestly?”

Aradia nodded again and swished around, “I just got it the other day, took forever to ship though, almost forgot I ordered it.” 

“That tends to happen, yes.” She rested her hand on her palm, “Please tell me where you got it though, I recognise the handiwork.”

They then went on a spiel about what was probably goth fashion websites and online shopping and Rose mentioned something about how many companies were sure that it was the catalyst behind the slow decay of the physical store and that piqued Dave’s interest for a grand total of two seconds.

“Oh my fuck you two are so boring.” Dave groaned, sinking onto the counter.

“I’ll have you know the morals and viewpoints of using actual bone as fashion accessories are actually quite intriguing.” Rose didn’t huff, but she put her hands on her hips.

“Fine, colour me mildly interested.” Dave looked up, only slightly.

“Luckily for you however, I’m not here to talk about clothing politics-”

“Thank god.”

“I actually have a proposition.”

Hmm, could be good or bad news. Her tone wasn’t anxiety inducing so that was a good sign.

“Hit me.”

Rose grinned, waved at Aradia as she excused herself from the conversation and leant over the counter.

“How do you feel about an adventurous outdoor friendship luncheon, given that John is back finally?” She tilted her head to the side, fixing him with a cocky look.

“I’m going to pretend you were absolutely serious with every single one of those adjectives, to distract myself from the utter ridiculousness of that statement.” Dave sighed.

“You’re considering it though.” Her grin widened.

“Yeah, sounds like a fun enough time.” He rolled his eyes, Rose could tell when he did that apparently.

“Radical?” She was completely deadpan.

“Baller.” He agreed.

She stood up, “You know the Egbert picnic rule right? Kanaya and I are bringing the mandatory dip nestled within bread.”

Ah yes, he was well versed in Egbert picnic traditions.

“I’ll see if Karkat can make sandwiches.” His sandwiches were fucking amazing, he probably packed them with love or whatever. If it worked for that fucking kid in Deltora Quest then it should work for Karkat’s sandwiches.

“If that were the case wouldn’t they render you invisible?” Rose asked.

“What?”

“You were mumbling.” She was grinning. Again. “I’ll send you the details later after I wrangle them out of John. he still hasn’t told me everything.”

“Rightio.” Dave nodded and watched as she turned, waved and exited backwards, miraculously not hitting anything on her way out.

Right cool so there was a picnic happening sometime soon, better warn Karkat about that one.

 

It actually took him a few more hours to warn Karkat about that one. He got very busy doing actual work stuff and going outside to the path so he could see just how fast Tavros could zoom (the answer was very fast).

He also got very sidetracked with messaging Dirk but he was gone for half the conversation so it just ended up like

TT: Dave I’m trying to work I swear to actual god.   
TG: bro   
TG: bro   
TG: my dearest loving brother   
TG: light of my life   
TT: Will ignoring you make you feel guilty over your actions? Will you stop setting my phone off while I’m trying not to mutilate my precious fingertips rewiring this fucking furby for Roxy?   
TG: probably not   
TG: rate the level of vibrator likeness your phone is reaching right now   
TG: here ill help   
TG: bro   
TG: bro   
TG: bro   
TG: for science   
TT: Jesus fucking christ.   
Ah brothers. Who knew they could be so fickle?

His attention was also taken up mostly by driving home. Because he was a good and responsible driver and definitely didn’t nearly crash because he was looking at a cool cloud formation that would make a nice photo that one time.

The worst part about Karkat’s job was that he worked later than Dave did, meaning he couldn’t swoop in, lean on the bonnet of his car with his leather jacket popped and pick him up.

The best part was the fact that Nepeta snuck him sugar cubes.

 

Dave sighed and opened the front door, kicking off his shoes and throwing himself down on the couch. He could nap? 

Naps sounded nice.

He looked around, listing every household appliance, attempting to bore himself enough for his brain to stay quiet for at least five minutes.

Lets see…

There was the TV. They had Dave’s old box one until they finally had enough of it and bought the cheapest not shitty flat screen they could. Dave would forever miss the static though. The “Tv stand” was just what once was a bedside table that belonged to someone related to Karkat’s aunt.

The coffee table was nice, there were shitty pen drawings underneath it that Karkat didn’t know about. They were from John. The table came from John also.

Dave’s computer, his pride and joy, the most expensive thing he owned next to his camera (and the fucking film).

Karkat’s vacuum cleaner was the last thing they got to really drive home the domestic-ness of everything. They never really used it except for when people were coming over or the mess of everything slowly drove Karkat crazy. 

Nope, not working. Fuck.

Dave sighed and sat up, luckily for him it was just in time for his phone to vibrate.

Tomorrow at the park with the sheep statue, we’ll wait for you to get off work before we do anything interesting. Be there or be square. 

Sweet, cool, so that was that mystery solved.

He should tell Karkat about that.

Totally.

 

Whatever ghost Wonder Woman was trying to get him to buy was interrupted by the door wiggling. He opened his eye blearily to see Karkat walking in and situating himself in front of Dave’s feet. He draped himself over the back of the couch.

“Hey.” Dave mumbled, becoming more and more aware of the fact that he didn’t tell Karkat about that.

“Hey.” Karkat answered, moving so he was lying against Dave’s arm because he just didn’t enjoy comfort apparently.

“How was work?” He asked, still not completely coherent.

Karkat shrugged, “Some lady got pissed because I didn’t put the exact amount of coffee she likes in her cup. You know, people tell you about the horrors of working with dumbass customers and you’re always fucking certain they’re making it up until it actually fucking happens to you in person. Also Meenah wants to get a job with the doughnut guys.”

Ah, right “Sounds tragic.”

“Yeah, Roxy’s heartbroken. How was whatever the fuck you decided to do at work?” 

Dave shrugged too, “Aradia owns a knife and Tavros can do wheelies.”

Karkat nodded, “Nice.”

They sat in silence for a little while longer, Dave moved his arm but Karkat was still adamant on lying on his side on top of Dave’s side. 

He took a deep breath “Hey so do you have any objections or whatever about Kankri coming over tomorrow? Because my weirdass dream was probably my subconscious telling me to sort that shit out or whatever the fuck Rose says.”

Oh! Speaking of Rose! “Actually yeah I do, because tomorrow we’re going to be super fucking busy on an Adventurous Outdoor Friend Luncheon.” He made sure to pronounce the capitals.

“The John kind?”

“Exactly.”

He couldn’t tell if he was grinning or grimacing “I’m guessing you want me to make sandwiches again?”

“It’s the Egbert rule.”

Karkat nodded and sat up, heaving himself off of the couch, “Alright I’ll message Kankri.”

There was a sudden absence of Karkat, but he heard him calling out from the hallway, “You know they're not actually that special right? I just use actual butter.”

“But that's what makes them special. Wasn't that the plot of Kung Fu Panda?” Dave called back, face halfway in a pillow.

“I’m not going to talk to you if you’re going to bring it back to your dumb furry shit.” He could almost hear the eyeroll.

“I’ll have you know Kung Fu Panda was a cinematic masterpiece, the character design, the composition, the _lighting_ Karkat. The colour pallets are gorgeous, the locations, everything in that movie is incredible.”

“Okay, I see your point but also, Jack Black played a panda.” 

“But doesn’t that just add to it though?” 

He watched Karkat walk back in with a face of detestment, “No not really.”

He sat down again, Dave scooted his legs out of the way, “Kankri says he can come around Sunday. I can make food and we’re not going to keep on talking about fucking Kung Fu Panda.”

“Can do.”

Karkat nodded, “Roll over.”

Dave rolled over and Karkat settled himself against his chest instead of his arm this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy Jesus I'm sorry that took so long wow
> 
> I'd like to thank my beautiful girlfriend (I know you're reading this) for actually motivating me to finish this chapter I stg I'd be a lot cause without at least _someone_ keeping a handle on things :,^)
> 
> In other news I was informed that I have a really neat vein going down my neck so that's cool.


	6. The Laws of Equivalent Exchange Say I Have to Bring Dip

Most of the morning was a blur. He was asleep. Dave woke him up when he crawled out of bed. He fell asleep again. Dave woke him up again when he crawled back in to say goodbye. More sleep.

He was currently unsure of what was a dream and what wasn't, because he was absolutely certain that Dave had rushed back because he'd forgotten something, but apparently that something was a large book (which was most likely a grimoire) he'd hidden under the floorboards (they didn’t have floorboards) and he'd left yelling something about Rose.

Karkat sat up, running a hand over his face and yawning. It was late, his internal clock was shitting itself and he had nothing really to do.

He stayed staring at the wall for a few minutes, slouching and getting lost in a multitude of thoughts.

After a little while of contemplating the state of matter of peanut butter he decided that there was much better things to do with his time.

That being climbing out of bed and dragging himself towards his computer.

He winced as the screen turned on, leaning over his keyboard and waiting for everything to boot up.

He found himself typing in Kankri's dumbass website.

Again.

There was no way in hell he'd ever admit it to himself (let alone anyone else dear god) that he’d taken to going on that fucking thing whenever he felt bored enough to put his brain cells through it.

So far he found out that yes, Kankri did indeed have friends (a shock really), he was doing pretty well in school, Dad was indeed a complicated subject (he’d been inactive multiple times, which was apparently very unlike him) and there was one guy who was pissing him off. The Cronus guy.

He scrolled through post after post, most of it was just Kankri telling the guy to shut the fuck up or to leave him alone or to just dear god stop being so fucking weird. He actually swore once too, Karkat was almost proud of him.

It was mostly just the same thing, kind of boring to be honest. If nothing actually rage inducing popped up he would probably just go and-

Oh. That was new.

Karkat looked at the photo, Kankri hadn’t posted a photo before and it wasn’t of him.

Cr9nus, I’d much rather y9u didn’t su6mit me pictures of y9urself, I am not here t9 review y9ur selfies n9r am I here t9 find y9u p9tential “girls” 9r whatever else y9u think y9u'll acc9mplish via this exchange. There are many 9ther acc9unts that will d9 that f9r y9u if y9u’re actually interested, 9r maybe y9u're just here t9 t9rment me, wh9 kn9ws at this p9int. I’ll p9st this here t9 state y9u f9r n9w, 6ut I’d advise y9u t9 st9p after this. My patience can 9nly wear s9 thin. 

So _that_ was Cronus. He didn’t look anything like Karkat expected, he was thinking more along the lines of cheato covered neckbeard from what he’d been sending him. Not...Greaser wannabe who probably listened to Arctic Monkeys and thought he was cool and underground for knowing who Jack White was.

God he had an eyebrow scar and everything, Karkat fucking hated him.

Shit.

Karkat also recognised him.

He’d been a lot younger, hadn’t gotten into whatever the fuck this phase was but he’d acted much the same as he did now and he still had the funky scar and everything. He talked like he was a lot older than he was (he was probably thirteen or fourteen but Karkat, being tiny at the time, thought he must have nearly been eighteen) and he towered over him, getting in his space and trying his hardest to be as intimidating as possible.

“You’re the preacher’s kid right?” He asked, hands on his hips, raising his eyebrows.

Karkat might have nodded, he wasn’t sure if he even knew where his Dad worked at that point.

“What’d he do to you?” He chuckled, obviously asking about why he’d run away but Karkat was a fucking idiot when he was little and just stared up at him, wide eyed.

He wasn’t afraid of him, that much Karkat remembered, he just knew he was angry but didn’t know what to do.

“You don’t just skidaddle off like that without a reason.” His grin was wide as fuck, probably exaggerated on Karkat’s behalf, “He must have done _something_ right? My Dad’s never trusted those Church guys.”

He figured out what he’d meant a while ago, but he really didn’t like thinking about it. He just knew he finally had a name to put to that creep’s face. Cronus was an asshole and he was wrong and he-

He was fucking related to Eridan.

Karkat must have been dense as a fucking rock because he’d never connected the dots until now. To be fair they had very little family resemblance, Cronus being all cheekbones and three meter long legs, Eridan still looking twelve even after five growth spurts and getting his license and getting some poor fuck to trust his fake ID.

God he felt almost gross now, he actually enjoyed Eridan’s company for the most part. Fucking ew.

He closed the window and swiveled around on his chair, rubbing his eyes notand sighing. Well that was a fun fucking trip down Repressed Memory lane, he was about god damn ready to hop off of the Gross Out tour bus at Wow Shit That Was Fucking Weird avenue. Time to stop thinking Vantas.

But his brain didn’t shut up, instead it opened the fucking floodgates.

What about Nascar Dad’s friends, the grumpy tall guy with the stubble and scar over his eye and his posse. He was harsh and cold but he cared, for whatever miniscule reason there was to care about a tiny shitty kid, and he snuck him licorice from under the table.

The guy down the street who sold fake crab and yelled who used to ask him how his day was, chucked him half of whatever baked good he’d bought that afternoon.

Anxious china collection aunt and her dog who would sit at the end of his bed when he had nightmares.

Sollux’s dads, the tall one who was passionate about politics and the one with two different coloured eyes who worked night shift and was always asleep.

He remembered sitting in Kanaya’s living room, her mum fussing over him and him doing nothing but leaning on Kanaya’s shoulder and staring at the wall.

God wow now it was really time to stop thinking. No more fucking exposition, no more super fun memories, no more zoning out for twenty minutes thinking about childhood.

He stood up and hunched over, lurching his way into the lounge room. He needed something to distract him.

Wow it would be so much better if Dave wasn’t a heathen who worked weekends, what he really needed to do was yell at something and Dave always found his outbursts amusing for whatever reason.

He stewed for a moment more, sitting on the couch and crossing his arms, glaring at the door.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering  turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: ARE YOU DOING ANYTHING INTERESTING/IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW?    
TG: could be    
TG: why do you ask? Are you planning on being a distraction?    
CG: DEPENDS.    
CG: ARE YOU WILLING TO LISTEN TO MY DUMBASS RANTING?    
TG: of course i am bro im always ready fo that you go ahead ill sit back and listen    
CG: OKAY COOL.    
CG: SO GUESS WHO JUST HAD A FUN FILLED, DAISY PRANCING, RAINBOW PUKING ADVENTURE IN THE CHILDHOOD MEMORY MEADOWS?    
CG: TRICK QUESTION THE ANSWER IS ME OBVIOUSLY.    
TG: anything seriously bad?    
TG: do i need to come home?    
CG: GOD NO IT’S NOTHING LIKE THAT DON’T WORRY I’M JUST BEING A LITTLE BITCH.    
TG: when are you not?    
CG: FUCK YOU.    
TG: later bb ;)    
CG: GOD YOU’RE DISGUSTING.    
TG: point taken please continue    
CG: GLADLY.    
CG: SO I HAVE A GUARDIAN ANGEL OUT IN THE NOODLE MARKETS, HE USED TO GIVE ME PASTRY AND SHIT, HE WAS PRETTY NEAT.    
CG: THIS HAS LITERALLY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PROBLEM BY THE WAY, I’M AVOIDING THAT AND AIMING TO CONTINUE AVOIDING IT.    
TG: neat do you think he came from noodle heaven?    
CG: NO HE SOLD FISH DISGUISED AS FRIED CRAB.    
TG: despicable    
TG: also im coming home by the way    
CG: YOU DON’T HAVE TO SERIOUSLY I’M FINE.    
TG: well too bad because im heading to my car as we speak    
TG: i got let off early for the picnic    
CG: OH SHIT YEAH THAT’S A THING.    
TG: fuck yeah its a thing    
TG: its only the greatest family reunion of our generation    
CG: MINUS JADE.    
TG: well yeah    
CG: I’LL START MAKING FOOD.    
TG: keep telling me about street food guy he sounds cool as shit    
CG: YOU’RE DRIVING, DIPSHIT.    
TG: im not driving yet    
TG: and its not like im going to be reading at the wheel im not that irresponsable am i?    
TG: dont answer that    
CG: DEBATEABLE.    
CG: OKAY WELL I HAD TO WALK THAT WAY TO GET TO SCHOOL.    
CG: ONE OF MANY. I SWEAR TO GOD STABLE CHILDHOOD? I DON’T KNOW HER APPARENTLY.    
CG: AND HE WOULD ALWAYS ASK ME HOW I WAS GOING BUT HE WOULD BE YELLING AS LOUD AS FUCKING POSSIBLE AND HE WOULD GIVE ME SOME OF HIS FOOD BECAUSE HE WAS CONVINCED I WASN’T EATING BUT IT WASN’T LIKE I WAS SCRAWNY OR ANYTHING.    
CG: BUT THAT’S ALL THERE REALLY IS ABOUT HIM.    
CG: I COULD TELL YOU ABOUT SLICK?    
TG: you have no idea how excited i am from that name alone    
CG: SLICK WAS FRIENDS WITH NASCAR DAD, HE WAS PROBABLY SOME KIND OF MOB BOSS OR WHATEVER, I’M PRETTY SURE NASCAR OWED HIM MONEY.    
CG: HE SEEMED TO TAKE A LIKING TO ME THOUGH BECAUSE HE ALWAYS HAD THAT GRANDMA LICORICE ON HIM AND EVERY TIME HE CAME OVER HE WOULD GIVE ME SOME AND TELL ME NOT TO BOTHER WITH GETTING ANY FROM HIS FRIENDS BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T HAVE TASTE.    
CG: HIS FRIENDS WERE EQUALLY AS SHADY AND I’M 99% SURE I SAW ONE OF THEM COVERED IN BLOOD ONCE.    
CG: I LIKED HIM THOUGH, HE WAS PRETTY FUCKING COOL.    
TG: you know what?    
TG: that thoroughly exceeded my expectations good job    
TG: cool so my boyfriend is under the protection of the mafia how sick is that?    
TG: do you think theyll extend that favour to me?    
CG: YOU ASK LIKE I ACTUALLY KNOW WHERE HE IS NOW.    
CG: I HAVE ZERO IDEA WHAT HE’S DOING, FOR ALL I KNOW HE’S BEHIND BARS FOR MURDERING SOMEONE IN HIGH PLACES.    
TG: im waiting for the but    
CG: THERE IS NO BUT.    
CG: HAHAHA SEE THE JOKE IS THAT YOU HAVE A FLAT ASS.    
TG: rude but ill let it slide    
CG: LIKE THINGS RIGHT OFF YOUR NONEXISTENT ASS?    
TG: im going to block you    
CG: I'M WAITING.    
TG: …    
CG: HAHAHAHA I KNEW YOU COULDN'T.    
TG: because im invested    
TG: i saw a shady tall guy hanging around with aradia the other day he had this cool hat and was wearing a tie and looked all gangster like does that sound familiar?    
CG: YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GENERIC THAT DESCRIPTION IS DO YOU?    
CG: PROBABLY NOT. YOU’RE PROBABLY SITTING THERE ALL SMUG ABOUT YOUR GREAT JOB, THINKING YOU’RE THE MASTER OF EXPLANATIONS AND SHIT, YOU PROBABLY THINK YOU JUST FILLED MY BRAIN WITH VIVID PICTURES, LIKE I’M REALLY THERE.    
TG: yeah pretty much    
CG: LET ME REITERATE A PREVIOUS STATEMENT.    
CG: YOU’RE DRIVING, DIPSHIT.    
TG: oh yeah i guess i am    
CG: EYES ON THE ROAD! JESUS CHRIST I’M LEAVING. BYE. DON’T DIE.    
TG: its worth it for the fun childhood stories.    
CG: OH MY FUCKING GOD.    
CG: YOU’RE LUCKY I LOVE YOU.    
TG: awww love you too sweetheart    
TG: shnookums    
TG: pumpkin    
TG: sugar    
TG: honeybear    
TG: poundcake    
TG: cutie patootie    
TG: snugglebug    
CG: ARE YOU LOOKING AT THE ROAD?    
TG: sure    
CG: YOU’RE THE WORST.    
CG: BYE.    
TG: swoon    


carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering  turntechGodhead [TG]

Karkat nodded and put his phone down, standing up and trundling over to the kitchen.

Sandwiches were good, sandwiches were simple. It was pretty easy really, nothing with peanuts because John was actually just token nerd personified, nothing super weird for Dave because he was fucking lame, Kanaya just ate anything and as far as he knew, Rose didn't carry any of the Strider's food allergies. Dave inherited all that shit.

He made six, just in case. The last time they saw Jade was Christmas last year, she was always somewhere, last time they checked she was slowly traveling around America with her dog. She was no Forrest Gump but she was on the news at some point.

Presentation is fucking key so he put everything into a paper bag (getting the vintage points there fuck yeah) and drew some shit in sharpie on the front. Some shitty stick figures of everyone, a giant tree, Karkat being a pissbaby halfway up the tree. It was a beautiful illustration really, all it needed was some colour, but the only thing he had was another sharpie and he didn’t really think he could pull off a monochromatic red piece using just permanent marker.

He was halfway done adding sunglasses to a wimpy, wiggly sun when Dave walked in, throwing open the door and yelling “Boom baby!”

“I thought I said no Kung Fu Panda.” Karkat put the marker down and rolled up the top. He felt like a 50’s housewife.

“That’s Disney Karkles, you have to get your children's movie companies straight.” He grinned and leaned on the doorframe. Karkat wiggled the bag. 

“Yeah yeah just let me get changed.” He stood up and made his way towards the bedroom.

“You don’t even need to get changed.” Karkat grumbled, following him, “You don’t have a uniform.”

“Karkat we've talked about this.” Dave flopped into the closet, it was very dramatic, “This counts as a uniform.”

Karkat rolled his eyes and grabbed Dave's letterman from the floor, kicking a stray packet of skittles back under the bed.

He shrugged the jacket on just in time for Dave to come stumbling out of the closet with a shirt halfway over his arms, shades thrown on the floor somewhere.

“It’s just a t-shirt.” Karkat rolled his eyes, Dave probably rolled his eyes back, Karkat couldn’t tell.

“And you’re just jealous.” He pulled his shirt over his head and fixed Karkat with a look, “Nice jacket, where’d you get it?”

Karkat rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time and grabbed Dave’s hand, Dave almost dragged him to the floor when he kicked up his glasses, fixing them on his head and striding (Karkat was a comedy genius, truly an undiscovered talent) out the bedroom door.

“Right so where the fuck are we going? I’m in complete darkness here.” Karkat grabbed the bag of sandwiches and locked the front door behind them “I mean as in I can’t even see my hand in front of my face kind of dark. I’m all alone here Dave, you have to come shine one single, holy light so I can free myself.”

“Park with the sheep statue.” Dave grinned, “Thought that much was obvious.”

“Sigh.” Karkat said, fiddling with the frayed end of the bag, “I get to be the middle aged Mum I always dreamed of being.”

“If anyone asks we’ll say our little girl is off climbing a tree. C’mon Karkarina, stay where we can see you.”

What? “Karkarina?” What the fuck?

“I mean given it's your family it's gotta start with a K right? You're the Kardashians of local coffee shops. You know, Kankri and Karkat and now little Karkarina. It's beautiful.” Dave seemed completely and utterly convinced.

“My Dad's name doesn't start with a K.” Karkat dragged then down the stairs, because apparently Dave was unable to move while going on tangents.

“Oh shit what's your Dad's name?” Dave looked heartbroken.

“Steven.” Probably. Or maybe there was a ph.

Wait.

Holy fuck. “I'm a fucking idiot.” Jesus Christ how dense was he to miss that, “That was his fucking membership.”

“What?”

“He's Stephan.” Karkat stopped and hit his head against the wall, maybe if he whacked it hard enough it would get it's shit together. Like those old box TVs. “Kankri had his gallery membership and I didn't fucking realise, I'm so stupid.”

Dave watched, seemingly unphased by Karkat's current mental situation.

“Is this a bad thing?” He asked, eyebrows furrowed.

“No I’m just clueless.” He sighed and stood up, “So fucking clueless.”

It bugged him for the entire walk down the stairs, the entire car ride (even when Dave was playing Video Killed the Radio Star and elbowing him in the shoulder because he just _knew_ Karkat knew all of it) and the entire walk down the path to meet everyone.

John was lying under a tree, staring up through the leaves with his glasses abandoned on one of the roots next to him. Karkat had worn John’s glasses a grand total of once and he had concluded that there was no way he was possibly able to see without them on. Karkat’s eyes still hurt at the mere thought of it.

Rose and Kanaya were sitting on the picnic blanket, Rose halfway through tearing into a slice of bread like a fucking animal and Kanaya had a pencil between her teeth, holding a sketchbook Karkat had seen a couple of times. She kept patterns and designs in there and Rose had once taken it so Dave could draw shitty art in it as a “present.”

It was still bugging him, but he followed Dave and watched him nudge John with his foot gently and John whack his shin. 

“Dave!” John yelled, almost angry if it weren’t for his laughing.

“Karkat!” Kanaya joined in with the yelling, standing up in one swift movement and scooping him into her arms.

He hugged back, now being bugged by the fact that huh, that was odd. It wasn’t like they never hugged, it’s just that Kanaya had this certain way of hugging when something was off. 

There was a lot more yelling and a lot more hugging, less from John because they’d literally been over the other day (and many days before that).

They all piled onto the picnic blanket, Karkat dumping the bag of sandwiches somewhere in the middle and Rose humming and launching into a very detailed and almost scathing review of his stick figure drawing.

“I’d ask if this was based upon true events but I think everyone here knows that you would never willingly participate in physical activity, especially that which could result in you getting hurt.” She nodded to herself and looked over the drawing again, “I wonder if the lack of colour is a metaphor for something unreachable, a dream you cannot have?”

“Nah it just means that he doesn’t own any colours.” John shrugged, “Or it secretly means he can’t climb trees or he’ll fall and die.”

“The fuck I can’t.” Karkat grumbled, pulling a sandwich out of the bag to shut everyone up, his bracelet jingling in the process “Don’t you remember the asprin, John?”

“Yeah, it was terrifying.” John grimaced, “You just had to go and try and make breakfast and stab yourself and bleed all over the backseat while we were trying to drive you to the hospital and then yell at the doctors.”

“I was trying to be a good guest.” He huffed, “It’s not my fault I don’t know the chemical makeup of every single thing.”

“Shouldn’t you at least know what medication you can and can’t take?” Kanaya asked, raising a single dainty yet horribly questioning eyebrow.

“I was sick.” Karkat whined. He was whining. God.

Dave coughed and said “Drunk.”

Karkat whacked him.

Rose just laughed and tore off another piece of bread.

They sat and ate for a bit, Dave had taken to leaning over Karkat’s legs and was recounting something that happened at work the other day to a mildly interested Rose who was leaning back with her head in her hand, nodding every now and then. John was eating a sandwich with reckless abandon and Kanaya was drawing and listening to whatever Dave was talking about. Every now and then she would turn to Karkat and give him a look. The look. Karkat knew that look well.

Something was wrong and she was trying to be sympathetic but could only compress her grand multitude of thoughts into a wiggly sort of frown and downturned eyebrows.

He pressed his mouth into a thin line and attempted to have one of Dave and Rose’s wordless conversations where they spend fifteen minutes making faces at each other.

It didn’t work.

John sat next to Dave, dangerously close to sitting on Karkat’s feet, and sighed, “I wish Jade was here.”

Dave made a sad sort of noise of agreement, Kanaya said nothing and Rose fucking smirked.

“You’re hiding something.” Dave said, pushing his shades to his forehead.

“And what gives you that idea? Do you not trust me?” Rose was still smirking.

“No.” Karkat rested his chin in his hand, Dave said went “oof” when he rested his arm on his back.

Rose scoffed, “How long have we known each other? How long have we known we were siblings?”

“How long have you been testing my natural born trust?” Dave raised an eyebrow.

John looked between the two, Kanaya checked her phone and nudged Rose in the shoulder.

“You have a plan.” John stated, still taking in the whole scene, “I know that face.”

Rose blinked, innocently and sweetly, but her fucking smirk was growing, “John are your glasses still by the tree?”

There was a few seconds of silence, it was almost beautiful.

Dave opened his mouth but was interrupted by excited yelling from the path.

Everyone turned, they had about two seconds to prepare before their world was made up entirely of hair and strong arms and squealing.

“Oh my gosh!” Jade yelled, squeezing everyone tighter, almost hitting Dave with her knee in the process.

From what Karkat could see John still looked pretty shocked about the whole thing. Also he had hair in his mouth. Ew.

“Do you own a hairbrush?” Karkat grumbled. You know, instead of saying hi or whatever.

“Excuse me,” Jade sat up finally and pulled everything back with one arm, “I think I could ask you the same question, mister.”

Actually he had a comb “You have a scrunchie.”

“You have a scrunchie?” Dave asked, sitting up and twisting so he could see the neon green abomination wrapped around her wrist.

She sighed dramatically and made a big show of pulling her hair into a ponytail.

“Right.” John grinned wide and slapped his hands on his legs, “Now that that’s done.”

He pulled Jade in for another giant hug, Dave joined in.

“I talked to you yesterday.” His voice was muffled by Jade’s shoulder, “There’s no way you could have gotten here in a day what the hell?”

“I was in a hotel, dumby!” She flicked his forehead, almost directly in the shades, “That’s why I fell asleep so quickly, I was running on your guys’ timezone. Jeeze!”

They broke off eventually, Jade taking to leaning on John’s arm. Karkat was very happy he made extra food.

Rose raised an eyebrow, glancing at the pitiful amount of picnic snacks in front of them and back to Jade, “The Egbert rule?”

Jade laughed awkwardly, “About that…”

She pulled out a block of chocolate from the impossibly deep pocket in her skirt.

“Aww Jade,” John said, “It’s a picnic.”

“I was on a bus for most of the day,” She waved her arms around, nearly smacking Dave, “I didn’t have time to make anything.”

“That’s quite alright,” Kanaya smiled warmly “We have enough to satisfy all of us here.”

They ate until the dip was all gone and they were left with the mushy gross bread down the bottom, Jade ate her sandwich and complemented Karkat’s drawing (she was the only one to say anything nice about it, though he could sense some deep, buried sarcasm there). She talked all about the shark she saw on her trip, all the cool people she talked to and the ray she fed.

And Kanaya kept giving Karkat those fucking looks.

“And then I fell out of the boat,” Jade snorted, “It’s a good thing it was so shallow because I just tipped backwards into a school of fish with lasagna all over me.”

“And you didn’t save any for the fish?” Dave said in mock hurt, “For shame, Harley.”

“They wouldn’t have liked it.” She shrugged.

Karkat raised his eyebrows at Kanaya who had just turned back to the conversation. When that didn’t work he made a similar gesture to Rose, it involved a lot more gesturing towards Kanaya. Rose looked between them and shrugged, taking another bite of her sandwich.

Soon the food was gone (except for the very bottom of the bread which Dave had frisbeed into a bush, much to the disappointment of Jade) and everyone was left to lie on the picnic blanket and talk. They talked until it was boring and they had nothing left to talk about, at which point Jade stood up and stumbled towards the swingset.

Everyone followed eventually, taking over the playground. Karkat was on the slide, Dave was at the monkey bars (fucker was tall enough to just walk but he decided to be fancy and was hanging upside down), John squished himself into one of those dumb pogo things, Rose took the flying fox and Kanaya was sitting inside a tiny tunnel.

Karkat kicked a bit of tambark and shimmied himself back up the slide, taking a moment to yell Fuck You to all the teachers who told him “It’s a _slide_ not a _climb_.” like that made any fucking sense.

Jade swung hard and leapt off, landing with a flourish which involved a lot of falling and rolling. Dave lifted himself down with so much grace it made Karkat want to punch him. John stood up, wobbled a little and settled with rocking just his bottom half, hands on his hips. Rose jumped and very narrowly caught the handle that had come to a stop somewhere near the middle. Kanaya squirmed out of the tunnel and nearly got caught on her skirt, catching herself before she could fall straight onto her face.

Karkat had to stop himself from getting sappy and emotional. Instead he focused on laughing when John nearly fell and when Jade wiped tambark off her skirt and when Kanaya contorted herself to fit under the playground and when Dave tripped and hit Rose accidentally.

He was happy.

He was happy when they all packed up, happy when they split the last bits of chocolate between themselves, happy when they hugged each other goodbye (even if John shed a tear or two), happy when he and Dave climbed into the car and happy on the ride home.

He opened the front door with a dumb smile on his face, leaning against Dave and drawing small circles in his hand like a lovestruck idiot.

He was about to reach for the remote to see what kind of trash tv was on, but instead he was interrupted by his phone vibrating.

Oh. It was Kanaya.

Had he forgotten something? Did something bad happen? Was she finally going to give him the reason behind her Concerned Mother looks?

He opened the message.

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began pestering  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

GA: Im Sorry About Your Father   
CG: WHAT THE FUCK?   
CG: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?   
GA: Ah   
GA: If You Dont Know Yourself I Dont Think I Should Be The One To Tell You   
GA: Nothing Is The Matter Everything Is Fine You Dont Have To Worry   
CG: WHAT THE FUCK NO.   
CG: YOU CAN’T JUST DROP THAT SHIT AND THEN LEAVE IT.   
CG: THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?   
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased pestering  carcinoGeneticist [CG]  
CG: FUCK YOU 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So guess who just saw the Heathers musical


	7. Kankri Fucks the Shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I apologise in advance to those who do not enjoy pesterlogs

Today was Sunday.

Today was the day Kankri was going to come join them.

In their house.

What fun.

 

Karkat was vacuuming. Karkat rarely vacuumed unless it was a big family holliday and people were coming over to their house. Which was almost never because their house was kind of shitty and Kanaya and Rose had pot plants and John liked company and Jade grew vegetables. 

Karkat was also stalling because Kanaya’s passive aggressive coddling was still fresh in his mind and he was still waiting to see if he even wanted to know what she was talking about.

He drowned his thoughts out with the clunkity crunch of everything. God they really needed to vacuum more.

Once that was done and he had no excuse to keep cleaning he sat in the lounge room floor and crossed his legs, waiting for Dave.

Sitting on the floor was vastly underrated, so was lying under coffee tables come to think about it.

Karkat shuffled so he was lying down with his head under the coffee table and hands crossed over his stomach like some kind of gross rendition of Snow white. Hey, if Kankri came early he might think he was dead and leave. Maybe he could stay like that like all of those stories he'd heard about old ladies passing peacefully in their sleep and no one noticing until the rent never turned up.

He squinted at the shitty pen drawings Dave thought he didn't know about. There was a dick (as per Strider tradition), a squishy ghost (which John insisted wasn't Slimer), a horse (which Karkat was fairly sure came from Dirk), some stick figures fighting and a bunch of other things he couldn't really make out anymore.

As hard as he tried he couldn't keep anything quiet. Every single one of his nerves was screaming and someone had decided to replace all the butterflies in his stomach with titanium alloy moths.

He clutched his stomach a little tighter, squishing his face into the general shape of detestment. 

When grinding his teeth was no longer a good enough distraction he sat up, slouching forwards and inspecting the carpet.

Dave would be home soon, Dave was so much better than fucking Kankri so he was a better person to wait for obviously.

He wondered how he was going. Was he in the car yet? How far had he driven? Was he even off work?

He sighed and stood up, walking around in a large circle around the whole lounge room. He did it twice, then once the other direction.

He was halfway through his new route in the kitchen when he heard the rattling and jingling of keys. 

Keys. Keys meant Dave which meant he was home which meant Karkat was fine and he finally had something to calm his fucking nerves.

Dave opened the door with a sympathetic lopsided sort of smile and said “Can’t calm down?”

And Karkat trudged over to him and put his head on his chest, sighing heavily.

Dave petted his back softly, laughing just a little like the smug bastard he was.

He lead them to the couch and Karkat leant on him, his whole self on his shoulder. Dave just ran his fingers through his hair, giving off his finest of calm vibes or whatever else he'd say.

But something was off, Dave was weird and stiff and his face was forced into something more stoic.

“What's up?” Karkat asked, because he felt like shit.

“Nothing much.” He shrugged, his fingers catching on a knot.

“Bullshit, Strider.” Karkat sat up straight.

“Woah Strider? Remind me what year we're in again? Is this the Karkat I know and love?” Dave grinned, raising an eyebrow and leaning over the arm of the couch.

“God.” Karkat rolled his eyes, “Shut the fuck up please. Something's wrong.” 

Dave's grin faltered and his gaze drifted to the ground near his feet, “It's dumb.”

Karkat could barely hear him through the mumbling, “It's not dumb.”

Dave opened his mouth and closed it again, sighing through his nose and biting his cheek. When he seemed to realise he had nothing left to retaliate with he said, so quick that Karkat almost missed it, “I’m scared.”

“Of Kankri?” 

He nodded, hesitated and shrugged, “I mean if that's what he's like over text what's he going to be like in person?”

Karkat shrugged back, “I can take care of him if he gets too-” he waved his hands around, “-you know.”

Dave shrugged.

Karkat sighed and thought, “I have an idea.”

Dave’s shocked noise as Karkat leaned forward to kiss him was fucking priceless and Karkat probably would have just enjoyed that for a bit if it weren’t for the fact that this was meant to be calming and distracting and shit.

“Your idea has something to do with making out I’m guessing?” Dave asked “Because you stole that idea from me.”

“Shut up.” Karkat grumbled, “It’s working isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Dave shrugged, “But that’s just because you’re needy as all shit.”

Karkat shoved his shoulder and Dave laughed, leaning forward to kiss him. He was still anxious as hell but smooching was a nice enough distraction, if not really unfitting for the situation.

They kept on doing it and Dave decided it would be a capital fucking idea to tip them backwards.

Karkat grinned into the kiss, shifting as Dave wrapped his arm under his back, lifting him just slightly.

He clutched onto the front of his shirt in response, his laugh muffled by Dave’s lips.

Dave collapsed onto his free arm, the one resting next to Karkat’s head, bringing them flush against each other. Karkat’s arms may have been crushed but it was an injury he was willing to brave for the sake of his boyfriend.

“Karkat.” Dave mumbled against the kiss, “Karkles.”

Karkat shushed him and moved his arms, with some effort, to hang around Dave’s neck.

He pulled him closer, “My hands going numb, babe.”

Karkat rolled his eyes, “That sounds like a you problem.”

Dave pouted and pulled away, “But that’s my favourite hand. I need that hand, Karkat. It’s important to me, to my work.”

“Your work being jacking off.” 

Dave stuck his tongue out and sat up slightly.

“Eat shit.” He said, but he was smiling.

“We all know what you’re into.” 

Karkat grabbed him by the front of his shirt, he made a shocked sort of chirping noise but complied, melting against him in the best way.

He registered, very vaguely, that Dave’s hand was creeping towards his hip and sneaking up where his shirt had ridden up.

Karkat rolled his eyes and did his best impression of a snarl, from Dave’s face it didn’t accomplish much, “Not now, jesus fuck.”

“Hey, I wasn’t going to do anything.” he held his hands up like he was trying to look innocent.

“Sure.” He sighed, but it was muffled mostly when he pulled Dave back down.

But instead of his lips, Dave settled for peppering kisses across Karkat’s cheek and down his neck. 

“You fucking-” Karkat squirmed, he shoved Dave once or twice but alas, his half-assed defenses were rendered useless by Dave’s bony ass elbow clipping him in the side.

He dissolved into giggles pretty quickly, if he were actually trying he probably could have kept his act up for longer but he couldn’t deprive himself of the face Dave made whenever he laughed forever. His hands made their way up Karkat’s shirt, wiggling quite ungracefully against his ribs, it wasn’t actually all that effective but-

Oh god dammit.

Dave sat bolt upright at the sound of the doorbell, jolting Karkat up with him.

He looked up at Dave’s disheveled, obvious makeout hair, his flushed cheeks and messed up shirt.

“I’ll get it.” He groaned.

He waddled over to the door, fixing his hair blindly. He swore if it was the fucking mormons again he was going to go right back to shoving his tongue down Dave’s throat sans closed door.

Instead he was met with the grimacing fuckwad himself. 

“Hi.” Karkat’s face soured, he could tell.

Kankri looked from Dave to Karkat, a few emotions flickered across his face before he settled back into a slightly less warm smile.

“You said you wanted to talk.” He nodded towards inside, “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

Behind him he heard Dave shuffling around and the clacking of glasses frames. He was pretty sure they were fine.

“Sure, fine whatever.” He stepped out of the doorway and went to join Dave on the couch.

Dave was staring straight ahead, slouching against the back of the couch. Cool calm and collected. He definitely wasn't and Karkat knew that. He sat back down on the couch gingerly and Dave gave him a slight nod towards his hand, lacing their fingers together as some form of comfort.

Kankri sat in the armchair across from them, giving Dave another cautious look. He was stiff and awkward, Karkat sort of thanked it for the lack of oncoming rant.

“So,” He started, “You want to know about Dad.”

“Yeah that's kinda the whole reason you're here.” Karkat would have added more but Dave squeezed his hand in a warning. Right, don't set off the weirdo.

“So what do you want to know? Don't worry it's not like I’ve told this story hundreds of times already, ask anything.” His voice had an edge to it, it would have freaked him out if it weren't for the dumbass accent.

“Did he ever bring us along to his Jesus speeches?” Karkat thought that was a safe enough topic to bring up first, probably one Kankri hadn't gotten before.

“Oh, yes of course. Why?” It seemed to catch him by surprise, which was a good sign.

“I don't remember any of them.” He shrugged, Kankri looked a tad more annoyed, “I think I remember what the churches looked like though. High ass ceilings, creepy angel statue.”

Kankri nodded, “I was terrified of it too.”

It had a weird mushy face, he remembered being tiny and staring at it for what felt like hours.

“And he doesn't work there anymore?” He asked, half of his brain still occupied by the statue.

“Yes and no.” He made an almost shrug, almost wiggle gesture with his shoulders, “He can't right now.”

“Not holy enough?” Dave grinned, but earned a glare in response. Karkat gave him an amused half smile to make him feel better.

Okay, enough pleasantries, time to get to the big shit.

He took a deep breath, “What did you do after I left? You looked for me, yeah but-”

Kankri froze, about to say something before he rewound and rethought, “Dad was...He was crushed. We both were. Karkat you have no idea what you put us through. We called the police, we put up missing posters, we payed everything we could to get a newspaper ad big enough for people to a actually _notice_.”

Dave was rubbing circles on his hand, squeezing, digging into his skin with his nails. Anything to keep Karkat grounded and not spiralling into his thoughts.

“We never said Grace, we never kneeled in front of our bed with our hands clasped like in those damn cartoons, we never crossed ourselves when presented with anything dangerous, I know you know that. But-”

He paused and untangled his hand from his sweater, “He prayed every single night, Karkat. He prayed and begged for you not to be _dead_.”

“Fuck.” Dave exhaled, Karkat shared a similar sentiment.

“Exactly.” Kankri didn't look put off by his language.

“You…” God what could he possibly ask after that outburst of emotions? He knew he wasn't going to be a little pussy bitch and apologize, he was saving that for his Dad. Sure, he was the one who’d left them to fend for themselves but at least he didn't do it intentionally.

“What?” Kankri asked, very obviously pissed off.

“You keep saying it's complicated.” He shifted his weight to Dave's shoulder, Dave let him, “The current situation.”

“Daduation.” Dave murmured into his ear.

“Complicated is the short and neat of it, yes.”

“So where is he now?” Karkat asked cautiously, sitting forward.

Kankri looked a little uncomfortable, his jaw stiffened and his fist clenched against his thigh until his knuckles turned white. 

“Jail.”

Oh god.

“What happened?” Karkat’s voice was smaller than usual.

 

 _“You’re the preacher’s kid right?”_

 

Go away go away go away.

 

_“What did he do to you?”_

 

Kankri sighed, “He stole money from the church.”

Karkat felt the lump in his throat dissolve and he had to stop himself from gasping for much needed air, “Oh.”

“It wasn’t uncalled for, not entirely.” Kankri threw his hands up in surrender “We were in a bad place financially and he couldn’t find any other option and-”

Dave sent him a look, from behind his shades it probably translated into something of sympathy but to any outsider he looked like he’d seen something mildly interesting on the wall behind Karkat’s head.

“We’d spent everything, there was nothing left to do.” His gaze went cold and he fixed Karkat with a stare, “We’d spent all our money looking for you.”

Karkat squeezed Dave’s hand, Dave squeezed back harder.

“I don’t blame you, obviously.” Kankri sounded a lot like he did blame him, his stomach twinged, “I just think a lot could have been avoided if you stayed with us, stayed at _home_.”

Karkat opened his mouth to say something, but Dave beat him to it, “If Karkat was still with you guys right now I’d probably still be living at my old house.”

Holy shit.

Strider you beautiful genius.

Kankri raised an eyebrow, definitely wanting to pry but not wanting to say it out loud, “Was living at home a problem for you?”

Dave nudged Karkat’s shoulder, Karkat got the message and leaned against him, pushing his weight against his arm, “I had a weird thing with my brother, not really the greatest thing to talk about, y'know?”

Give that bastard a taste of his own guilty medicine.

“Oh, I apologize for bringing it up.” Kankri’s face went all weird, “That was insensitive of me, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Dave waved around his free hand, “Seriously, I’m chill.”

Kankri shook his head, “No, if it’s something you’re uncomfortable talking about I should have picked that up and dropped the question. I’m sorry if I bought back any bad memories or experiences, please know that wasn’t my intention.”

God fucking-

“Kankri it’s fine.” Karkat squeezed Dave’s hand, Dave’s squeeze was less strong.

“Karkat, it’s important to me that people know that I’m not actively going out to try and cause harm. I hope you don’t see me as a threat, Dave.”

God it was weird enough hearing Kankri actually say his boyfriends name, even weirder to see Dave actually feel uncomfortable over it.

“I’m okay.” He said, through gritted teeth “I won’t interrupt question time.”

Karkat leaned heavier on him, he would have just draped himself across his shoulders but Kankri was _there_ and he knew he went weird when he did shit like that around other people.

“If you say so.” Kankri didn’t look like he was done, “Karkat, do you have anything else to ask?”

Karkat thought, “You live alone, right?”

“Correct.”

“What’s happening with Dad’s house?”

Kankri relaxed a little, “Oh, he’s only in jail for a short time, he’s given responsibility to a close friend, possibly relative, we’re unsure at this point. Her name is Dolorosa, we called her Auntie when we were younger.”

“Maryam?” Karkat knew that name, “Rosa Maryam?”

Kankri nodded.

“Like Kanaya? Rose’s gal pal?” Dave looked genuinely interested, he could see his eyes widen from under the shades.

“I’ve heard of Kanaya, yes. I’m assuming then you’ve at least caught mention of Porrim?”

Yeah she used to freak Karkat out when he was younger. The tattoos and piercings intimidated him and he never knew what to do when she was around, she didn’t really seem all that comfortable around younger kids. She loved Kanaya though.

“Yeah, I used to stay with Kanaya’s family all the time.” Karkat’s perception of the world grew a little smaller, “Fuck, I had no idea we knew them.”

“We more than know them.” Kankri sighed, “To put it in blatant terms, until Dad is released, which is very soon by the way, they’re in charge.”

“Right.” Karkat nodded, “Right okay so my brand new aunt’s daughter is dating my boyfriend’s sister.”

“Yes.” Kankri nodded, “You could say that. I guess in which case I could say that our Aunt’s eldest daughter has also been put in charge of me for whatever reason.”

Karkat raised an eyebrow, “You sound angry?”

“I try not to be.” Kankri sighed, “And I try to enjoy her company but-”

Ah, another rant incoming.

“I know you won’t mind my crude language as you obviously have no intention of censoring yourself anytime soon but she’s the fucking town bicycle if I’ve ever seen one.

“I have no idea how they thought that it was even remotely appropriate to put me in her care. She had the gall to talk about the way I dress when she’s going out every night in just enough fabric to cover half a thigh and lipstick thick enough to grease the bottom of a cake tin.

“And not to mention the people she associated with. There was one girl who was almost bearable, I made every attempt to get to know her but each time I was blown off for her waste of space boyfriend. He does nothing but lull around and salivate but somehow she sees some miniscule ray of hope in his absolute sponge cake of a brain.”

Karkat spent a few seconds translating everything, he was about to talk but was interrupted by Kankri again.

“She has so many other things she could be doing but instead she’s stuck saying things like “Oh I’m sorry, Mituna’s not feeling so hot right now I have to go help” and “Tuna has to take a break I need to leave now, bye.”

“Oh fuck no.” Dave said, “Do not tell me you somehow also know Latula and the fucking Captors.”

Kankri visibly deflated, “You know him?”

“I lived with his brother.” Ah, memories.

“I hope you don’t mind my asking, but what was that like? Just as bad?” Kankri leaned forward, the levels of anger were radiating off of him and Karkat didn’t really know what to do.

“It was fine, he wasn’t in a really good place at the time mentally speaking and about halfway through he had to leave to go live with his dads at home so I was left to my own devices.” Karkat shrugged, “It wasn’t his fault though.”

Kankri nodded, “Right. You willingly lived with someone despite the fact that he deserted you which is something you _know_ may set off certain memories or _urges_ -”

They way he said that made his skin crawl, he wasn’t going to run away from his best friend because he kept getting fucking panic attacks and mood swings and-

There were _reasons_ Karkat had left.

Sollux wasn’t any of them.

“Not a very smart decision on your part, huh?” He looked smug as shit, the fucking bastard.

Dave’s blunt ass nails dug into his knuckles, Karkat breathed and bit back whatever insult he was about to send flying.

“It was better than moving between foster parents every other business day, you so much as cough wrong and they’re breathing down your neck and waiting to send you off to anger management or counseling or therapy.”

“And yet,” Kankri leaned back, considering, “You’re completely okay with your boyfriend taking your phone? Going through your personal property and taking a number he may have not been certain was genuine and messaging it himself? Does that not seem like he’s ‘breathing down your neck’ Karkat?”

Dave’s hand loosened. Shit.

“No. No you don’t get the right to start talking about Dave like that.” Karkat sat forward, he would have snarled if it didn’t make him look like a dumb idiot, “I can deal with you saying shit about me but you do not get to drag anyone else into your bullshit.”

“I’m just saying it’s hypocritical to get annoyed at people trying to help you and then go and excuse the person you’re meant to trust for doing the same thing. Have you heard the way he talks about you?”

Dave’s weight was gone from under his shoulder, he was tense and quiet and Karkat would have been certain he was ignoring them if it weren’t for the fact that his jaw was clenching.

Karkat squeezed, he didn’t get anything back.

“I have and I can promise you that it’s going to be ten times better than anything you’ve said to me directly. Shut the fuck up and back off.”

Kankri’s face fell, he wasn’t teasing anymore, “I’m trying to protect you Karkat. I wouldn’t expect you to care, obviously that’s something else you’re going to end up “forgetting about” and blaming on your memory, isn’t it? But I care, Karkat. As much as it’s pointless to say as it’s most likely falling on deaf ears and as much as it probably pains you to hear it, I care about you and I don’t want you to be stuck in a situation you can’t get out of, okay? I don’t want you to be trapped in a relationship that can easily be on headed towards abusive.”

Before Karkat could register, Dave was gone. Kankri watched him for a moment before turning back and mumbling “And what does that tell you?”

Breathe.

Breathe in, hold, breathe out, hold.

Make a square with your breath, algebra that shit.

_Algebra is triangles, Dave._

“What is wrong with you?” Karkat fought to keep his voice level, “What the hell got screwed in your head to make you think you can-”

“Karkat.”

No.

“Get out of my fucking house.” Karkat stood, towering over him.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realise. I didn’t know.” Kankri’s eyes were wide and pathetic and Karkat wanted him _gone_.

“Kankri.” He said again, slower “Get out.”

“Please-”

_Babe, you really need to work on those volume levels, you have the inside voice of a jackhammer._

“Out or I swear to christ I will call someone up here.” 

Kankri backed up until he realised there was nowhere but chair to go, he scuttled out from Karkat’s gaze and towards the door.

“And stop fucking messaging me.” Karkat didn’t bother looking up, he heart the door slam and the angry footprints down the hallway.

He stayed where he was, ignoring the fact that he could hear tears pattering onto the carpet.

He had better things to think about.

Like-

Oh fuck.

Like Dave.

Karkat swallowed heavily and moved, with some effort. He made his way towards the bedroom door, halting when he didn’t hear anything.  
“Dave?” He asked, hand pressed to the closed door.

He breathed in and pushed, opening the door carefully.

 

Dave Strider had suddenly found himself right in the middle of something he wouldn’t even try to understand. Family feuds were never his forte.

Karkat was silently fuming beside him, his fingernails digging into the skin of his hand. He would have stayed there with him, held him closer and soothed his shoulders until he calmed down enough to go back to speaking normally and unclench his jaw.

Except he had to leave. He had to go or he was going to break something.

And he had been going so, so well. He had a fucking record now, Karkat congratulated him when he broke it that was how much he fucking cared and he didn’t want to slip up again.

And so he stood up, ignoring Kankri’s off put face or whatever he whispered to Karkat once he thought he was out of earshot.

He didn’t slam the door but he kicked his foot against the ground once he was in the safety of their room.

He bit his sleeve to keep from screaming something, he didn’t know what yet but he knew that Kankri would find it horrifying. 

Fuck fuck _fuck._

He looked around for something to do, to keep his hands busy and his mind off of strangling Karkat’s brother. Something non destructive and quiet, so that Karkat wouldn’t come running after him when Kankri left and make his guilt sink through the floor.

Bingo.

John was online.

Granted, Rose might have been better but he really didn’t have many options.

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering  ectoBiologist [EB]

CG: john help me im begging you do not start spurting dumb shit   
EB: oh hey karkat! you’re missing your usual crushing, angst filled, eye bleeding caps. what’s wrong?   
CG: its dave not karkat im stealing his computer   
EB: oh that makes more sense.   
EB: but why? isn’t yours in the lounge room?   
CG: room currently occupied by karkat and karkats brother   
CG: who im avoiding   
EB: karkat has a brother?!?   
CG: yeah an egotistical prick with a white knight complex i swear to actual god if i have to listen to another one of his fucking rants   
CG: i dont know what ill do   
CG: ill flip my shit something special thats what ill do   
EB: dude that fucking sucks.   
CG: god you dont even know the half of it   
CG: im about ready to blow this shit sky high   
CG: him fucking included   
EB: jesus dave you’re making it sound like he just stabbed your cat and made you watch do you need to get out of the war zone?   
CG: no i   
CG: fuck   
CG: i cant leave karkat with him what kind of fucked up boyfriend would i be then?   
EB: dad can drive you seriously it’s fine. 

Dave pushed the heels of his palms into his eyes, clenched his teeth and held back whatever pathetic, desperate noise was going to spill. It ended up sounding like a long, drawn out wheeze. His hands shook.

He didn’t even register what he was typing, he just scrunched his eyes closed and tried not to cry onto Karkat’s fucking keyboard.

CG: no fuck i cant tdrag you into this too jesis s christ    
CG: he knew what ehe was saying i fuckiging know    
CG: because you can tell    
CG: you can always fucking tell    
EB: i have no idea what you’re saying dave fucking christ breathe don’t hyperventilate and collapse onto your boy friend’s computer that’s not romantic that’s just sad. 

John wasn’t catching on and part of Dave was almost happy for it. Enduring Egbert questioning was almost as bad as Rose’s fucking crypto-psychology.

EB: fuck shit i have to go.   
EB: just...breathe and don’t die goddam.   
ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering  carcinoGeneticist [CG]  
CG: shit 

Dave stared at the screen for a good few seconds before kicking back, pushing himself into the middle of the room and gripping the armrests on the chair so hard it hurt, then further.

He knew what he was saying, he knew because he was the catalyst for half of their bullshit.

Karkat and his fear of being alone, with needing to be heard, with craving stability.

Kankri knew what he was saying and he fucking reveled in it.

There was always food in the cupboard but he still caught himself with packets of chips under the bed, still found himself shaking at the sight of blood, still needing to hear where everyone in the house was at once. Fuck, he couldn’t even take the shortcut home because the noises of the construction made him freeze up and his knees give out.

You could tell.

You could always.

Fucking.

Tell.

 

He was jolted by a knock at the door, he gathered himself as much as he could before it opened.

“Dave?” Karkat asked, strangled and quiet.

And fuck, that alone sent Dave plummeting.

“Babe look,” he began, yanking his hands away from the arm rests before Karkat noticed, “I’m so fucking sorry I-”

Should have stayed, should have stood up for him, should have-

“You didn't do anything wrong.” Karkat mumbled, still from the doorway, “Sorry for dragging you into that.”

It was meant to be comforting, but it tore a sad, apologetic noise from deep in his throat.

“I'm sorry for making you sit through that, and shit I’m sorry to myself for inviting him over.” He rubbed the back of his neck, “so many boundaries were just crossed.”

He took a step inside, cautious. 

Fuck he was doing it again. He was treating him like he was fragile, like he'd break if he just so happened to breathe wrong. He wasn't going to, he'd dealt with shit worse than this before, he wasn't going to fucking _crumble_.

He sat up straight to prove his point and Karkat almost flinched. Fuck.

“He’s gone now though.” Karkat said gently, leaning over the back of the chair, “Scampered out with his tail between his fucking legs.”

“How many veins you have to burst to get that to happen?” Dave leaned back slowly, like how one approaches an anxious animal or large, overbearing danger.

Karkat laughed shallowly.

Fuck. Not the right time for humour.

He was reminded of Dirk's old, shitty dating sims. The kind of ones with four frames of art and dialogue as bland as the cereal at the bottom of the box. You had to choose the right words, the appropriate roads to take to get the outcome you wanted.

Right, so the best way to go for this scenario would be…

“I take it he’s probably not going to be back anytime soon, right?” Sympathise with him, let him feel more comfortable.

“Nah, not after I chewed him out.” Karkat sighed and went limp against him, his cheek squishing against his head.

“Broke his heart?” Dave loosened too, getting as much stress as he could out of his shoulders. Shit had he been that tense the whole time?

“To pieces.” Karkat agreed.

They stayed quiet for a little while, it only came to Dave's attention that Karkat could read what he’d said to John when he reached over his shoulders and started typing.

He would have payed attention to what he typed but it made his anxiety swirl. Instead he closed his eyes and turned his head so it was buried in the cushioning of the chair.

“John says he's sorry for not being able to help more.” Karkat mumbled into his hair.

“Shit I-” Dave felt his throat tighten.

“I said we're okay now and that I’m helping calm everything down.” 

God no, that shouldn't be his job. That's what they were working on, Dave's emotional outlets and Karkat's habit of placing himself back into the position of the mediator.

“But you're fucked too.” Wrong choice of words but the message was still there.

Karkat gave him a concerned lopsided smile, “I’m not the one cry-typing to my friends.”

But Karkat's face fell when his brain caught up with his mouth.

“Fuck, sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

One step forward, two steps backwards. Back to square one.

Dave frowned and thought back to dating sims. What was it you had to do when you fucked up? Positive-negative-reassurance-positive.

“I know, it's okay.” Dave mumbled back, “If you want we can drop this whole thing for a bit until we’re more coherent.”

Strider, you're a fucking genius.

We’re, not you’re. Important detail. At that Karkat’s entire body went limp, the stress easing out of his face and his muscles, “Thank God.”

They stayed like for a moment more, Dave ignoring his shaky hands and Karkat’s heavy breathing in favour of just sitting. He was only jolted when Karkat looked up, inspecting the computer screen. He lifted his head and mumbled, very apologetically, “Can I have my computer back?”

Dave nodded and slid out from the chair.

The lounge room had his computer and his computer would be really fucking useful right now but that fucking armchair was putting off some bad juju. Probably.

He scuttled out anyway, wrapping his arms around himself. He slid onto his own chair, looking through who was online.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]

TG: distract me    
TT: From what?    
TG: oh you know    
TG: emotions and the crushing sense of doom and sucky family    
TG: the usual    
TT: Right.    
TT: And you want me to distract you rather than trying to help?    
TG: theres not much helping you can be doing    
TG: im a lost cause bro    
TG: actually wait no    
TG: pal    
TG: friend    
TG: brother dearest    
TG: no thats fucking dumb    
TT: I finished Roxy’s furby, it speaks only in Spanish now and will occasionally curse you out so that’s pretty fucking sick.    
TG: coolio    
TT: And John’s trying to get me to watch some shitty old movie but it’s whatever because you know I’ll be shoving Scott Pilgrim down his throat soon enough because that is a fucking cinematic masterpiece.    
TG: thats not the only thing you want to shove down his throat    
TG: ew fuck wait    
TT: You’re emotional. Shut the fuck up.    
TG: whatever kung fu pandas better anyway    
TG: hey so speaking of emotions i know i said i was a lost cause and that helping my poor desperate self was not going to do anything at all but can i make one last feigning attempt?    
TT: Be my guest.    
TG: cool    
TG: i dont want to be like him    
TT: You’re not.    
TG: i know but    
TG: im always so fucking scared    
TT: Yeah, to be real fucking honest I am too.    
TG: why?    
TG: you didnt even know him    
TT: But that shit runs in the family. Take Rox for example.    
TG: and rose    
TT: Yeah. Hats off to us for having such shit genetics I fucking guess?    
TG: woohoo    
TT: Prepare yourself I’m about to get really fucking sappy for a second.    
TG: my seatbelt is on and the tray table is in the upright position    
TT: You’re nothing like him, that much is pretty fucking obvious. If this is Karkat you’re worried about, you really don’t have to. He loves you so much and you can tell just by looking and I know for sure he'd whip you back into ship fucking shape if you ever did anything, he can handle himself bro. God if you’re still scared you know I’d beat your ass if you ever got like that right? And probably send you to a therapist. We’re all looking out for you, yeah?    
TT: That felt weird, I’m normal again, being emotionally open is overrated.    
TG: well in the spirit of exiting the emotional comfort zone    
TG: i love you    
TT: I love you too.    
TG: blugh ew gross youre right this is the worst    
TT: Yep.    
TG: okay well im feeling thoroughly healed i better go see how karkats doing    
TT: Say hi for me.    
TG: can do    
TG: bye    
TT: See ya. 

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]

Dave nodded and swung around in his chair, picking at his fingernails. He heard Karkat shuffling around in their room and decided to stay put. Space was important, space was a good thing. Also confrontation was fucking scary.

 

Gamzee was online.

If Karkat was lucky, Gamzee would come online regularly, or somehow magically whenever he needed him.

If he wasn’t, Gamzee would be out doing some sort of soul searching that ended up with half his hair missing or his legs and arms shaved.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering  terminallyCapricious [TC]

TC: MoThErFuCk.   
TC: fAnCy sEeInG YoU HeRe bRo.   
CG: THE FUCK YOU MEAN *FANCY?*   
CG: YOU’RE THE ONE ONLINE FOR ONCE IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE.   
TC: CaN’t a bRo gEt hIs aLl uP AnD MoThErFuCkInG ChIlL On?   
TC: I'Ve mIsSeD YoU BrOtHeR.   
CG: NO FUCKING STOP. DON’T GO PULLING THAT SHIT NOW.   
CG: NOT AFTER YOU WERE THE ONE WHO FUCKING ABANDONED EVERYONE ON YOUR OWN GODDAMN ACCORD.  
CG: AGAIN.   
TC: YoU KnOw hOw i gEt sOmEtImEs.   
TC: AlL FuCkInG LoNeLy aNd sPaCeY AnD ShIt.   
CG: YOU’RE ALWAYS SPACEY.   
CG: AND YOU’RE LONELY BECAUSE YOU KEEP.   
CG: FUCKING.   
CG: LEAVING.   
TC: DoN'T Go aLl yElLiNg uP In mY MoThErFuCkInG EaRs bRo.   
CG: YOU FUCKTASTIC SHIT PRINCESS WE ARE NOT FUCKING DOING THIS WE WERE NEVER FUCKING DOING THIS.   
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering  terminallyCapricious [TC]  
TC: WaIt bRo dOn't gO AnD LeAvE Me hAnGiNg lIkE ThAt. 

 

No he was leaving it hanging. He had seen it, declared fuck it and decided he wouldn’t fucking touch it with a twenty metre poll.

Except...

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering  terminallyCapricious [TC]

CG: ONLY IF YOU’RE ACTUALLY GOING TO LISTEN TO ME.    
TC: Of cOuRsE BrO. 

 

Okay. Karkat clenched his teeth and bit the fucking bullet.

 

CG: OKAY.    
CG: FUCK OKAY.    
CG: DO YOU EVER VISIT YOUR DAD?    
TC: Of cOuRsE I Do bRo, WhEnEvEr mE AnD LoZ CaN.    
TC: WhAt's aLl uP AnD TwIsTiNg yOuR ShIt aBoUt tHaT MoThErFuCkInG ToPiC ThOuGh?    
CG: I LITERALLY JUST FOUND OUT MY DAD’S IN JAIL AND I WAS WONDERING HOW I COULD SEE HIM.    
CG: OR...IF.    
TC: FuCk nO WaY! dO YoU ThInK ThEy'd eVeR SeEn eAcH OtHeR? bEeN MoThErFuCkIn sLaMmEr bRoS? i mEaN, dAdS bEeN MoVeD ArOuNd a lOt sO He's pRoBaBlY At lEaSt hEaRd oF HiM RiGhT? 

He...Kind of hoped not. He hadn’t seen much of Gamzee’s family, no one had really. He’d seen Kurloz once, the one time he’d stepped out of his room when anyone was around. He was tall and quiet and listened to his music loud enough to make the windows rattle and he smelled like weed. The whole house smelled like weed but Kurloz especially. Gamzee seemed to have taken a liking to him though so Karkat guessed there must have been something admirable about him, ignoring his creepy staring and ever constant fiddling. And judging from the anger issues they were both nursing (which explained the fucking weed), he was going to guess that whatever their dad did was worse than stealing donation money.

CG: YEAH I DON’T THINK SO.    
CG: WHAT’S IT LIKE THOUGH? LIKE, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS?    
TC: Oh wElL FiRsT Of aLl yOu gOtTa tElL ‘Em yOu'rE CoMiNg, SeNd ‘eM A LiTtLe nOtE Or wHaTeVeR ThE FuCk i'm nEvEr tHe oNe wHo dOeS ThAt.    
TC: kUrLoZ hAs gOt tHaT sHiT cOvErEd, nOt mE.    
TC: ThEn yOu gOtTa wAiT FoR ‘Em tO AlL Up aNd gEt tHeIr sHiT ToGeThEr sO ThEy cAn aDd YoU To tHe gUeSt lIsT.    
TC: Me aNd lOz ArE ThE OnLy gUyS WhO ReAlLy wAnT To sEe hIm sO ThErE'S NeVeR AnY MaJoR PrObLeMs wItH ThAt.    
CG: HOW LONG DOES THAT TAKE?    
TC: FeW MoNtHs i tHiNk?    
TC: A LoNg mOtHeRfUcKiNg wHiLe tHaT'S AlL I KnOw. 

Fuck. Well there goes that idea.

TC: ThEn wHeN YoU GeT ThErE ThEy aLl uP AnD PoLiCe yOuR ShIt aNd wHaT YoU'Re wEaRiNg.   
TC: KuRlOz nEaRlY CoUlDn't cOmE In oNcE BeCaUsE YoU CoUlD SeE AlL HiS MoThErFuCkInG SiCk tAtToOs.   
TC: AnD YoU GoTtA Go tHrOuGh tHoSe tHiNgS ThEy hAvE At aIrPoRtS WiTh tHe bEePiNg tHaT HuRtS My eArS.   
TC: AnD WhEn yOu gEt tHeRe yOu cAn't eVeN HuG Or gEt aLl eMoTiOnAl aNd sHiT.   
TC: GoTtA KeEp eVeRyThInG NiCe aNd mOtHeRfUcKiNg pRoFeSsIoNaL I ThInK.   
CG: WHAT THE FUCK? SERIOUSLY?   
TC: SuRe aS FuCk bRoThEr.   
CG: JESUS CHRIST THATS…   
CG: WOW OKAY SO THAT’S THAT IDEA GONE.   
TC: Aw sHiT BrO YoU OkAy?   
CG: NO NOT FUCKING REALLY.   
TC: Do yOu wAnNa gEt yOuR FeElS JaM On? GeT AlL MoThErFuCkInG EmOtIoNaL? i'm rEaDy tO LiStEn bRo.   
CG: NO.   
TC: Aw cOmE On i cArE AbOuT YoU. i dOn't wAnT YoU To sIt aNd sTeW In tHiS FoReVeR.   
TC: YoU AiN'T BoIlEd pOtAtOeS.   
CG: SIGH.   
CG: FUCKING SIGH.   
TC: YoU ReAdY?   
CG: SURE FINE WHATEVER.   
CG: IT WAS MY FAULT WASN’T IT?   
TC: WhAt wAs?   
CG: OH MY FUCKING GOD NEVERMIND I KNEW THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.   
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering  terminallyCapricious [TC]  
TC: WaIt kAt I DoN'T ThInK He'd tHiNk iT WaS YoUr fAuLt.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering  terminallyCapricious [TC]

CG: WOW WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT NICKNAME COME FROM?    
TC: I JuSt tHoUgHt oF It.    
CG: OKAY FINE BACK ON TOPIC.    
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?    
TC: He wOuLd't bLaMe yOu fOr iT.    
CG: BUT I WAS THE REASON WHY THEY DIDN’T HAVE ANYTHING, IT WAS MY FAULT.    
TC: YoU WeRe sMaLl wErEn't yOu? YoU CoUlDn't hAvE KnOwN ThAt wAs gOnNa mOtHeRfUcKiNg hApPeN.    
CG: THAT DOESN’T MEAN I...    
CG: WHATEVER.    
CG: IT DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER I’M A PIECE OF HUMAN SHIT IT’S FINE.    
TC: NaH I AiN'T GoNnA LeT YoU Go aNd tAlK AbOuT YoUrSeLf lIkE ThAt.    
CG: THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?    
TC: I'M GoInG To gO On aNd oN AbOuT HoW MoThErFuCkInG GrEaT YoU ArE UnTiL YoU BlOcK Me.    
TC: BeCaUsE I KnOw yOu hAtE ThAt sHiT.    
CG: WILL YOU STOP IF I KEEP ON WALLOWING IN MY PATHETIC FUCKING SOAP OPERA LIFE?    
TC: Go aHeAd bRo.    
CG: I FUCKED UP REAL BAD.    
CG: I WAS SO FUCKING STUPID AND NOW EVERYTHING’S MY FAULT.    
TC: WhAt aBoUt dAvE?    
CG: WHAT ABOUT DAVE?    
TC: YoU HeLpEd hIm a wHoLe mOtHeRfUcKiNg lOt rIgHt?    
TC: WiTh hOuSeS AnD ShIt.    
CG: WELL YEAH BUT THAT’S JUST BECAUSE WE BOTH NEEDED A PLACE TO STAY AND I KNEW HIM AND I COULDN’T JUST *LEAVE* HIM I’M NOT THAT FUCKING HEARTLESS.    
CG: ACTUALLY YOU KNOW WHAT?    
CG: I’VE DECIDED THAT THAT’S OFF TOPIC AND WE SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT THAT.    
TC: HeY KaRkAt gUeSs wHaT?    
CG: WHAT?    
TC: I CaRe aBoUt yOu.    
CG: BECAUSE YOU’RE HIGH OF YOUR ASS ALL THE TIME AND CAN’T TELL WHAT’S A GOOD DECISION OR NOT.    
TC: So mAnY PeOpLe cArE BrOtHeR.    
TC: AnD No oNe hOlDs aNy mOtHeRfUcKiNg tHiNg aGaInSt yOu.    
CG: SHUT UP.    
TC: AiGhT.    
TC: I GoTtA Go aNyWaY, i hAvE SoMe wIcKeD ShIt pLaNnEd oUt wItH Me aNd lOz iT'S GoInG To bE CoOl aS FuCk.    
CG: THANK GOD.    
CG: BYE.    
TC: ByEyA KaRbRo. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering  terminallyCapricious [TC]

Karkat grimaced and closed pesterchum finally. He sat up and walked around another circle, stuffing his hands in his pockets and thinking. Wow as if there wasn’t enough thinking happening already.

He finally decided that he was going to go find Dave, since Dave would never actually seek out emotional reassurance himself because for some reason he was convinced that everyone else needed enough space to fill a god damn swimming pool.

He opened the door, walked into the lounge room and waved at Dave, who was sitting on his computer chair with his knees pulled in, staring at the ground.

“Hey.” He said, like an idiot.

“Hey.” Dave answered.

Karkat opened his arms and Dave looked up, hesitating for a second before sliding out of his chair and falling against him. They both sighed and Karkat rubbed circles on Dave’s back and Dave sniffled.

“Well that could have gone better.” He mumbled, fiddling with the end of Karkat’s shirt.

He nodded and said “Yeah.”

“Our lives are shit.” Dave mumbled again.

“Yeah.”

Slowly Dave brought his hands to hang around Karkat's waist.

“What are we going to do now?” 

Karkat shrugged helplessly “I don't know.”

Dave dragged then back to the couch and he curled against his side. Karkat ran his fingers through his hair.

“I talked to Gamzee.” 

Dave looked up and furrowed his eyebrows, “He's the tall one right?”

“With the hair, yeah.” Karkat nodded, “You know about his dad right?”

Dave nodded and his gaze drifted to the floor, “I talked to Dirk.”

“Did he help?” Did the whole conversation end up about like, sexy robots or something? That was his thing right?

“Yeah,” Dave shrugged, “My genetics are shit.”

Karkat smiled a little, “First the redhead gene and now hereditary issues?”

Dave whined and ran a hand down his face dramatically, “God I'm the worst. I'm fucked, I'm the step back in evolution.”

“And the complicated family and terrible music taste.” 

Dave whined louder, “What happened?”

Karkat laughed and Dave hugged him tighter.

“Feeling better?” He asked.

“Not really.” Karkat shrugged.

“Me neither. I’m going to snooze on your arm if that’s chill with you?” He settled himself down, not even waiting to see Karkat’s answer.

Whatever, he was going to say yes anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does not proof reading the most important chapter count as a power move?
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter is 26 pages on docs I am in _pain_


	8. Memo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote most of this before I got halfway through the second chapter and I have zero patience so here's an early update just for yalls
> 
> _the next chapter might take a little longer ://_

carcinoGeneticist [CG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board Weiner Weiner Chicken Deiner

CG: JUST SO WE’RE CLEAR.

CG: WHO THE FUCK HERE KNEW ABOUT MY DAD? 

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] responded to memo 

GA: I Knew To Some Extent Yes Though I Did Not Feel As If It Were My Place To Discuss It

CG: MMHMM COOL ALRIGHT UHHUH.

CG: ANYONE ELSE?

twinArmageddons [TA] responded to memo 

TA: ii mean ii heard from my dad. 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] responded to memo 

GC: WH1CH ON3? 

TA: okay fun nevermiind iim leaviing ii hate you all goodbye. 

CG: GEE SOLLUX! HOW COME YOUR MOM LETS YOU HAVE *TWO* DADS? 

TA: plea2e ii beg of you 2hut the fuck up. 

TA: do you really want me two an2wer no 2kiin2?  


CG: OH SHIT YEAH THAT BACKFIRED. 

TA: and thii2 ii2 the day kk learn2 the true rea2on of thiinkiing before he 2peak2. 

GC: DO3S TH1S COUNT 4S 4N 4PPROPR14T3 OH SN4P MOM3NT? 

GC: B3C4US3 1 H4V3 OH SN4PS 4T TH3 R34DY 

CG: NO BUT THIS DOES COUNT AS AN APPROPRIATE RANDOM AND INTENSE QUESTIONING MOMENT. 

CG: YOU KNOW SHIT ABOUT THE LAW, DID YOU KNOW ABOUT MY DAD? 

GC: NO NOT 4LL OF US KNOW 3V3RYTH1NG 4BOUT 34CH OTH3R J3SUS K4RK4T W4Y TO B3 L4WY3R1ST 

CG: YOU’RE NOT EVEN A REAL LAWYER. 

GC: WOW YOU JUST HURT MY F33L1NGS 4 L1TTL3 TH3R3 HOW COULD YOU? 

CG: COOL NICE NOT DEALING WITH THAT BULLSHIT. KANAYA WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME ANYTHING? LIKE AT ALL? 

GA: I Didnt Know The Full Extent Of Everything I Just Knew Your Father Was In Jail And Porrim And Mom Were The Ones Taking Care Of Finances 

GA: I Dont Live At Home Remember 

CG: YADA YADA YADA YOU’RE NOT INVOLVED WITH FAMILY PROBLEMS BLAH BLAH BLAH YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST, I DON’T KNOW, *MENTIONED* IT? 

CG: LIKE Oh Nice Weather We Have Today Karkat Also By The Way Your Dad Has Been Imprisoned For Theft And Disgrace To The Church OR SOMETHING ALONG THOSE LINES? 

TA: oh my fuckiing god dont tell me kankrii ha2 2hiit two do wiith the maryam2 two. 

CG: I SHARE A SIMILAR SENTIMENT. 

caligulasAquarium [CA] responded to memo 

CA: my dad kneww about it if that helps 

CA: thought you kneww already and wwere wweirdly morbidly fine wwith it 

CG: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST LOOK EVERYONE IT’S A FUCKING PARTY UP IN HERE. 

CG: I KNOW YOUR DAD KNEW ABOUT IT NOW BECAUSE YOUR FUCKING BROTHER/COUSIN/RELATIVE COCKFACE WAS BUGGING ME ABOUT IT. 

CG: YEAH SURE I WAS LIKE EIGHT OR WHATEVER AND HE WAS THE SIZE OF A SMALL SPINDLY RODENT BUT STILL. 

CA: wwhat the fuck are you talking about 

GC: 1 4GR33 W1TH BLOWF1SH 

GC: W3 D3M4ND 4N 3XPL1N4T1ON! 

CG: I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHATEVER YOU SAY THAT IS NOT SOMETHING I’M BRINGING UP. 

CG: NOT HERE. 

CG: NOT FUCKING ANYWHERE. 

CA: you sound defensivve 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] BLOCKED caligulasAquarium [CA]

CG: ALRIGHT ANYONE ELSE WANT TO SHARE?

GA: As Much As I Dislike Him Eridan Is Right Are You Sure You Dont Want To Talk About This 

CG: OH LOOK MY CURSOR IS HOVERING DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO THE BLOCK BUTTON. 

CG: WOULDN’T IT BE A SHAME IF I JUST...

CG: SLIPPED? 

GC: W3 4LL KNOW YOUR3 NOT GO1NG TO DO 1T YOUR3 TOO W34K 

TA: pu22y. 

GC: 4ND YOUR3 D1GG1NG TH1S 3MOT1ON4L R3L34S3 

CG: I WILL BLOCK ALL OF YOU AND TALK TO MYSELF LIKE I’M IN SOME SAD, SAD PSYCHIATRIC WARD. 

CG: WHICH IS WHERE I’M GOING TO END UP IF THIS PERSISTS. 

GA: We Want To Help You Karkat 

CG: YOU HAVE A VERY ROUNDABOUT WAY OF DOING IT LET ME TELL YOU THAT. 

GC: WH4T TH3 FUCK 3V3N H4PP3N3D W1TH YOUR D4D 4NYW4Y? 

GC: 1 S41D 1 D1DNT KNOW 4NYTH1NG 1F YOU C4N R3C4LL TO TWO S3CONDS 4GO 

TA: holy je2u2 tz way two ju2t drop that 2hiit. 

GC: WH4T? H3S TRUST3D M3 W1TH SO MUCH WORS3 

CG: WOW THAT TOTALLY WASN’T SUSPICIOUS AT ALL GOOD JOB. 

CG: AND IF YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT DESPERATELY HE’S IN JAIL. 

GC: FUCK 

GC: Y34H OK4Y TH4TS PR3TTY B4D 

CG: HE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING BAD OR WHATEVER HE JUST STOLE MONEY OR SOMETHING I DON’T KNOW THE FULL STORY. 

TA: ii2nt that 2omethiing churche2 have iin abundance though? 

TA: empha2ii2e on the 2hiit ton? 

GC: 1TS ST1LL TH3FT DUMB4SS 

GA: And Given The Fact That He Already Had A Shaky At Best Relationship With The Church At The Time I Doubt It Was Something They Were Going To Take Lightly To 

GA: Mom Did Mention That He Was Getting Released Soon Though If You Wanted To See Him You Could Absolutely Arrange To Be The One To Collect Him 

CG: I DON’T KNOW I TALKED TO GAMZEE ABOUT IT AND EVEN VISITING SOMEONE TAKES MONTHS OF FUCKING FIDDLING SO I DON’T THINK I’D HAVE THE TIME OR ENERGY. 

GC: YOUD B3 SURPR1S3D

GC: 4LL YOU H4V3 TO DO 1S L1K3 S3ND TH3M 4N 3M41L OR WH4T3V3R S4Y1NG YOUR3 TH3 ON3 WHOS GO1NG TO DO TH3 P1CK1NG UP1NG 4ND YOU KNOW TH3 GUY 4ND YOUR NOT H3R3 TO BR34K MOR3 L4WS 4ND G1V3 TH3 MUSCLY PR1SON BOUNC3RS SOM3 1D 4T TH3 DOOR 4ND YOUR3 GOOD TO GO 

CG: ISN’T THAT KIND OF 

CG: ABRUPT? 

GA: What Do You Mean? 

CG: I HAVEN’T SEEN HIM SINCE I WAS A LITERAL CHILD AND SUDDENLY I’M PICKING HIM UP FROM JAIL? 

CG: DOESN’T THAT WAVE ANY RED FLAGS TO YOU? 

TA: do you even know how two driive? 

CG: NO. 

CG: FUCK DAVE WOULD HAVE TO DRIVE ME. 

CG: FUCKING SURE I’LL JUST ROLL UP AND PICK UP MY RELIGIOUS DAD WITH MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND IN THE FRONT SEAT THIS IS A WONDERFUL IDEA. 

GA: I Dont Think Hed Have A Problem With It 

CG: WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT? 

GA: He Knew About Porrims Relationships And I Dont Believe He Ever Thought Anything Bad About It 

CG: ...RIGHT 

CG: I DON’T KNOW IT JUST SOUNDS SO MANY LAYERS OF SKETCHY. 

GA: Would It Make Your Decision Easier If I Told You That If You Dont Come Itll Be Either Mom Or Porrim Picking Him Up? 

CG: WHY NOT KANKRI? 

GA: Hes Busy 

GC: 4ND 1F K4NKR1S BL4BB3R3D SOM3 BULLSH1T 4BOUT YOUR SUDD3N R34PP34R4NC3 1N TH3 L4ST W33K H3D KNOW 4BOUT 1T 

GC: 4ND 1M GO1NG TO GU3SS TH3R3S 4 99.99% CH4NC3 H3 H4S 

GA: So It May Not Be As Sudden As You Think 

CG: YEAH JUST A WEEK. 

CG: WOW HOW THOUGHTFUL OF ME. 

CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO I EVEN DO ANYWAY? TURN UP TO FUCKING JAIL LIKE “HI IT’S YOUR SON YOU PROBABLY DON’T EVEN REMEMBER ME LIKE AT ALL LET’S BE REAL YOU PROBABLY THOUGHT I WAS DEAD HAHAHAHA LET ME WRIGGLE MY DISGUSTING, UNGRATEFUL ASS BACK INTO YOUR LIFE PLEASE?” 

TA: wow fuck dude there2 2ome deep, buriied emotiional ii22ue2 there ii can tell. 

CG: WOULD YOU BELIEVE ME IF I SAID I FORGOT THIS WAS A GROUP CHAT? 

GC: NO 

CG: COOL. 

GA: You Dont Think Being There For Him Would Be The First Step To Showing Him That You Actually Want To Make An Effort To Be A Part Of Your Family Again? 

CG: THAT’S THE THING THOUGH. 

TA: you dont want two have a tear jerkiing b grade 2ummer fliick 2tyle reuniion wiith your dad? 

CG: NOT IF HE’S ANYTHING LIKE KANKRI. 

GC: H3H3H3 SH1T WH4T D1D K4NKR1 DO TH1S T1M3? 

GC: 4NYTH1NG L1K3 3V3RY OTH3R FUCK1NG T1M3?  


CG: IT’S NOTHING HE WAS JUST BEING AN ASS IT’S FINE. 

CG: EXCEPT NO IT’S NOT FINE BUT I DON’T REALLY WANT TO/THINK I SHOULD BE TALKING ABOUT IT. 

GA: Im Curious 

GC: Y34H S4Y1NG SH1T L1K3 TH4T JUST M4K3S M3 W4NT TO KNOW 3V3N MOR3 TH4TS L1K3 B4S1C KNOWL3DG3 4T TH1S PO1NT 

CG: HE JUST... 

CG: GOD FUCK NO IF DAVE’S NOT FINE WITH ME RECITING EVERY FUCKING THING THAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY I’LL FEEL LIKE SHIT. 

TA: boundariie2? 

CG: KINDA. 

GA: Its Hard To Assess Issues If You Dont Know What It Is Thats Bothering A Person 

GA: You Dont Have To Be Specific I Just Want To Know If Its Possible To Ease Any Anxieties You May Have 

CG: HE JUST SAID SOME SHIT. 

CG: SOME REALLY FUCKING NASTY SHIT TO ME AND DAVE. 

GC: OF TH3 HOMOPHOB1C 4SSHOL3 K1ND? 

CG: NO THE INSENSITIVE DICKWAD KIND. 

GA: And Youre Worried This Might Happen Again? 

CG: PRETTY FUCKING MUCH. 

CG: AND I REALLY DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF HE PULLS THAT SHIT WHILE WE’RE ALL TRAPPED IN A TINY, SHITTY CAR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING ROAD WITH NOWHERE TO GO. 

GC: SH1T 1S D4V3 OK4Y? 

CG: HE IS NOW. 

CG: HOPEFULLY. 

turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo 

TG: yeah im good 

GC: H3Y D4V3! 

CG: SHIT HI FUCK SORRY. 

TG: about what? 

TG: oooooooohhhh wait shit yeah no im chill kankris an ass who says shit out of his ass we all know this its fine 

TG: hi tez 

GA: Well Now That Youre Here And Given The Fact That Youre Most Likely Reading Though Our Past Conversation What Are Your Thoughts On The Idea? 

TG: of picking up karkats dad? 

TG: i mean yeah sure if i have time 

TG: i dont know i think the asshole stuff was just kankri 

CG: BUT WHERE WOULD HE HAVE PICKED IT UP FROM? 

TG: itll be fine babe dont worry 

TA: aww that2 2o 2weet iim gaggiing all over my computer. 

GC: YOU GUYS 4R3 SO FUCK1NG CUT3 1TS F1LL1NG M3 W1TH R4G3 4CTU4LLY 

TA: you know there2 a rea2on why that happen2. 

TG: did you learn that from aradia because i learnt it from aradia 

TA: yeah actually 2he2 been doiing weiird p2ychology 2hiit and wanted two drag me iintwo iit and now that2 all my braiin ii2 taken up wiith. 

TA: apparently you can tell why 2omeone2 cryiing from the eye the tear fall2 from, ii dont beliieve that 2hiit but iit2 2ciience now ii gue22. 

TG: of course shed be looking into the depressing morbid stuff 

TA: obviiou2ly. 

GC: OH MY FUCK1NG GOD TH1S 1S TH3 MOST OFF TOP1C 4 P3RSON COULD G3T SHUT UP 4BOUT YOUR CR33PY GHOST G1RLFR13ND FOR 4 S3C 

TA: ii thiink thii2 ii2 what you call a po2iitiive dii2tractiion. 

TG: i think this is what you call sollux getting distracted 

GC: 1 TH1NK TH1S 1S WH4T YOU C4LL 4 SHUT TH3 FUCK UP 

CG: OH MY GOD I THINK READING THIS HAS CAUSED ME PHYSICAL PAIN GOOD FUCKING JOB. 

GA: I Think This Is What You Call Giving Karkat An Aneurysm 

TG: oh sick highfive 

CG: CAN I BLOCK MYSELF NOW? IS THAT AN OPTION HERE? 

terminallyCapricious [TC] responded to memo 

TC: ShIt bRo yOu dIdN'T TeLl mE YoU HaD A MoThErFuCkInG PaRtY PlAnNeD. 

CG: OH MY GOD. 

CG: LOOK IT’S THE ASSHOLE BRIGADE! 

TC: MoThErFuCk bRo iT ReAlLy iS A PaRtY We hAvE A ClUb nAmE AnD EvErYtHiNg. 

CG: GOD THIS HAS SPIRALED OUT OF CONTROL I AM TWO SECONDS FROM BLOCKING EVERYONE AND BARRICADING MYSELF UNDER THE BED NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN. 

TC: KuRlOz kNeW AbOuT It. 

TC: BuT KuLrOz kNoWs aBoUt mOtHeRfUcKiNg eVeRyThInG So. 

CG: UGH. 

TG: wow thats fucking creepy actually 

TC: HaHaHa mAyBe. 

arsenicCatnip [AC] responded to memo 

AC: :33 < i knew too 

CG: WHAT THE FUCK HOW? 

AC: :33 < you didnt know? 

AC: :33 < your dad was in love with mom fur years!! 

AC: :33 < he nefur told you? 

CG: NO? 

AC: :33 < didnt he have a thing fur solluxs dad too? 

TA: oh god ii could have 2pent my whole liife wiithout knowiing that what the fuck? 

GC: WH1CH ON3? 

TA: ii2nt iit obviiou2? 

GC: H3H3H3H3 1 THOUGHT TH3Y W3R3 JUST FR13NDS TH1S SH1T 1S PR1C3L3SS 

TA: oh well that2 ju2t great iim glad 2omeone2 enjoyiing thii2. 

CG: WAIT WAIT WAIT WHERE THESE AT THE SAME TIME? 

TG: obviously not jesus karkles 

GA: Actually Yes It Was 

TA: ii hate both of you plea2e 2top talkiing now 2hut up. 

CG: HOW?? 

AC: :33 < polyamory duh 

GA: Exactly 

TA: lalalala iim not lii2teniing. 

CG: WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK? 

GA: I Didnt Really Think It Was Any Of Your Concern Or Business Who Your Father Was In Relations With 

CG: OKAY I’M GOING TO FUCKING REGRET ASKING THIS BUT IS HE STILL...YOU KNOW? 

TG: hahaha wow the one time you cant say fuck 

TA: oh christ dave youre the fuckiing wor2t 2HUT UP!! 

CG: NOT FUCK OH MY GOD YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! 

GA: Im Unsure 

AC: :33 < i dont know mom hasnt s33n him in ages 

AC: :33 < he was kind of sad fur a while and stopped coming ofur 

CG: OH HA HA HOW GREAT LET ME FUCKING GUESS IT WAS BECAUSE OF ME WASN’T IT? 

AC: :33 < i think so im sorry kitkat 

CG: NO IT’S FINE I’M GREAT LETS KEEP TALKING ABOUT MY DAD’S AND SOLLUX DAD’S WEIRD HOMOEROTIC BEST FRIEND THING BECAUSE AS HORRIFYING AS THAT IS IT’S SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER THAN THE FUCKING EMOTIONAL TURMOIL I’M GOING THROUGH. LET’S JUST IGNORE THIS TRAUMA FOR A SECOND HAHAHA. 

TA: you know what how about let2 not? ii really dont have the money two pay for the therapy iill need after thii2. 

GA: It Wasnt “Homoerotic” They Were Just In A Relationship Together And From What I Heard It Was Quite Nice For Both Of Them 

TA: oh my god iim not readiing thii2 the2e word2 are not appeariing on my 2creen before me we are not haviing thii2 conver2atiion lalalalala. 

TG: both? 

TG: was this some scandalous hot sexy cheating thing involving nepetas mom? 

TG: was solluxs dad in on it too? 

AC: :33 < no! oh my god you have no idea how this works do you? 

TG: im so confused 

TA: and iim 2o not haviing thii2 conver2atiion. 

GA: From What I Know Nepetas Mom and Solluxs Dad Were Platonic With Each Other But Both Engaged With Karkats Dad In A Romantic Way 

TA: lalalalala. 

CG: HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW THIS? 

GA: Mom Obviously She Tells Me Almost Everything Going On In The Family 

TG: hahaha hey sollux how does it feel knowing your dad got freaky with the preacher? 

twinArmageddons [TA] has left the memo

GC: H3H3H3H3 PUSSY 

GA: For All Our Sake May I Lead This Conversation Back On The Original Path 

GA: I Believe I May Know The Reasonings Behind Your Fathers Emotional Spike 

CG: YEAH SO DO I IT’S BECAUSE I’M A TERRIBLE CHILD WHO LEFT MY FINANCIALLY UNSTABLE FAMILY WITHOUT ANY FUCKING WARNING WHEN I WAS WAY TOO SMALL TO ACTUALLY TAKE CARE OF MYSELF BECAUSE I’M JUST THAT SELFISH APPARENTLY. 

TG: karkat youre not selfish thats not selfish 

TG: hell i did that 

CG: YEAH BUT YOU WEREN’T LIKE 8 AND YOU HAD AN ACTUAL REASON AND NOT JUST THAT YOUR DAD WORKED LATE AND YOUR BROTHER DIDN’T LIKE YOU. 

TG: that last one actually yeah 

CG: FUCK. 

CG: SORRY. 

TG: babe its so chill you have no idea 

GC: OK4Y W3LL 1F YOUR NOT GO1NG TO 4SK TH3N 1 W1LL 

GC: K4N4Y4 WH4T W4S W1TH K4RK4TS D4DS 3MOT1ONS? 

GA: Well Yes It Was In Part Due To Your Absence And Im Sorry But That Is Kind Of Unavoidable But It Also Kankri Had Just Moved Out And Despite How Terribly He May Treat People Your Father Really Does Love Him 

CG: AND THEN HE WAS ALONE. HIS SHITHEAD SON WAS GONE AND HE’D MISSED EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY BIRTHDAYS AND CHILDHOOD MILESTONES AND RELATIONSHIP STUMBLES AND I NEVER GOT TO TELL HIM ABOUT ALL THE DUMB STUFF THAT HAPPENED AT SCHOOL AND HE NEVER GOT TO WATCH ME TRIP OFF THE FUCKING STAGE DURING GRADUATION. 

TG: babe are you okay? 

TG: i have a private chat open and ready if you want to talk 

CG: NO I’M FINE I JUST...

CG: HOW SOON AFTER THAT DID HE...

GA: Not Soon After Really 

GA: I Believe Kankri Was Helping With Rent But After He Left It Tipped Into Being Just A Little Too Much And Instead Of Moving Somewhere Smaller Or Starving To Pay Rent He Did What He Believed To Be The Next Best Thing 

CG: GOD I’M THE FUCKING WORST AREN’T I? 

GC: K4RK4T YOU 4R3NT 

CG: BUT...

GC: SHH YOUV3 DON3 YOUR P4RT 1N SORT1NG OUT MY DUMB4SS FUCK1NG 3MOT1ONS B3FOR3 4ND NOW 1TS MY TURN SO JUST S1T B4CK 4ND 3NJOY TH3 FUCK1NG R1D3 

TG: dude as the current representative of the disaster kids who ran away society i can tell you that you really cant beat yourself up about it now 

AC: :33 < and none of us want to s33 you miserable 

GA: We All Care About You Karkat 

TC: I mOtHeRfUcKiNg ToLd YoU bRo 

CG: WELL AWARE. 

TG: jesus shit i forgot he was still here 

CG: YEAH YOU GET USED TO IT. 

GC: 4R3 YOU DOWN 4ND R34DY FOR 3MOT1ON4L H34L1NG? 

CG: NO I THINK I JUST NEED TO TAKE A MINUTE TO PROCESS EVERYTHING. 

CG: AND BY MINUTE I THINK I MEAN THE REST OF THE DAY. 

CG: OR MAYBE WEEK. 

GA: Alright But You Know Were Always Here If You Need To Talk 

CG: YEAH I KNOW. 

CG: BYE I GUESS. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] closed memo


	9. Exposition sounds like expedition which is what my feelings are going on right now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hahaha it also sounds like sex position
> 
> Also wow this chapter is very dialogue heavy 
> 
> No proof reading we post and die like men

Karkat wasn't doing so hot and Dave didn't know what to do to help. If the universe were to miraculously abide by his wishes he'd be making hot chocolate and sitting him down with a cheesy movie and letting him cry into his shoulder.

Instead Dave was at work.

Latula seemed to take pity on him though (she'd probably heard most of the scoop from Terezi) and Aradia was being extra smiley. She'd most likely heard the worst of it (that being everything about Sollux and Karkat's dad) from Sollux the other night.

He moped on top of the counter, lying on his arm and surveying the surroundings. No one was stealing anything, everything looked like it was in its right place. Bam job done, nothing to complain about, time to go home.

Tavros gave him a worried sort smile “Are you okay?”

Dave shrugged, “ _I_ am.”

Tavros hesitated “You look tired.”

Dave shrugged, “Meh. It’s whatever.” he was always tired anyway it’s not like there was any difference.

He nodded and gave him another smile before rolling away to help some guy who probably listened to folk punk.

Dave shrugged and went back to inspecting a scratch near the jar of guitar picks. Why did they even sell guitar picks? It wasn't like they were a music store. Well technically they were but still. Wrong kind of music store, get your facts straight.

“We sold guitar strings for a while too.” Latula shrugged, “These guys just don't know how to shelve a store.”

“Totally.” Dave shrugged.

“Radical.” Latula agreed.

She kicked her heels up on the counter, her totes rad boots clunking against the wood.

Uhhh shit he should probably say something shouldn’t he?

“How’s ‘Tuna?” yeah sure that works.

She shrugged, “Same as always, quiet and sophisticated and shit.” 

Dave raised an eyebrow.

Latula snorted, “Nah I’m just playin’ we’re fine. Showed him some old vids of like, monster trucks and shit the other day. He totally flipped his shit when they jumped it was so fuckin’ great.”

Dave nodded, “Right.”

“How’s Katzie?”

Dave shrugged again, “You know, grumpy and loud terrible at customer service, the usual.”

“And the insufferable?”

“Who?”

“Kankri.”

Oh. Hmm.

“What about him?”

Latula shrugged, “He was being a pissbaby to you guys from what I caught, ‘Rezi told me about a bunch of it.”

“Eh,” Dave said, “It’s whatever.”

She nodded and stood up, ruffling his hair and hesitating before saying “Don’t bust anything worrying about Kankri, bro.”

Dave nodded again and fixed his gaze back on the counter.

Today was going to be long.

-

Today was long.

Today also involved a lot of accidentally being rude to customers, standing around doing not a lot and avoiding Tavros so he wouldn't make him sad. Wasn’t his fault he couldn’t shake off the resting bitch face.

Dave helped lock up to make up for it. He stayed late and made sure everything was safe and all the money was in the till and the doors were locked and nothing was going to get stolen.

Aradia thanked him for the help but told him it really wasn’t necessary and he shouldn’t have to inconvenience himself to make up for something that wasn’t even a problem. Or something like that. Whatever it sounded like it came straight from Rose.

He picked up a tub of ice cream on the way home with the full intention to eat it with Karkat over shitty free to air reality tv. How many real housewives could they get again?

He moped in the car, turning up his music too loud and drumming along with his thumbs.

He was halfway through a particularly intense drum fill when he drove past John.

He wasn't going very fast and there was no one behind him so obviously he did what any reasonable friend would do and pulled over to the side, stuck his head out of the window and yelled “Hey John!”

John looked up from his phone, wide eyed and panicked before scrambling off of the path and yelling “Hey Dave!”

His eyes and cheeks and nose were red and he had his giant sad hoodie on.

“What's up” he asked, shoving his phone into his huge pocket.

“Nothing much. Where are you headed?” Dave shoved his sunglasses to his forehead.

John shrugged, “I don't know, maybe home?”

“D'you want a lift?” He was actually planning on getting home and putting the ice cream in the freezer but he could take a detour.

He shrugged again, inspecting the what was probably the ground near his feet “I don't want to inconvenience you.”

Dave made a show of reaching over and shoving the door open, “You're fine dude, I have a whole free seat next to me, a phone full of music and some chill vibes. Hop on in or whatever those motivational posters for furries are.”

He snorted and finally scooted around the front of the car, sitting shotgun “Why furries?”

“They always have cats on them and shit.”

John tried to look disgusted but he couldn't quite get it right through all the giggling.

Dave sent Karkat a message about dropping John home and then they were off.

Despite the happy smile, John was oddly quiet. Dave didn't want to pry but he also didn't want him to suffer in silence.

He was about to ask something intelligent like “How was today” when he was distracted by John pulling weird faces at his phone. Judging from the rapid thumb movements he guessed he was texting someone.

“Dirk says I'm boring.” John grumbled.

“Dirk says anyone who isn't studying robotics or the deep rooted science behind equestrian sports is boring.”

“Dirk’s boring.”

They both nodded and were quiet for a moment or two before John leant his head on the window and said “I actually made it outside today.”

He looked a little shocked for a second, like he didn’t actually mean to say it out loud. Dave decided to remedy his discomfort “Is that why he’s calling you boring?”

John thought and shrugged, “No he’s calling me boring because I didn’t take him with me.”

“Ah.”

They stopped at a light and John shifted again, pulling his legs up onto the seat and resting his chin on his arms, “How’s Karkat?”

Dave shrugged “He’s okay I’m pretty sure.”

John nodded, “Have things been sorted out with Karkat's brother?”

“Kankri? Yeah it's whatever.”

He nodded again and fixed his gaze on somewhere on the dashboard as they started moving again.

It was relatively quiet the rest of the trip, that is until Hey Ya started playing and John did a very impressive car sized sprinkler.

That did a good job lightening the mood, John started complaining about some test he had about something to do with cinematography and Dave said he could just drop out again and John stuck his tongue out at him.

They got to John's house finally and he hesitated for a second before opening the door.

“Thanks.” He mumbled, unclipping his seatbelt and shrugging the sleeves of his jacket back up, “I really wasn't physically or emotionally prepared to walk home.”

“Yeah you didn't look very good,” Wait shit, “Uh because you're gross and shit. Yeah fuckin saved.”

John's face squished sideways, “You're gross. Too bad you won't crash on the way home.”

“Too bad you won't fall down the stairs and decapitate yourself.”

“Too bad you won't get crushed by the front door.”

“Too bad your dumb poster won't fall down and leave you bleeding out from paper cuts.”

John snorted, “Bye.”

“Bye.”

He closed the door and shoved his hands in his pockets, Dave only started driving when he made sure John got inside alright.

 

-

 

Karkat was home when Dave opened the door, he was sitting in the kitchen with a box of leftovers struggling to the temperature right. He stabbed the container of food and sighed a defeated sigh as the fork stayed upright. He grabbed it with as much force as one could grab a fork and shoved the container back into the microwave, glaring at the eating utensil in his hand as if that alone could cure his food related problems.

“Hey babe.” Dave said, dumping his bag on the floor near his shoes. He grabbed the ice cream and ran over to the freezer, shoving it inside before he could inspect the damage.

“You bought ice cream?” Karkat asked, taking the container out of the microwave and jabbing at it again.

“Well yeah I thought we could have a solid feels jam over some trashy tv and sweet sweet chocolate chips.”

Karkat shrugged and put everything on the bench, “Better than anything I’m doing right now.”

“What even is that?” It looked like food, sure, but he had no idea what food it was meant to be.

“Casserole. Nepeta’s mum saved some for me,” Karkat closed the container, “The sympathy food, you know?”

Dave knew. He’d gotten enough casserole to last him half a lifetime.

After Karkat shoved the leftovers back into the fridge and cursed out that fork in particular he joined Dave on the couch, “What are we watching?”

“I was thinking a really old season of Big Brother.” 

Karkat shrugged, “I’ve already watched the one from 2009, I don’t think it gets any different after that.”

“And how many of those fucking dating shows have you watched?” Dave flicked his head.

Karkat rolled his eyes, “Yeah but those are actually interesting. Of course I want to see a girl declare her undying love for some dumb pretty boy two hours after they met and watch them break up after three days because he’s secretly a closet misogynist.”

“You get pissed off at the contestants though,” Dave flicked him again, “Not good background noise at all.”

“That’s pretty fucking unavoidable. They’re all either idiots here for the paycheck or actors.” Karkat scooped the meltier part of ice cream and ate it angrily.

“There’s America's Next Top Model,” Dave shrugged, “Or Project Runway.”

“Yeah I don’t really feel like watching models cry over haircuts. Lets just watch some guys making shitty clothes and call it fashion.”

Dave grinned and nodded. While he was busy getting the show to work Karkat shifted so he was lying on Dave’s thigh. This was standard “Karkat’s going to spill his guts” position, so he made a breakthrough with the actual feels jam part without even having to convince him. Nice that made everything easier.

He reached over and took another scoop, sighing and asking “I never actually told you about-” he waved his arms around “-Did I?”

Dave shrugged, “I got the general deal. You were small and ran away from your brother and weird Jesusy dad and-”

“He wasn't weird and Jesusy. God Dave you can be religious and not be a creep.”

“Right but you still ran away.”

“Because-” he sighed a heavy sigh through his nose and ran his hands down his face, “Because he wasn't home ever.”

“So he was neglectful?” Dave asked, spooning another scoop of ice cream.

“Not intentionally. His job was long and he thought Kankri would be able to take care of me but obviously that didn't end up happening and god that's ugly.”

Dave looked up at the tv. Wow he was right pink really wasn't the colour to go with there, “Sure he didn't mean it but he still left his two kids alone for ages, right?”

“Yeah.” Karkat sighed, “But he wasn't a bad person-”

Oh ouch he knew who that was aimed at. Hint hint: starts with a B.

“-He cared about us, he always made sure to read through Kankri's homework and look at whatever macaroni art I'd made or whatever the fuck else I did as a kid I can't fucking remember.”

He gestured towards the ice cream. Dave got a spoonful and let it fall into his open mouth because they were both lazy sons of bitches now apparently.

“And Kankri?” Dave asked after Karkat swallowed.

He shrugged, “Didn't listen, either talked to much or wouldn't even look at me. He was a pretentious dick who thought he was right no matter what and always had to make sure I was being a good kid, just like him. Brothers am I right?”

Haha ow, way to be subtle Karkat. Fair but ow.

“Yeah,” He shrugged, “Right yeah so you left?”

“In the middle of the night with my school backpack and pillow. I left them a note and everything god I was such a fucking idiot.”

“Do you remember what it said?” 

“Fuck no. God they probably thought I was fucking kidnapped what the fuck was wrong with me? Kankri was right I should have just stayed and dealt with that shit-”

“Karkat listen,” Dave reached his hand down so he was cradling his cheek, granted it was upside down but still, “Kankri wasn't right, nothing he said was right you shouldn't blame yourself for any of this. You’re not the next Jonbenet okay?”

Karkat made a weird high pitched noise and turned his eyes back to the tv, complaining instead about how a handbag really wasn't necessary to complete the look.

He waited for another second, ready to spill some dark secret or whatever to make up for it, but Karkat sighed and mumbled “The lady with the china collection took me in after that. I'm really fucking lucky she did because I was dumb and didn't think at all. I didn't have anywhere else to go, I-”

His voice broke.

“I have no idea how I fucking did it but she let me stay and the authorities just left it. Probably saw the name Vantas and went fair fucking enough. From that day onwards I was an adopted child with anger issues.”

He sighed and pressed his cheek further into Dave’s thigh, going eerily quiet for a moment.

“What about the rest? You say my families complicated but shit.”

Karkat chuckled, but it was still sort of sad “I think she realised that she really wasn’t fucking ready to take care of a kid because she came up to me in tears saying that she was so so sorry like I actually fucking cared and then I was whisked off to Cougar Aunt Julie after consulting three child therapists.”

Dave ran his thumb over his cheek and Karkat leaned into it begrudgingly, “She was nice, had paintings of cats on the walls and hit on my history teacher. I had to move after I punched a kid because he was teasing me. I think he knew my dad.

“Then I was off to the lady who studied forensics and kept bugs in the freezer. That was pretty much it with her but she did know Terezi's mum.”

“And then you two terrible teens became partners in crime?” Dave asked, happy to finally get to a less sour topic.

“You fucking know it.” He grinned, “We tore up every fucking underpass and playground. Everyone though we were sneaking out to make out or get high but we were just yelling about society and dumb shit like that.”

“You did make out though.”

“Well yeah,” Karkat shrugged, “Can you fucking blame me?”

He really couldn't. Terezi was the kind of pretty that almost creeped you out. The kind of pretty that made you think you might actually be talking to a fairy. Or elf. Or whichever fairytale creature took your fancy. A fairytale creature with a love of dark humour and crocs.

“Then there was Nascar dad.” He sighed and ate another scoop, “He liked Terezi enough but he was always so weirdly...You know.”

Dave knew. Was that another pointed look? Wow Karkat really busting out the down low skills huh?

“I'm fucking lucky I hadn't gotten around to trying to figure out the this-” another gesture to their current seating arrangement, “-Thing because I have no fucking idea how he would have reacted to his hormonal, attitudy, rude ass child kissing guys.”

Dave chuckled, “Who's the first guy you ever kissed?”

“God,” Karkat stuck his tongue out at him but he seemed to be turning the question around in his head, “Was it Sollux? Was it fucking Sollux?”

“He stole your homo kiss virginity dude.”

Karkat sat up and shoved him into the arm of the couch, “You're fucking disgusting.”

“You gotta tell me.” He grinned up from where he was currently pretzled against the corner, “Do I kiss better than Buzzbee?”

“Oh my god.” Karkat stabbed his spoon into the ice cream and stood up, “Shut up we’re not talking about this.”

“But babe,” Dave whined, making grabby hands as Karkat walked away from the couch, rubbing his temples, “I need to know, this question will haunt me. I need to know if I’m better than self hatred incarnate the second coming.”

“Yeah and it'll haunt me too.” He rounded the corner to the kitchen, “You're so fucking gross.”

“C'mon bro,” Dave stretched out so he was at least a little comfortable, “Lay one on me, make a comparison, let's get sciency up in here.”

“No. No that is the worst fucking-” He leant over the kitchen bench, rubbing his eyes, “Are you hitting on me? Is this you hitting on me?”

“It's whatever you want it to be.” Dave made grabby hands in Karkat's direction, Karkat sighed over dramatically but walked over to the back of the couch.

“Can it be you shutting up?” He leant over and flicked Dave’s head.

Dave mustered up his best shit eating grin, Karkat rolled his eyes.

“One more question?” 

Karkat nodded

“So after Nascar Dad?”

Karkat shrugged, “I moved in with Sollux-”

“And made out?”

“-And you know the rest from there.”

Dave nodded and sat up so he wasn’t personally murdering his neck. Karkat’s face squished into discomfort, “Fuck, you know what’s weird?”

“Sollux?”

He pushed himself off of the couch and groaned, “No you sick fuck. I was actually going to keep on talking about my fucked up childhood but not talking at all is just as fucking good. Nice chat babe.”

He didn’t leave.

Dave had to wait for his dumb giggles to settle down before he could talk again, “Okay okay sorry. You keep on keeping on.”

He huffed and sat next to Dave again, taking his spoon out of the ice cream and licking it before sticking it right back. Dave would have been grossed out except he’d done the same thing two minutes earlier. 

“I miss him,” He said finally, “My Dad.”

“Well yeah,” Ah! Something he could actually help with “He’s your Dad, that’s normal right?”

“It’s fucking scary is what it is.” his head fell to his shoulder.

“I know this probably helps you none, zilch, zero but I get it,” he shrugged to himself, “I understand all this shit.”

Karkat nodded and wriggled a little, getting comfy.

“And I’m well aware that I am the fucking _worst_ at this kind of shit but-” uhh shit fuck words. Encouraging words. The helpful boyfriend kind. “All this emotional fuckery? It’s normal, it’s fine, annoying as fuck but your whole entire brain isn’t going to implode in on itself.”

“It feels like it is.” Karkat ate another scoop of ice cream.

“Yeah.”

They sat in silence while Dave queued up the next episode, Karkat sighing and shoving him over so he was lying down, Karkat settled on his chest. 

“You know what?” He mumbled, with as much authority as one could have while mumbling into a shirt, “Fuck being an emotional mess. ”

“Fuck emotions?”

Karkat nodded, “God and fuck those judges too, that chicks dress was so much worse.”

“But such is life.”

Karkat rolled his eyes and shushed him, Dave didn't mind really, he was busy watching some guy massacre a pair of pants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Speaking of exposition! Once this story wraps up would anyone be interested in a separate story (prolly just one chapter) of how Dave and Karkat met (plus probably more backstory shit for Karkat because I live for writing that)?


	10. Emotional Vulnerability SUX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> F is for Fun, Friendship, Fantastic and FILLER

Karkat had rules in place to make sure his work was the least mind numbingly horrific experience possible.

They went as follows, more or less:

-Don't yell at the customers (still working on that one)  
-Be polite to the delivery guys (see rule one)  
-No accidentally poisoning the drinks (even if you really want to)  
-Don't spend too long wasting time (made after they all spent an hour watching a fly and betting on how long it would be until it flew into the spider web near the shelf)  
-No crying at work (it was just exhausting)

As much as it pissed him off and as much as he was angry at himself for doing it, he was currently breaking that last, godawful rule.

He was sat in the closet with the mop, his knees pulled to his chest and his head buried in his arms. 

Lucky for him (or maybe not he was yet to see) it seemed the only plus side to his completely scattered upbringing was that he had mastered the art of crying silently. He could go to fucking town and no one would know until he walked back out with red eyes and a runny nose. Except he had a plan for that too. Allergies really were a bitch weren't they?

He would actually be coming up with a better plan of action, if he wasn't distracted by the lovely trip down memory lane (with a large helping of guilt) his brain was going down and also the fact that he couldn't breathe with his shirt sleeve clamped between his teeth.

Also he was shaking.

The feeling of tears falling down his cheeks was irritating at fucking best and he kept on sniffling and his hands were shaking and he couldn't fucking _breathe_.

He gasped like a fucking idiot, the sudden freedom making way for a choked out sob.

Then another.

And soon enough he was bawling in the closet three hours into his fucking shift and everyone would be able to hear him and the customers would be freaked out and they'd lose money and Karkat would get fired and-

The closet went deathly quiet as he heard the handle rattling.

Fuck fuck _fuck_.

He shuffled as silently as possible (which wasn't very fucking silent apparently) towards the back wall. Maybe whoever it was wouldn't see him and think they'd imagined it or heard someone across the street.

Apparently luck wasn't on his side ever because the door opened slightly and the tiny, annoyingly helpful voice of nepeta whispered “Karkat?”

Karkat didn't answer, he just huddled himself further into a ball. His fucking pathetic fucking sniffle gave away whatever secrecy he had left though.

“Karkat are you alright?” She pushed the door open a little more, he winced at her concerned expression.

“Just fucking peachy.” Goddamn shaky voice.

Nepeta shuffled inside and the door clicked closed behind her.

She didn't say anything, she just stood pulling her concerned face, making concerned noises.

“I don't know if I…” she scratched her arm, “I know what to do when you're angry but…”

That was true. Nepeta was the only person he knew that could successfully calm down Equius of all people. She knew her shit when it came to anger but crying like a jackass in the middle of a storage closet? Karkat was pretty sure that was the opposite direction to her alley.

She sat down next to him, pulling her knees up and mirroring his current seating position.

They stayed like that for a while, Nepeta rocking herself and humming gently to keep herself amused.

Karkat huddled himself closer together, wincing into himself when Nepeta spoke again.

“Are you okay telling me what's wrong?” She was so fucking...Chipper.

“No.” He grumbled.

“Do you want to get out of the corner?” 

“No.” God he was the fucking worse wasn't he?

Nepeta nodded and lapsed into silence. Karkat festered in his grumpiness quietly, it was beginning to become physically obvious. He could feel the wrinkles forming on his forehead, the incoming frown lines, he would age thirty years in ten minutes at this rate.

She gave Karkat a sympathetic look and mumbled “I can get Roxy?”

“I don't think Roxy's quite the helpful type.”

Nepeta ignored him and stood up, scuttling out of the closet and leaving Karkat alone again.

He stayed where he was, worried that moving might end up with Nepeta hearing and hurrying up. He was fine on his own, really.

His prayers were completely fucking ignored because deer, sweet Roxy, ever the diligent one, came bounding in a second later.

He half expected her to swing in by the doorframe, singing about positivity and brandishing a packet of Employee of the Month stickers.

Instead she was speedwalking and came to a grinding halt when she caught sight of Karkat.

“Wow.” She said, Karkat couldn't help but find her insanely irritating, “Sorry Katzie but you look fucking horrible.”

“Thanks,” He scoffed, “Looking terrific there yourself Lalooser.”

She grinned, “Even for you that was shitty. C'mon, throw better punches Cranky-Panky, I can take it.”

“Oh my god.” Karkat rubbed his eyes, “I only find that insulting because you sound like a preschool teacher.”

“What? Can't handle it? Are my stings too spicy for you Grumpy-Kats?” she closed the door behind her and sat crossed legged beside him, resting her head on her hand dramatically.

“Jesus fucking christ you're as bad as Dave.” 

“Is he why you're sad?” The very obviously over exaggerated smiley voice was pretty much gone.

“No of fucking course not he's-” oh my god Roxy you sadistic bitch. This was part of her fucking plan wasn't it?

“Go on.” She smiled, ushering him along with her hand.

“God you're going to make me talk about feelings by annoying me? I always knew you were evil but this? This is on a whole other level.”

She shrugged, “I never said I was going to annoy you. Here, why don't I go first? Hi, my name's Roxy Lalonde and I've been working here for about a year and I've had two workplace related meltdowns and counting.”

Karkat raised an eyebrow, “So this is a therapy session now? I thought we were working on finding the differences between you and Rose.”

“Shh,” She waved her hand around, “Just keep saying what you were saying.”

“Shouldn't I introduce myself too? You know, to make it fair and all shit. You can't exclude your clients, isn't that in the contract?”

“You say like I ever signed a contract.”

Karkat rolled his eyes, fully aware he wasn't going to win whatever battle this was, “My name's Karkat 'insert shitty nickname here’ Vantas and if life somehow managed to work out in my favour ever I'd be sitting under my bed at home throwing a bitchfit instead of here in a fucking closet where everyone can see me and start asking me what's wrong and try to be sympathetic and caring and shit.”

Roxy clapped her hands and grinned, “Perfect! Now that that's out of the way, you were talking about Dave?”

No, she asked him about Dave “I was saying he wasn't the cause of my shitfit.’

“Then what is?” She leaned forward, eager to hear his answer.

Karkat sighed, “My life is that of a shitty daytime soap opera.”

“Care to elaborate?”

No.

“C'mon, it'll be my turn next.”

No.

“Fine I'll go first then, since you obviously don't care about me,” she sighed dramatically and waved her hand around, “I just moved in with my girlfriend, left half of my shit with Dirk. He has my favourite pair of socks somewhere.”

“You have a girlfriend?” That was new.

“Yeah. Your turn.”

Uh right. Okay.

“I banned my brother from coming to my house.” Technically that was a lie, he was softly banned indefinitely, but it he was yet to be actually notified and Dave didn't actually know about it. Not that he'd complain.

“About time. Mum was fired, drunk at work again.” She was mumbling again, talking more into her hand.

“Shit really? Fuck um-” oh right he actually had a really big problem he was avoiding, “I've been dragging Dave along with my fucking family problems and it's so obviously my fault my brother set him off.”

“It's so obviously your brother's fault.” She shifted so her knees pulled up to her chest.

“I was the one who let him come into our fucking house.”

Roxy rolled her eyes, “Oh my god shut up it's my turn. Uh...I'm-” she counted on her fingers, “Nearly six months sober.”

“Didn’t we already celebrate that?” Hahahaha fuck! Karkat you socially inept dipshit!

“Girlfriend had a work party, pretended to be blissfully unaware the drinks were alcoholic.”

“Oh.” He stared at the ground, he could actually make out the details on his shoe now.

“Oh god her face when she found out. She's way too nice to ever do anything but I was well and truly in shit.” She went quiet for a moment and bumped his shoulder, “Your turn.”

It took him a second, he was still very busy looking at his shoelace, “My dad's in jail.”

“Fuck.” She nodded, mostly at herself “What'd he do? Wait shit no forget I asked that. I'm an idiot. Better question, are you okay?”

He shrugged, “As okay as one could be in this shituation I guess?”

“And how okay is that?” She leant forward, her legs falling back in front of her. She was dangerously close to being in his personal bubble, Karkat almost felt offended.

“Pretty un-fucking-okay,” He sighed and let his head fall back and clunk against the wall. He did it once more for good measure “Rate the level of bullshit it would be to see him for the first time in twelve whole years in the form of trapping him in the back seat of Dave’s car driving away from a fucking jail cell. One being ‘Oh it’s fine it happens all the time’ and ten being ‘you’re ripped straight from a fucking made for tv movie special.”

Roxy actually seemed to ponder this for a second.

“Do you think it’s a good idea?” paraphrasing was probably a good idea in retrospect.

She shrugged, “I don’t think it could go horribly unless he’s secretly a murderer.”

Uh.

Karkat nodded anyway.

Roxy heaved herself up, holding out a hand for Karkat to do the same. When they were both upright she opened the door a crack, the sudden but small amount of light sent a streak down Karkat’s vision which he was sure wasn’t going to leave any time soon. He pawed at his eyes uselessly and followed Roxy out into civilisation.

-

“You know,” Roxy announced as Dave walked through the doors, “Dirk’s got the hots for John.”

“Ew. Fucking gross. Brothers are off limits.” Dave was stopped completely in his tracks. 

“John’s straighter than a fucking lamp post. Good fucking luck to him.” Karkat rubbed his eyes again, there was no tear residue left but Dave always had this weird way of telling.

“Eh,” she shrugged, unscrewing the lid of the cookie jar. Whatever they were raisin anyway “My gaydar is pretty high tech these days.”

“You hit on Dirk.” Dave still seemed to be caught up on the whole John thing.

“God don’t remind me.” She screwed the lid back on, then off again. Karkat had a feeling this was going to be her afternoon entertainment.

“For nearly a year.” Karkat continued reminding her.

She blocked one ear with the hand not holding the cookie jar “Lalala I’m blissfully unaware of this conversation.”

“Even though he’s so horrendously and obviously gay,” Dave stared at the ground in silent contemplation for another second before nodding, looking up at Karkat and saying “You ready to go?”

Karkat shrugged and untied his apron.

Roxy gave him a hug on his way out, he got a look from Dave too. This was definitely going to be a fun car trip.

Karkat was correct. As soon as Dave pulled out of the car park he turned to Karkat and asked “Are you okay?”

“Do we truly even know the definition of okay?”

“Dictionaries exist. Do you need to talk about like, anything?”

“Roxy has a girlfriend.” Karkat said, instead of actually answering. Like a dumbass.

“Yeah, Callie. Babe seriously are you alright?”

He shrugged “I just cried in a storage closet for an hour, I’m fine.”

Dave nodded “About what?”

Another shrug “Life in general.”

Dave nodded again.

“Hey so,” He started sort of hurried and awkwardly, letting go of the steering wheel with one hand so he could drape his arm around Karkat’s shoulders “I was talking to Sollux today-”

“A momentous sacrifice.”

“And he was saying-”

“Yes?”

“-Shut up I’m trying to explain. So his Dad’s in town again.”

Karkat nodded, snorted and asked “Which one?”

“The one who got busy with your dad.”

Karkat pulled a face.

Dave shrugged again “You asked.”

“And I regret I did. Do you have a point to this so I can drown out my current discomfort?” He leant against the window, glaring at the road.

“Right yeah so I had a bright idea which I mean we don’t actually have to follow through with because I don’t know if you recall but it was also my dumb brain that ended up with us letting shitface into our house so I’m not actually sure how bright it’s actually going to end up being but-”

“Again,” Karkat made a hurry up sort of gesture, “The point?”

“Right, yeah so you know how we’re debating if we should get your dad right? I was thinking maybe we could discuss that shit with...Y’know...People who actually know him?”

“That being Sollux’s dad?” 

“Yeah and uh...How’s Aunt Rosa?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow one whole week late. Guess who was grossly sick for a week and also who got roped into writing a Dave Strider themed essay to fix my terrible English grade? Life is mcfucking grande my bros.


	11. Family Gatherings but Less Joyfull

According to Sollux the only way he’d give them directions to his Dad’s house was if he came with them. Karkat already knew the directions but Dave really wanted to see how the Vantas/Captor reunion would go down. So Sollux ended up draped across the backseat, occasionally giving half hearted directions and answering Karkat’s “This isn’t legal” with an arm swish and a “thuck my ath.”

Sollux’s Dad’s house wasn’t that noteworthy, a townhouse nestled amongst a row of other townhouses with a tiny concrete backyard and a single plastic flamingo tied to the front fence. Dave pulled up, cursed whoever invented parallel parking and everyone piled out, Sollux coming last because he was a drama queen.

They knocked on the door and there was a few seconds of scuffle before it opened.

Sollux’s dad was tall and hunched over with impossibly dark circles and two different coloured eyes (blue and hazel) which were, by some strange coincidence and by extension probably miracle, the same as Sollux’s. Which was weird because Dave was 99% certain that heterochromia wasn’t hereditary.

He invited them inside and put his coffee cup on the kitchen bench. They crowded around the table, Karkat settling next to Dave and Sollux next to his dad. He leant over the table in surprisingly the least intimidating way possible and said, with a grin “How’s life?”

His lisp was a lot weaker than Sollux's, like he'd been working on it. Was that something you could do? Get speech therapy for a lisp? 

Dave shrugged, Karkat made a face and Sollux did a very good impression of a deflating balloon. Sollux’s Dad ruffled his hair absentmindedly.

Everyone shrugged and came to the general consensus of “Eh, it’s life.”

Sollux's dad shrugged back and said “I’m going to go out on a limb and say you’re not here for the company. What’s up with you guys?”

Sollux waved in the general direction of Karkat. Dave linked hands under the table and Karkat sighed “Uh,” he mumbled “About Dad…”

Sollux’s Dad inhaled and nodded “Right.”

“He’s uh…” Karkat squeezed Dave’s hand.

Sollux’s dad nodded, “You’re talking about his affinity with jail cells I’m guessing?”

“Affinity?” Sollux asked, “This is a more than once deal?”

He laughed and scratched the back of his neck “God no, we put our asses on the fucking line keeping him out of trouble.”

That, for some reason, was fucking hilarious to Dave “But he was the fucking preacher.”

“Oh don't worry it gets worse. This wasn’t some basic shoplifting bullshit. Your Dad has friends in high places, kid.”

Holy fuck “I knew Slick was important!”

Sollux’s dad’s eyes widened and he sat up a little straighter, “How the fuck do you know about Slick?”

Karkat rubbed his arm almost guiltily “Adopted dad owed him something.”

“Oh right, yeah,” He nodded and waved his hand around, “Slick was keeping tabs on you for your Dad, absolute coincidance you managed to end up with another guy who knew him. I’m guessing you told Dave?”

Karkat and Dave nodded.

“Right okay that saves some explaining.”

“Wait he was involved in the Mafia?” Sollux’s head was still on the table but he sounded at least a little shocked.

Sollux’s dad pulled a grim face and nodded, “Stephan Kankri Vantas, life would make so much more sense if he was actually in a sitcom.”

“Kankri?” Karkat raised an eyebrow.

“Where did you think he got the name?” 

“What about Kk?” Sollux asked.

“I think Diana chose that one. Do you guys know Diana? Nepeta’s mum?”

They all nodded, “Nepeta works with me.” Karkat said, Dave decided against mentioning her giant crush on Karkat.

“So by extension is Diana…?” Karkat was rubbing his arm again, leaning against Dave’s shoulder.

Sollux’s Dad shook his head, “Nah, we don’t really know who’s,” he waved his hands in Karkat’s general direction “responsible. Our whole thing hadn’t actually started until after you were around.”

Sollux said ew and Dave, again, had struck comedy gold “The hot and spicy trio thing?” 

Karkat hit his arm.

Sollux’s dad snorted “Hot and spicy?”

“Yeah, as in like ‘counterculture triad couple of the century’ hot and spicy?”

He was very obviously embarrassed, he let out what was probably another snort but exhaled and halfhearted. He ran his hand over his face, though the serious gesture was ruined by his giant grin “Yes the hot and spicy thing.”

Sollux made grossed out noises.

“Which,” He said over Sollux’s gagging “Isn’t exactly a thing that’s happening anymore after the whole jail thing.”

Sollux ignored him and continued.

Dave heard rustling behind them, it took a few seconds but eventually another figure trundled into his periferal. He was shorter, stockier and had a blanket draped over his shoulders. He hunched over and dug around in the cupboard for a moment before seeming to lose heart in his endeavor and just sat, lurking in the kitchen.

Oh. That was Sollux’s Dad (the second coming).

“Hey Teddy. Sollux you sound like a sick cat.” he scrubbed his hand over his face and leant his entire body weight on the kitchen counter.

“Hi Bee.” ‘Teddy’ said. Seemed like a weird enough name to fit with Sollux’s whole shtick.

Sollux sent a short, not really wave, his head still on the table. Dave was pretty sure he heard a “Love you too Dad.” somewhere in there.

Teddy turned his head around to face the kitchen and Dave caught a glimpse of heart eyes and the corners of a soft smile. Ew.

‘Bee’ (Jesus fuck seriously? How the hell did Sollux turn out so normal?) nodded back and put his head in his arms, looking snuggly as fuck in his blanket cape.

Teddy turned back to them and shrugged “Anything else you guys want to know about your pops? Seriously I’m like an open book here, ask away or forever hold your peace.”

Dave raised his hand, “What’s his track record for causing panic attacks?”

Another whack to the arm.

Dave rephrased “Is he anything like Kankri?”

Teddy shrugged “He won't start ranting about your wrongdoings if that's what you're asking.”

“That's a thing that he does?”

Karkat and Teddy both nodded.

Karkat's face squished into discomfort and he mumbled something like “about Kankri-”

“So,” Karkat grimaced, “After I left, Dad…Kankri said he-”

He sighed, “Kankri says a lot of shit. I’m going to tell you now, Stephan never thought you were dead, we all knew you weren’t going to be happy if you came back, we all knew you were okay.”

Karkat squeezed Dave’s hand and hunched over the table, staying eerily quiet as he took everything in.

“We were only worried for the first few weeks.” Bee said from the kitchen bench and Teddy nodded.

Karkat nodded absentmindedly.

“You pulled a fucking dangerous little stunt though,” He said grimly “I didn’t think you had anywhere else to go apart from maybe Rosa’s but you didn’t know anything about her place aside from how many corners there were on the drive there.”

“I didn’t.” Karkat said, almost choked, “I just left. I would be fucking dead if it weren’t for-”

“Hey,” Teddy said, gentle as all hell, “Karkat it’s alright.”

Karkat nodded weakly. He waited a second and sat up, face hardening and hand tugging just slightly at the hem of his jumper.

He sat up and said “fucking whatever.”

 

They left soon after, Karkat’s dad pulling him to the side to say how lucky Karkat was to have him which made Dave squirm and get all uncomfortable because he’d never been that good with compliments.

“Bee?” Dave asked, as they stepped back into his car (sans Sollux).

“As in the letter B, no one knows his full name.” Karkat said, staring through the window, tugging at a loose thread on his sleeve.

“And Teddy?” 

Karkat shrugged, “Theodore probably.”

They stayed quiet for most of the trip, except for when Karkat piped up to give directions.

They drove through one of those neighborhoods that feel like they’re in the middle of nowhere, with trees shading every road and nothing but local grocers and family owned businesses. There were a few tennis courts, one of them had a great view of two probably high school kids making out, the other one had a dog. It was only when the map on his phone went fucky and they took a wrong turn (or two) that Karkat looked up with wide eyes and announced frantically “Shit, turn here.”

Dave glanced at Karkat’s phone (which had finally decided to work, the little shit) to see that that particular rode would take them off of their current course.

When he voiced these concerns to Karkat he was met with a shrug “Humor me.”

He did as he was told.

Karkat looked like his levels of pure concentration were going to send him to the hospital. His eyebrows were furrowed together, he was hunched over, watching the road with more intent than Dave had ever seen. He bit his lip and said, cautiously “Left up there.”

Dave did exactly that.

Karkat nodded.

“Right.”

Dave followed.

“Left.”

He turned left.

“Left at the corner there.”

Yep.

“Right.”

Can do.

“Ah shit, right I think?”

“Where are we going?” Dave asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Hush. Left.”

“As you wish.”

Dave was disappointed he didn’t have a hill to roll down to prove his point, but that thought was cut short when Karkat slapped his arm (gently but still. Rude) and said “That house there. I fucking _knew_ I recognised this place.”

Dave got out of the car and trudged up the driveway. The front yard was filled with plants, a rose bush next to the front step, some kind of herb next to the tree that arched over the whole yard. There was a snapped rope and a tire left abandoned at the roots, which explained a lot in itself. Most of the driveway was covered in mud from the garden, it tracked up to the path to the front step in less of a footprint formation and more of a long shuffle. A windchime was busy doing it’s thing next to the door frame, bumping into a hanging plant nestled next to it every now and then.

“My fucking phone was taking us the long way,” he explained, the dirt crunching under his shoes as he marched up to the front door, “Always fucking does apparently. Dad used to drive us up this way. That guy,” he pointed to a house down the road decorated with what might have been a dragon statue “Used to give us gingerbread.”

“Right.” 

Karkat knocked on the door, it had one of those door knocky things with the loops on them that always reminded him of those guys from Labyrinth starring David Bowie’s Massive Junk.

He was able to hear the floor squeaking and frantic footsteps and the swishing of fabric. The door opened not a second later to reveal a woman, tall, draped in an oversized wool cardigan, really fucking pretty with kind eyes and the beginnings of wrinkles. She looked so much like Kanaya it was actually kind of freaking him out.

“Karkat,” She smiled, pulling him into a hug. She turned to Dave with a grin just as wide, “Look at you two.”

“Hi Auntie.” Karkat said and Dave thought that was actually the cutest thing he’d ever seen.

She hurried them inside, talking quickly (in an accent Dave couldn’t quite pin down) about how she wished she’d have remembered they were coming so she could have cleaned. The place was in no way spotless, but it was cluttered in an almost charming way. One half of the table was taken up by a sewing machine, teacups filled a shelf in the kitchen, part of the kitchen bench was taken up by a box of herbs and spices, Dave was pretty sure he saw a whole ass spinning wheel hidden somewhere in the corner of the lounge room.

She sat them down on a couch with one of those crochet circle blankets draped over the back and hurried off to do something about hot chocolate and maybe get something out of the oven? Dave couldn’t tell over the swishing of her skirt.

Karkat looked right at fucking home, huddled into the massive couch, tapping his nails on the small table beside him that held nothing but a strawberry shaped pin cushion.

“Is it always like this?” Dave murmured into Karkat’s ear.

He shrugged, “She didn’t usually leave her sewing needles out as much.”

Rosa returned holding two mugs, one grey one with a spaceship on the front, the other with a cat and a ball of wool. Karkat took the spaceship one.

“So,” She said, finally sitting across from them with her own mug, “How are you boys?”

Karkat shrugged and Dave made an eh sort of gesture.

Rosa nodded and glanced solemnly between the two, “You’ve already talked with Teddy I’m guessing?”

They both nodded.

“And he’s already spilled everything about the basic situation.”

Another eh.

“Okay well that makes my job a lot easier.”

They both nodded and Karkat, gaze fixed to the coffee table said “You’re going to get Dad?”

She nodded, “Either Porrim or I, if everything goes to plan. Both our schedules are tight and I’m afraid it might be entirely possible neither of us can make it.”

“What happens then?” Karkat asked, Dave was very busy looking at an embroidered something or other on the wall.

“They’ll give him bus fair I guess,” she shrugged, “I’ll look into it further.”

Karkat nodded.

There was a lot of nodding going on. Far too much. These conversations were too solemn for Dave’s taste. He voiced this by leaning on Karkat’s shoulder, poking his thigh.

He was bored.

Very bored.

The hot chocolate was nice though.

They talked, Rosa said things, Karkat said other things (calling her nothing but Auntie, which was cute), there was more nodding, the name Stephan was dropped a couple of times, there was more about the chuch.

“Your favourite spot was right under the table, the poor cleaning lady got such a fright when she found you with fists full of crayons. Your dad spent so long apologizing.”

Nice. Cute.

Poke poke poke.

More talking, more history (Apparently Kankri’s favourite way to get him to look at stuff was to drag him around by the wrist. Apparently Karkat hated that), more talks about shit like money, a brief mention of two dollar ramen, Rosa looking grim, Karkat stiffening and-

Oh.

Dave could hear the twang of whatever nerve she’d just hit.

He attempted, to the best of his ability, to read the room and get whatever context he’d missed. 

Right so she was talking about his dad right? Yeah. No shit.

Uhhh fuck. He recalled something about her talking to him? Something about being a messenger? Oh! Did it have anything to do with Slick? Were they talking about the mafia again? Fuck yeah he wanted in on that mafia business.

“So,” Karkat said, gaze now firm, burning holes in Dave’s shoelace “You…He knows? Everything?”

“Not everything. He knows you graduated, he knows you’re doing alright financially, that you’re happy.”

“That is the most fucked up-” He stopped himself, taking a deep breath and rubbing his temples, “He knows but he can’t see me, he thinks he’s not _allowed_ to. I made sure he can’t.”

“Karkat, honey.”

Oh wow Dave was so wrong on that one. He actually felt shitty about that. Of fucking course it wasn’t more light conversation about his Dad accidentally befriending a mob boss or whatever. God he was so bad at this.

Dave wrapped his arm around him, rubbing his arm. Karkat leaned into him and sighed.

“I didn’t tell him about Dave.” She said, leaning back in her chair, hands tightening in her skirt.

“Why?” 

Oh that was fear. That was actual fear. Dave squeezed, hoping he was actually helping and not like, becoming a hinderance or whatever.

“I thought,” She looked over them both, sighing maybe? “I thought someday you might want to tell him yourself.”

Karkat whimpered and Rosa opened her arms. There was a lot less boyfriend under his arm as Karkat curled against her side, his face very much buried in her cardigan.

She murmured something along the lines of “Oh Karkat, it’s alright” and Dave suddenly felt like he was intruding. He hunched over a little and let his gaze wander to the pin cushion next to him, to the cabinet full of plates, to the mugs on the table.

He only looked up when Rosa nodded to him, her free arm open and beckoning and huh. That would be kind of rude to refuse wouldn’t it?

He sat against her side, stiff and very, very awkward. Karkat didn’t look up, just stayed, looking distantly sad. Dave averted his gaze to the decorative wine glasses in the cabinet behind him.

 

-

 

They nearly drove past Karkat’s Dad’s house.

Karkat couldn’t quite recall if he knew how to get there from Rosa’s and he wasn’t entirely sure if he even had the energy left to remember.

Instead they drove home.

Karkat opened the door halfheartedly and sat and messaged Terezi about legal things. Dave skimmed through parts of it while he was draped against his shoulder and it just ended up being a page of

GC: GOD YOUR3 SO S44444444D   
CG: I HAVE THE FUCKING RIGHT TO BE EXCUSE ME   
CG: AND DON’T THINK I HAVEN’T NOTICED THE AMOUNT OF A’S YOU JUST SUBJECTED ME TO 

And

GC: FORM4L 3M41LS FUCKO YOU C4N WR1T3 TH4T SH1T YOU M4D3 4 R3SUM3 D1DNT YOU   
CG: RESUMES AREN’T LIKE EMAILING A FUCKING PRISON JESUS CHRIST   
GC: W41T SH1T 1 THOUGHT YOU S41D J41L   
CG: OH SAME FUCKING DIFFERENCE.   
GC: NO TH3 FUCK 1T 1SNT J3SUS CHR1ST K4RK4T 1S H3 1N PR1SON OR J41L 

To which they spent nearly twenty minutes checking and rechecking and messaging Kankri of all people. Which was just a whole lot of

Ah Karkat I thought we’d decided you were ignoring me from now on. 

And thankfully yes, they were right the first time which meant life was oh so much easier.

They talked to Rosa and Kankri and had gotten the exact date his dad was getting released, spent almost an hour on google checking and rechecking everything, going on yahoo answers of all fucking places.

And thus they had made their decision.

Dave hunkered down with Karkat to write the formaliest formal email they had ever written ever.

Which they deleted and rewrote many times, saved as a draft and begrudgingly called it a night.

A night which was spent with Karkat twisting his hands against the sheet and Dave patting his hair trying to calm down.

God they were going to start breaking records with this whole coming out thing weren’t they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a hot minute hasn't it? The is so very rushed because I just wanted it to finally be _done_ so blease don't be surprised if you come back in a day and it's all entirely rewritten.
> 
> I BET YALL MISSED PESTERLOGS HUH?


	12. Memo (Reprise)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it cheating having another one of these?

carcinoGeneticist [CG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board Christmas Ain’t Cancelled Yet Fuckaroo

CG: IT’S OFFICIAL.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] responded to memo 

GC: 4WW YOU 4DOPT3D TH4T GROSS C4T FROM B3H1ND TH3 DUMPST3R 4T WORK 

CG: NO FUCK YOU. 

twinArmageddons [TA] responded to memo 

TA: you fiinally fiigured out a way two tran2fer the human con2ciiou2 iinto machiine for the 2ole purpo2e of haviing a 2ex robot humiiliiate you? 

CG: BURN IN HELL. 

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] responded to memo 

GA: Youre Selling Your House And Moving With Your Rich Estranged Uncle By The Seasides 

arsenicCatnip [AC] responded to memo 

AC: :33 < isnt roxy already taking the cat? 

GC: NO K4RK4T 1S TH4TS WH4T TH1S WHOL3 M33T1NG 1S 4BOUT 

CG: I’M GOING TO FUCKING BLOCK YOU. 

caligulasAquarium [CA] responded to memo 

CA: you realised youre a fuckin wwimp and have resigned to live under your bed from noww on 

CG: DUDE I FUCKING DO THAT ANYWAY WHY THE HELL WOULD I MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT OUT OF THAT? 

terminallyCapricious [TC] responded to memo 

TC: MoThErFuCk BrO gUeSs WhOs OpEnEd ThEiR mOtHeRfUcKiNg HeArT aGaIn. 

CA: oh my fuckin god bye 

caligulasAquarium [CA] has left the memo

TC: ShIt BrO wHy'D yOu AlL uP aNd Go? 

CG: THIS WAS A FUCKING MISTAKE. 

CG: NO I’M HERE TO SAY IT’S OFFICIAL. 

CG: I’M ON PICK UP DUTY FOR MY DAD. 

caligulasAquarium [CA] responded to memo 

CA: shit really 

CG: FOR FUCKING REAL. 

TA: that2 exciitiing? 

CG: I’M FUCKING TERRIFIED! 

TA: have you got your famiily reuniion 2criipt ready?

GC: GOTT4 PR3T3ND TO B3 4 MOD3L C1T1Z3N FOR YOUR D4D

turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo 

TG: hell yeah 

TG: i got a whole setup going 

TG: like hey karkats old man welcome to my humble abode (car) make yourself comfortable put your bags on the floor and settle back and enjoy the ride 

GC: YOUR R4MBL1NG SP34KS VOLUM3S 

GC: YOU 4NX1OUS FUCK 

TG: dont hate me cuz you aint me 

GA: Are You Planning On Introducing Yourself Properly 

TG: as in the coolest motherfucker in the universe? hell yes 

GA: That And As In Karkats Boyfriend

CG: IF HE ASKS? YEAH PROBABLY. MAYBE. FUCK I DON’T KNOW. 

GA: Do You Want To 

CG: YEAH. I SHOULD. 

TG: we should 

GC: JUST S4Y SOM3TH1NG L1K3 "H1 D4D WOW HOW 4R3 YOU HOLD1NG UP PR3TYY SH1T 1D 3XP3CT H4H4 4LSO H3R3S MY BOYFR13ND D4V3 H3S PR3TTY FUCK1NG S1CK 

CA: or just be a normal fuckin person and say somethin like "hi dad im gay" 

CG: BUT I’M NOT THOUGH. 

CA: wwhatevver you are i cant fuckin remember 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] BLOCKED caligulasAquarium [CA]

CG: I DO NOT HAVE THE PATIENCE RIGHT NOW. 

TG: you never do 

CG: FAIR. 

TA: 2o you 2mooth talked the guy2 iinto lettiing you take your dad, a priie2t wiith a criimiinal record, off iinto the wiilderne22?

TG: yes indeed 

CG: IT WAS AS PAINFUL AS IT WAS BORING. 

TG: there were phone calls involved 

TG: and hold music 

TG: and paperwork and signatures and guys with fancy titles and being polite and adult and shit 

TG: the fucking WORST 

GC: 4S 1S L1F3 S4DLY 

GA: Do You Need Me To Send You His Address 

CG: GOD I’M GETTING SO SICK OF PEOPLE KNOWING MORE ABOUT MY DAD THEN I DO. 

GC: OH DONT WORRY 1M COMPL3T3LY IN TH3 D4RK H3R3 

TG: he has friends in the mafia 

GC: HOLY FUCK 

TG: damn straight 

GA: Im Talking To Mom Currently 

GA: About Requirements And Dates Such 

GA: Porrim Says Shes Willing To Send You Her Current Notes On The Subject 

CG: YEAH FUCK THAT WOULD BE HELPFUL. 

GA: Ill Pass On The Message 

TG: i hear the ding of phone notifications and the sweet sound of plans falling into place 

TA: well dont you 2ound peachy. 

TG: oh im terrified 

AC: :33 < tell me how it goes okay? 

CG: CAN DO. 

TC: BrO i FuCkInG tOlD yOu It WoUlD tUrN oUt OkAy. 

CG: NO YOU DIDN’T. 

TC: Oh FuCk I dIdN't? ShIt BrO nOw I gOtTa. 

CG: NO YOU REALLY DON’T. 

TC: EvErYtHiNgS gOnNa TuRn OuT mOtHeRfUcKiNg FiNe. 

CG: WOW THANKS. 

TG: hey gamzee got any nuggets of wisdom for us 

TC: ShIt BrO yOu KnOw I'm AlWaYs FuCkInG uP fOr ThAt WhAdDiA wAnT tO kNoW? 

TG: tell me about being lonely or why i feel like a stranger when i see myself in the mirror 

CG: PLEASE DON’T ENCOURAGE HIM. 

TC: SiT bAcK aNd EnJoY mY rAw MoThErFuCkInG aDvIcE bRoThEr. 

TG: We aReN'T StRaNgErS To tHe wOrMs aNd bUgS In tHe gRoUnD. 

TG: YoU KnOw tHeM As wElL As i dO. 

TG: ThE gRoUnD dOeSn'T tHiNk YoU'rE lOnElY. 

CG: JESUS CHRIST THAT WAS ALMOST HALFWAY TO BEING COHERENT GOOD FUCKING JOB. 

TG: thanks gamzee 

TA: 2o wa2 that the whole notiifiicatiion or do you have more biig new2 two 2hare wiith u2? 

TG: yes 

TG: karkat has discovered he is a power bottom 

GC: OH WOW 1M SO PROUD OF H1M 

CG: JESUS. 

CG: FUCKING. 

CG: CHRIST. 

CG: GOODBYE. 

CG: I CAN’T TRUST YOU WITH ANYTHING. 

CG: YOU RUIN EVERYTHING BEAUTIFUL. 

CG: YOU’RE ALL AWFUL. 

CG: FUCKING BYE. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] RIGHT NOW closed memo on board Christmas Ain’t Cancelled Yet Fuckaroo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's 3 am


	13. At long last, a reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat listens to McCafferty fucking change my mind
> 
> Also I'm juggling the idea of a epilogue in case this chapter is shit so don't leave just yet I guess?
> 
> (no proofreading gang yooooo)

The drive was quiet. 

Not quite silent but not gently talkative like Karkat was used to. The radio crackled in and out the further they drove, though Karkat was positive their radio wasn’t working before.

The only thing that broke the almost silence was Karkat’s directions. His stomach twisted a little more as the number counted down. They were getting closer, ever so slightly.

They still had almost half an hour to drive. It wasn’t like they were closing in very fast but oh, how quickly half an hour seemed to go when it was comprised of nothing but dread.

“Left.” Karkat said.

Dave didn’t say anything back. His hands gripped the steering wheel, his thumbs tapping anxiously.

They didn’t have a plan really. They still weren’t sure how his Dad was even going to fit. Would Karkat sitting in the front be counted as rude? Should he sit at the back or should he give him space?

What should they talk about? What was and wasn’t okay to bring up?

Would they even talk?

Would his Dad even want to see him?

Karkat fell sideways and groaned, pulling his eyes away from his phone and out the front windshield. He watched the buildings and the trees and the people sitting outside minding their own business.

Roxy told him not to worry so much and Nepeta gave him a care package which was just a block of chocolate and a sticky note with a sharpie drawing of a cat on it. It was currently placed on the dashboard next to the totally ironic solar powered dancing sunflower.

Its friendly, happy face felt almost insulting.

He wondered how John was doing. He was doing something with Dirk right? They were both feeling sad and had pulled themselves off of their sunken in mattresses and fucking...

Watched movies or something?

He honestly had no idea what it was Dirk and John even did together aside from debate Batman or watch dumb 80’s anime.

How was John’s Dad going? The last time Karkat had seen him was a year or so ago when they went over to his house for some family bonding (back when John had moved back in).

Was he doing okay? Still as fatherly as ever?

How was his-

Oh shit goddamit he was back to his own Dad.

Dave seemed to notice something was up because he pulled a face and spared one hand to rest on his shoulder.

He sighed and decided he probably wasn’t going to win any fight he put up with his brain. He settled down and begrudgingly followed his train of thought to memoryville.

 

Karkat was on the couch, cradling a bowl of cereal, swinging his legs around. He watched Kankri sit on the floor, a book propped up on the coffee table in front of him.

Dad wasn’t home yet. He’d be home in a few hours and he’d bring dinner ingredients. Until then Karkat was fine slowly making his way through the cereal box. This one didn’t have a toy which sucked MAJORLY but whatever.

Kankri was tapping his foot, chewing on one end of a pencil. He was doing something for school

Karkat didn’t bother him. He didn’t tend to bother him when he was doing school things.

“Stay focused” was his main motto. He got annoyed if you bothered him and that usually ended up with ranting and sometimes blaming you for bad grades.

So Karkat sat, crossed his legs and ate more cereal.

Unless he could actually think of anything else to do, or Kankri pulled him into something he was doing (“You can’t just sit around all day Karkat!”) that tended to be most of his afternoons. Sometimes he drew, they had crayons lying around somewhere.

And eventually he got tired of cereal and left his plate on the table. Kankri didn’t really notice but he’d get some kind of talking to about cleaning plates. Whatever washing dishes sucked.

What didn’t suck, however, was the swingset out the back.

He marched down the front steps (there were only three) and across the backyard. It was getting dark out and bugs would start showing up soon.

He ignored that and jumped onto the swing (he was so close to being able to touch the ground fully), tapping the ground with his tippy toes to get himself going.

Kankri had taught him how to swing himself on the swing. It took a lot of trial and error and a lot of explaining but eventually he got it down.

He'd been out there for what felt like ten minutes (it was probably more) before Kankri marched out, stopping at the second step and calling out to him from across the yard.

“Karkat you're meant to put your bowl in the sink.”

Karkat stuck his tongue out and swung higher.

“You know that because I keep having to tell you. You'd have to remember by now.”

The sound of a car engine caught both of their attention. They both watched as their Dad pulled up. He climbed out and Karkat sprinted to give him a hug. He just came home therefore he needed hugs. That was the rule.

“Hey, how are you two going?”

“Karkat didn't put his bowl in the sink again,” Kankri crossed his arms and huffed “I had to do it for him.”

“I don't know if he can reach the sink. Can you?” He asked, ruffling his hair.

He shrugged. Kind of?

“You can. I've watched you do it.”

 

He was brought back to reality by Dave tapping his phone. It was resting on his thigh absently.

“Sorry.” Karkat mumbled guiltily. He’d forgotten about the whole directions thing.

“S’all cool. I can read it from here.” Dave smiled at him.

God that made him feel a fun mix of happy and guilty and annoyed at himself for getting so worked up. His emotions were currently so far off the rails they’d ended up crashing into the train headed the opposite way.

It was such a mundane thing to remember. He had no idea why that experience in particular stuck in his mind.

He voiced his concerns to Dave who just shrugged and said “I remember weird shit all the time dude.”

Karkat shrugged back and sat up properly, reaching over to change the music. They were playing jazz again and he really didn't have the mental capacity to deal with it.

He pondered over if he should play a fitting “for sad times” playlist. Though he thought actually addressing the emotional elephant in the room would just make shit worse. He settled on shuffling whatever he was last listening to and hoping that there wasn't too much emotional screeching.

 

Karkat didn’t have to introduce himself this time. There was no standing at the front of the class watching people butcher his name, no getting stared at for wearing a jumper in summer. He just said “Here” when the teacher called his name, mentioning to the class that yeah, he was new. He could hear the whispers, he’d been through enough schools to tell. Somewhere someone was always going “Shit, we have a new kid?”

And then that would spread and he’d get glanced at the whole lesson by people who were just curious enough and inevitably, someone would ask if he was from America to which he would answer “Yes” and get question after question of “But where are you really from?”

He sat down. Halfway through an explanation of something about how awesome Roman roads were someone turned to him and asked “Carrie Porter right?”

That was his newest Mum’s name. He’d never said anything about it. The school hadn’t said anything. Unless she’d broken into his fucking files there’s no way she’d know that.

“How the fuck-”

“My mum knows her. What’s it like living in a dead people scientist's house?”

“ _Forensic scientist_. It’s fucking peachy. Way better then wherever you live probably.”

She cackled “I know what forensics is dipshit! My mum works on murder cases.”

“No the fuck she doesn’t.”

“Yes the fuck she does! She gets all the gory details, looks at all the photos they take, talks to the cops. One time she even had to defend the murderer!”

“Your mum's a lawyer. That's pretty fucking lame.”

“No it isn't! She gets to fights for a living!”

“So do wrestlers.”

“You like wrestling?”

“Fuck no.”

“Good because I don't either.”

“Karkat. Language.” The teacher warned.

“And me.” The girl said, waving her arm around.

“ _Karkat and Terezi_ ,” she said, exasperated “Language.”

Karkat rolled his eyes and rubbed his temples. She didn't stop talking to him the rest of lesson, from her lizard to her best friend's dnd campaign and her love of dragons. His ear was thoroughly talked off by the time the bell rung.

It was only when her exit was preceded by a soft tapping that he realised she couldn't actually _see_ his sarcastic hand motions.

They didn't get along right away obviously. Even now she tended to ride his nerves to hell. 

“Right.” He said, leaning against the window again.

The counter was still going down. Karkat swallowed hard.

Dave's arm was back on his shoulder, thumb rubbing soothing circles along his shoulder blade.

“You’re thinking.” He said.

“No shit.” Karkat said back.

They rounded another corner and stopped at a set of lights. Karkat watched a car pull up next to them with mild interest.

“Babe,” Dave said, “Hush that brain of yours, breathe, calm down.”

Karkat raised an eyebrow “And how am I going to do that?”

“Talk to me.”

“About what?”

“Anything dude, just talk.”

“Uh.” Karkat thought, was there anything interesting to say?

“Roxy bought fortune cookies?” He said, almost helplessly.

“What was your fortune?”

“Some shit about love and forgiveness.”

“Nice, nice,” Dave nodded, his gaze fixed on the road the entire time, “Anything else? Gimmie a fun fact or something.”

“Dave I can't think of anything,” Karkat rolled his eyes and spared enough thought to huff. He was feeling that petty “Left also.”

“What if I talk at you?” Dave glanced over to him, smiling and taking his hand back “You know I can talk for fucking ever right? Talking is my one saving grace, my finest quality. If someone gave out those fucking 'tell me about yourself in one word’ worksheets you know damn well I'd write something about how I talk way too fucking much. Then they'll all yell because that's seven words and I'll have to explain that yeah, that's the joke but old lady Susan is too old to comprehend humour anymore and now the family lunch is ruined and-”

“Yes Dave, that works.” Karkat said, slow and loud enough to be heard over Dave's fucking ranting.

“Yeah, cool, alright can do. What do you want to hear about? I can talk to you about Rose and I's most recent conversation?”

“Sure.”

Karkat stared at the wiggly flower as Dave spoke. He talked about Rose, about work, about John, about shopping for hot pockets.

Karkat eyed off his phone the whole time, Dave keeping him on task (i.e reminding him that he was the only one who knew the way) by nudging him every so often.

And he kept on talking.

About his music, about art, about the movie he watched the other day, the use of 3d animation in traditionally 2d platforms.

It was interesting almost exactly half of the time, the rest serving as a decent distraction.

That was until his phone chirped happily as they arrived at their destination.

Karkat swallowed and watched the high walls, topped with curls of wire. The mess of buildings and stretches of concrete and grass. He payed extra special attention to the pavement beside them, doing his best to ignore the anxiety swirling in his gut.

He grabbed the hem of his jacket and bit his lip. Looking up felt like a chore he wasn't quite ready for yet.

“Is that him?” Dave asked, gesturing to a huddle across the road. An intimidating looking tall guy and-

He looked like Karkat. Even from this distance he could tell they had a resemblance. He had the beginnings of scruff (the same he used to have, karkat noticed with a twinge), was wearing a baggy old grey hoodie, one hand bundled in his pocket, the other holding a single duffle bag.

Karkat watched.

And watched.

Their car slowed to a halt and he still wasn’t able to come up with something, anything to say. An observation other than “Oh Shit.”

“Yeah.” He breathed. He didn’t need to say it. It was obvious enough from the hair and posture and-

Everything about him was so familiar and yet he almost didn’t recognise him.

There were so many differences to what he thought he’d look like. So subtle it was almost jarring. His jaw was stronger, he was just the slightest bit shorter, he looked so _small_ like this.

He faltered as he stepped out of the car, catching the eye of both the guy and his Dad.

He was terrified.

He could feel it swirling in his gut, through his arms, to his fingers and up his throat.

This was worse than his fifth grade public speaking assignment, worse than graduation, his first job interview. Worse than getting fired, worse than coming home to Sollux collapsed on the floor because at least then he knew what to do.

He reached out to Dave hesitantly. He didn’t thread their fingers together, just squeezed his hand and turned to him for a second.

Dave’s hands were shaking nearly as much as his were.

They crossed at the crossing, walking at a decent speed and checking to see if there were no cars. They couldn't fuck this up. There was no way Karkat's first interaction with his Dad in years was going to be sending him back to a jail cell.

They approached the guy, Karkat switching between staring at him and at his Dad.

His Dad stared back.

Their eyes were similar, he shared the dark bags and half dead look and the everything obscured behind a wirey mess.

He shuffled uncomfortably under his stare. It wasn't threatening, just...odd.

Dave nudged his shoulder and gestured to the guy minutely.

He fished his ID out of his wallet, Dave his licence. The man took them wordlessly, looking over everything and giving them a few once overs and nodding. Deciding that yeah, they checked out.

He stepped to the side and Karkat’s Dad took a tentative step forwards, gesturing to their car.

Karkat was well aware of the eyes on his back as they crossed the road, he could feel the stare as they stood on the sidewalk beside the car.

They gathered on the curb at the boot of the car, Dave taking an awkward step back, coughing and letting Karkat and his Dad stared at each other.

He chewed on his lip, looking almost anywhere but his Dad's gaze. He could still feel eyes against his back.

“Uh.” Karkat trailed off weakly. He had no idea what to say.

Hi? Sorry? How's it going? Should he shake his hand or was that too formal? Were they okay to hug? Was Karkat okay to hug? Would any of them talk if he didn't say anything? What the fuck was going to happen now?

“Hey.” His Dad said, almost smiling. Almost tearful.

His voice sent everything crashing down.

He was aware that he was crying, he could feel tears running down his cheeks and he could feel his throat closing up and the choked sob escaping before he could process the shitshow his brain was going through.

His Dad opened his arms and Karkat pressed his head against his chest hesitantly.

“It’s alright,” He said, wrapping his arms around him “You’re alright.”

 _Fuck_.

“I’m sorry,” he managed, strangled and painful and so fucking difficult to get out “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“I know.”

He was distantly aware of the hand stroking his hair and the gentle whispering of “shh” but his brain couldn't spare enough thought to care. He was busy mumbling apologies, saying thing after thing about he was probably the worst kid and about how his dad didn't deserve any of that and about how he should have come back or at least fucking called or-

“Karkat,” his Dad said, quiet and gentle and calming and almost worried “You're here now.”

“But I wasn't. I wasn't for so fucking long.”

“I don't care,” he pulled away for just a moment, he was crying too “You're here.”

Behind them Dave shuffled. Karkat pulled away (well aware that he looked like shit) and wiped his eyes quickly.

“We should-” Dave gestured to the general area of the car, his keys jingling almost as if they were trying to prove his point.

His Dad nodded, “Am I alright to get in the back? I have sleep I need to catch up on.”

Karkat nodded wordlessly.

 

They were almost fifteen minutes into the drive back before Karkat considered actually introducing Dave.

His Dad hadn’t asked about him yet so as far as he could tell he wasn’t in any desperate need to know.

But Dave hadn’t even introduced himself yet. He might as well have been just the chauffeur.

His Dad had draped himself out against the back seats since they’d left the view of the muscly guy and was entertaining himself mostly by reading and staring out the window.

Dave gave Karkat a look.

Karkat gave him one back.

“Uh,” he started, really unsure of what to say next “So I forgot to introduce you to Dave.”

His Dad looked up in time to see the wave in Dave’s direction.

“I noticed that,” His Dad said with a small smile “So you’re not just a private driver?”

Karkat chuckled. Mostly because it seemed polite.

“Too glamourous of a gig for me,” Dave replied “I don’t really see the kid in niche band tee’s dishing out a glorified taxi service.”

“No uh,” Karkat grabbed the hem of his shirt, very narrowly missing clawing at his own hands “Yeah so this is Dave, he’s my boyfriend.”

He didn’t look back, but he could hear his Dad exhale and make a small humming noise. He was silent for a moment and for a second Karkat could feel his heart creeping up his throat.

And then, with so much emotion it almost made Karkat squirm, he said “How long have you been together?”

And Karkat let out a breath and nearly laughed from the come down of adrenaline “Three years?”

“Three years,” His Dad echoed “I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks.” Karkat said, because he really couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“I probably should just start up a taxi service,” Dave said, Karkat could see the fact that his face was red and he seemed very much uncomfortable with all the emotion happening “Since I have to drive this guy everywhere.”

And thus, Dave had successfully defused the situation.

“You can’t drive?” His Dad asked. He didn’t sound offended or disappointed really, but his voice turned up at the end. He just seemed curious.

Karkat rubbed his arm “I never got around to it.”

He’d tried. He’d had a panic attack behind the wheel and decided against it. Busses existed and were way better for the environment anyway.

“It’s never too late to learn you know, Teddy only got his when he was twenty something.”

Dave seemed intrigued by that. Karkat was confused until he mumbled “Hot and spicy thing” and Karkat wanted to hit him.

“Yeah,” Karkat said instead “Kanaya keeps telling me.”

“She was always the responsible one.”

That was a fun thing to hear if only for the fact that it reminded Karkat that yes indeed, his Dad knew his family. It was so strange to him that his friends had been aware of his existence for as long as he had.

A weird thought (and statement on his Dad’s behalf) considering Kanaya had been keeping everything to herself for years.

They stopped at a light and his Dad coughed. He opened his mouth and the first part of a word seemed to slip before he caught himself. It sounded serious. Karkat wanted to curl in on himself and disappear into the void his stomach was currently doing a good job of making.

There was a second of silence.

It dragged on painfully until they were five minutes away from the lights and had changed lanes three times.

Eventually Karkat heard a short sigh and a crackly “I’m sorry.”

And very suddenly everything good that their conversation had brought came crashing back down and Karkat found himself gripping his seat and staring out a blank window.

“Why are you-”

“I wasn’t there for you.” He interrupted. Karkat didn’t care.

“You don’t have to-” God wait he should be the one apologizing, he’d been thinking about and planning it since he’d first met with Kankri. This was going all kinds of fucking pear shaped and Karkat was almost ashamed to say that even though it felt awful part of him was almost relieved to hear it. He knew, he always knew he was sorry but just hearing him say it, knowing truly that he meant it?

His stomach twisted horribly and he was painfully aware of the tears trying their fucking hardest to escape.

“You have a boyfriend and a job and friends I don’t know and-” He trailed off, Karkat didn’t have to turn around to know why “I feel like I’ve done everything I can to make sure I missed out on it.”

He-

He didn’t know what to say or even if he were capable of talking.

His Dad paused and exhaled “I’m sorry I was always busy, I’m sorry I made you feel alone, I’m sorry I made you think I didn’t care.”

“I knew you cared.” His voice cracked.

“I fucked up.”

A punch to the gut. Hearing that was probably the most painful and horribly conflicting thing Karkat had ever had the chance of hearing.

For one, of course, it was the cursing. The prospect of his Dad cursing was more foreign than it should have been.

And then? It was so simple and yet-

“We both did.” Karkat said, almost a mumble.

“We both did.” He echoed back.

For a moment Karkat found himself back on a darkened afternoon street, backpack in hand, heart and head heavy. He didn’t know where to go, he didn’t know where he was or where he’d been. His shoulders hurt, he was cold, he was for once well and truly alone.

For a moment Karkat didn’t care.

And for a moment Karkat brought himself back.

 

His Dad ended up falling asleep after another ten minutes of emotional and gut wrenching conversation, snoring just loud enough to be annoying in the back seat.

Dave had taken to playing his music gently and holding Karkat’s hand until he needed to shift gears.

They didn’t say anything to each other but he could tell Dave was waiting for a time to themselves so he could sit down, slap his hands on his knees and say “Well.”

Karkat hadn’t actually looked at his Dad since they’d hugged outside the car. He was really past the point of worrying if it was rude because he wasn’t sure if he could actually bring himself to meet his gaze right now.

He felt weak and feeble and vulnerable. It was an uncomfortable mix and the perpetrator was sitting right behind him, staring point blank at the back of his head.

He stared instead at the sunflower dancing on the dashboard and his phone where it sat in between he and Dave.

He stared and he thought and he gave up thinking.

And as the numbers counted down to their destination he found himself almost missing the company.

 

His Dad awoke with little ceremony as they passed a dollar store nestled in between a butcher and a bigger, better dollar store.

They were close to his house and he could probably tell.

By this point Karkat’s hand had detached from Dave’s and had taken residence holding his phone while he read out directions.

There was no more speaking done. Karkat guessed they’d used it all up twenty minutes ago while they were crying.

Karkat’s throat still felt raw.

His Dad sat forward and stared out the front windshield and Dave, finally breaking the silence they had going, said “How did you only manage to get jail time?”

He expected an insulted scoff or him yelling about manners but instead what they got was a laugh.

“I have friends who can vouch for me.”

Dave’s eyes lit up “Like Slick?”

“How do you know about Slick?”

Karkat raised his hand and his Dad laughed more.

It was low but not quite bellowing, bright but not bubbly, scratchy and fast. Karkat recognised it from Kankri. 

“Slick and probably the fact that I was wearing my collar at the time.”

“And they felt guilty?” Dave asked, glancing at Karkat’s phone when he forgot about directions again.

“Probably.”

“So you psychologically blackmailed people into giving you a shorter sentence?”

There was a short sigh, an amused chuckle “To put it lightly.”

And that was enough to finally get to Karkat smile, albeit slight and kind of bittersweet.

He smiled a tad out the window and Dave caught his eye and smiled back. Reassuring and kind and Karkat wanted to hug him or kiss him or hide. Which in particular he didn’t quite know yet.

His Dad, behind them, settled back against the window and inspected the buildings as they passed.

The area was new to Karkat for the most part. Part of the city he hadn’t really gotten around to yet. There were a few chains he recognised and a title or two he’d seen around but other than that he was completely unaware of where he was.

“Left.” He said, finally being a responsible guide.

“It’s faster if you go around the back way,” His Dad explained, sitting forward and peering out the windshield, “You miss the lights.”

Karkat nodded and put his phone down, “Can you take the reigns?”

 

His street was familiar.

He recognised the row of houses and the drain a kid next door had thrown his table tennis ball down.

He knew the tree at the fork in the road (Where he met up with Kankri whenever he left a friend’s house), the house down the end with the balcony (It had the most Christmas lights), the path near his house that took him to the underpass.

He exhaled.

His Dad did too.

“For the sake of being cliche, It’s good to be back.” He said, a shuffling that meant he was grabbing his bag.

They slowed to a stop in front of his house.

It was on the smaller side, redish roof and off white walls, something that was probably meant to be a porch but was too close to the ground to really count. A single wood chair sat out next to a coffee table, beside that an old, metal garden swing that was probably painful to hear actually swinging.

Rosa had the chair to herself, nursing a mug of something warm. Porrim was leaning against a wall on her phone. Teddy was hunched over staring at his. A woman Karkat didn’t know was talking absentmindedly to Rosa, twirling a strand from her cloud of hair around her finger and grinning. Her teeth were shiny enough to be intimidating.

She was Nepeta’s mum.

His Dad laughed and got out before Karkat could even think of undoing his seatbelt.

“Trust you to bring a party, huh Di?”

There was a flurry of long limbs and hair and skirt as his Dad was engulfed in a hug, taken up mostly by Teddy trying to noogie him.

Karkat climbed out, followed by a slightly bewildered Dave.

“You fucking shit head,” Teddy was almost screeching, mixed with barks of laughter and grunts as his Dad tried to wiggle free. To no avail, his arms were long “You’re a dick. Guess who’s greying now? It’s me. You made me fucking lose hair you bitch.”

Eventually he managed to escape with a well placed elbow to the ribs, falling directly into Nepeta’s Mum, who Karkat guessed might have been Di?

She hugged him and he hugged her back and all in all it was so much less chaotic than Teddy (Who resorted to shoving him in the shoulder). She still called him an asshole though.

Next was Rosa who smiled wide and ruffled his hair. She put her drink down and pulled him in for a hug. Karkat was aware of these hugs. The kind where you held on and squeezed and kept holding and sometimes you shed a few tears but no one ever held anything against you because fuck you if you’re not going to get emotional during a hug from Rosa.

Dave tugged at his hand. Karkat drifted off with him.

“You’re uncharacteristically quiet.” He said.

Karkat wanted to hit him. Or probably hug him. Either worked.

“I think my ability to form words has been thrown directly into the left fucking field. Don’t be surprised if I spend the rest of the week rendered completely silent.” God it felt good to talk.

“A political statement or tragic accident?”

Karkat shoved him.

“We can split? There’s gonna be more chances for wholesome family fun time but I, for one, have had way too much emotional turmoil and I wasn’t even on the receiving end.”

“I’m fucking exhausted,” Karkat said, and dropped his head onto Dave’s chest pitifully “I want to crawl into bed and sleep for four hours.”

Dave sighed and wrapped his arms around him. They stayed like that until Porrim made her way towards them.

Porrim was not the person Karkat was expecting to see, but thankfully she didn’t strike up that much of a conversation, just smiled gently at him and said “We’re all coming inside, do you want to come?”

He hesitated and Dave’s hand tightened against his shoulder, murmuring “We don’t have to.”

“I should.” Karkat murmured back.

He took a deep breath, pulled away from Dave and took a step towards the front door.

 

All that did not, however, prepare him for stepping inside.

The couch was there, same faded red one he remembered.

The table had changed, it was newer and sturdier than their old one.

They had a new carpet in the living room, stripey and more 80’s.

The kitchen layout had changed slightly, the microwave was against the furthest wall and they had a fruit bowl in front of one of the stools.

Karkat stood, Dave beside him, in the middle of the living room while everyone else piled around the kitchen talking and watching the kettle boil. Dave had said no to coffee, Karkat had too.

His Dad broke away from the group and sat down on the couch with an exhausted smile on his face. He glanced at Karkat and gestured to the spot next to him. He hesitated before sitting down awkwardly, Dave in tow.

They didn’t say anything for a long while, not until Rosa and Teddy came back with a collection of cups and they all sat in various spots in the room, Di sitting on the floor with her legs tucked under the coffee table.

She had wild hair and a long flowy shirt and multiple big clunky necklaces, some of them very clearly hand maid. She jingled when she walked, on account of the bracelets around one of her wrists and jeans with holes in the knees and chunky leather boots. She looked like Nepeta, now that she wasn’t busy making fun of his Dad. He’d seen her once or twice before, when he’d visited Nepeta or when she’d come to the coffee shop to talk to her.

His Dad was smiling at her and she was smiling back. If it weren’t for his current discomfort and exhaustion he would have been making comments about it with Dave but right now he just didn’t have the energy.

They all talked mostly, Teddy about Mituna and Sollux, Di (who Karkat later found out was actually Diana) about her job as a preschool teacher, Porrim piping up occasionally to talk about studies, Rosa talking about how everything was while his Dad was gone. He was brought into the conversation a few times, talking about his adopted parents and introducing Di to Dave (Rosa smiling knowingly which earned her a few confused looks) and recounting previous noteworthy events. For the most part he was running on autopilot, letting his mouth fall open and take him wherever. It seemed to work well enough, everyone seeming pleased with his answers and continuing conversation.

He fell back against the couch, head against Dave’s shoulder and waited.

He waited as everyone stood up to leave, sharing hugs and tearful goodbyes. As he and Dave stood next to the door, watching everyone else leave. As Kankri pulled up outside and gave a cold hello to Porrim. He watched him eye off Dave as he walked inside, the gentle hello he gave to his Dad, a hug, a nod, Kankri walking upstairs to retrieve something.

He stood against the car door watching Kankri and his Dad talk about mundane things, about rent, about housing. When that was all said and done his Dad broke away from the conversation to stand next to him, leaning against the door and sighing heavily.

“Thank you.” He said, and Karkat wasn’t entirely sure why.

He didn’t have to ask, because he kept talking “Just...For this, all this. Thank you for coming home.”

He...Didn’t know how to answer. Not without sounding like a prick. ‘Oh You’re Welcome It Took A Week Of Deliberating And I cried In A Closet’ would not make a good response.

Instead he said “I felt like I should.” which was entirely too put together and eerily Rose like for his liking.

He nodded and they lapsed into silence, thick and somewhat awkward, which was only broken when Dave came bounding down the driveway, rapped his fingers on the roof and said something about leaving.

He turned to his Dad, who smiled and said, warm and wholeheartedly “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He gave his Dad one last, long hug before climbing inside the car and curling up as Dave started the engine.

He watched the house as they pulled away, his Dad growing smaller and smaller on the porch. 

Dave out on his music, Karkat had no idea what it was but his ears weren’t getting personally cheese grated so he was fine with it. He stretched and sighed and looked over at Dave, who had his face buried in his phone trying to get directions. He hesitated for a moment, letting the day’s emotions rush over him in one long swoop before sitting back and smiling weakly.

“I have work tomorrow,” He said, exhaling heavily “That’s going to be a fucking journey.”

Dave chuckled “You can take the day off? Claim emotional distress?”

“I’m going to be emotionally distressed for months.”

But he felt surprisingly okay.

A little hollow and a tad bit sad and melancholy but for the most part he was on the brink of fine.

He was no stranger to that feeling. Not surprising considering what the fuck had been going on in his hellishly eventful twenty one years of life. 

When Sollux had to move back in with his parents, he’d been left to fend for himself in Sollux’s apartment until he came back.

He’d felt it with Dave, when he’d moved in on a whim and had thrust himself headfirst into yet another fucking house with people he didn’t know.

He’d felt it when they’d celebrated Roxy’s six months sober, not realising anything was different until they’d made a point of it.

He’d feel it the next time he’ll talk to his Dad, he’d feel it when he’d run into Kankri by coincidence, he’d feel it when they’d all eventually meet up again, as all his families tended to do.

As he watched his childhood suburb he’d nearly forgotten about fade into the distance, he knew the feeling wasn’t going to go away any time soon.

And he, for once in his life, was okay with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took _forever_ and I apologise. The holidays have appeared to get to my head. Was it worth the wait? We have yet to see.
> 
> I would write a long winded and emotional paragraph about how I'm proud of myself and this fic for being the first thing I've ever finished and been happy with but! I am a pussy who can't do emotional vulnerability and avoids it like the plague. But I will say this:
> 
> Thanks, it has been well and truly a ride.
> 
> :^D


End file.
